Badderchic 'd' Chairlady

Matrix pt 1

2011-03-05T14:11:00.000-08:00

I opened my eyes slowly, didnt want the dream to end, didnt want the sun dodging my curtains and finding its way into my room, not at all.

I had been dreaming, me thinks it was a nightmare. I had been tossing and turning writhing and moaning in Lust, yes the dream had you in it...yes you.

In my dream, you had called to ask if you could pick me up, against better judgement i said yes, against better judgement I felt a million butterflies in my tummy when you walked into the room, I had been on the phone, needless to say I started to stutter dayyum murrafucker you had looked good, in your outfit, you looked good enough to eat, and eat you I was going to.

I looked up like I didn't care, truth is my heart had been racing jumping, doing tic tac toe and suwe, I had gotten up on wobbly knees, formed badt guys and walked out. your fada!

I heard my phone ring in real life but I no gree, this dream was too sweet, you were going to fuck me soon, fuck me the way only you knew how to, fuck me very very hard and very very well. I knew that was true again I had been very very bad, you were definitely going to punish me.

In the dream we stood outside while we waited for credit, you look down from up there and ask me, 'Have you seen me today?' I know thats your way of saying, I missed you, hug me woman!

I held on to you, tried not to elongate it but i felt you, that hardness I crave so much.

next thing I knew, very characteristic of dreams, we were alone,
laughed hard, smoking siga, sippin on bubbly then I grab you and kiss you hard, hard...so so hard

did I mention I had missed you so so so so much?

I had to hold on as you held me against the wall and grabbed on my nipples, you Are mean!

you take off my shirt and pull down my panties, sticking your finger in just right and feeling those juices you know you love, dont even try to deny it.

soon they coated your tongue, not one drop going to waste, you know you love it, that juicy poosy, if I could, I would eat me up!

Fuck me!

Fuck me pleeease

you proceed to fucking me

very hard

very very hard

cock me baby

I have missed your mouth you kiss me hard
I missed your tongue you eat me harder
that your trouble causing d*** you fork me hardest

Mission Accomplished you say as you get off 'hmm Mission accomplished?'

it feels as though you were truly on a mission.

to make me want you more and more

I crave you

No not the sex

You

that laugh, the way you speak, very very razz

you who was there with me before the panel

you who I love to Hate cos it only means heated sex

I want you telling me to 'ride it'

eeediot now you are breaking the rules of engagement

why woman wa'ala plenty like this nau?

I am not afraid

I am more afraid

Man

your own no good o!

then I start to worry, fret, panic

then I try to erase all evidence

evidence showing I have stolen meat from the pot

Soup we no be me cook

Your Mother must not catch me

My Own sef must not catch me

I was worrying

worrying o!

*pimpimpimpeempeempimpimpim*

I am jolted awake by my alarm

I am startled

where am I?

In my bed
safety beside me

I had been dreaming! it was just a dream! phew!

... Im off to church for confession.

Almost a year?

2010-10-06T18:20:00.001-07:00

Does Blogsville still exist?

are the people the same?

the reasons I fell in love with blogsville in the first place, are they still here?

I don't believe I haven't been here in a looong while, I dont believe Im putting this post up now.

for what its worth I miss y'all.

I hope yall miss me too.

will this post be recognised? will someone realise I updated?

where is naapaali I wonder. Afro Et al

na wa o.

The only constant thing in life is change... true talk!

Almost a year?

Gannemit mehn!

FOOL!

2009-12-06T14:57:00.000-08:00

This is NOT a comeback post... now is it?

This is me venting at the ONLY place I know I can...Blogsville.

I was the fool

now Im paying for it.

the plain is unbearable
the silence is deafening
the tears are blinding
the emotions are windy

do I deserve this 'shit'?

yes I do

this is what you get for playing inside potopoto and plenty dirty water.

Am I brave? Yes I am but I for like make person 'cawwy' me O!

Kai! Gaskia no be small tin o!

Fool
Foolisher
Foolishest

where is Naapali when u need him?

This is not a comeback post...or is it?

An Ode.

2009-09-27T16:04:00.000-07:00

Exschnerd introduced me to blogsville.

I loved it.

Everyday after work, I would rush home just coz I wanted to blog, I would turn down dates cuz I wanted to come check up on CWB or Porter what de hell had Ubong written this time? and the Cunning Linguist? Naapali, Geisha?

Even at work I would sneak to blogsville, getting my fix, hiding so as not to get caught by my supervisor.

All that has changed.

I still love you blogsville, but I reckon its time to move on.

I realise that not everyone is as honest as they seem, I mean "why tell complete strangers everything right?" I realise that this is a portal for some to bare it all, I realise that this virtual family have been more family than some with whom we share blood.

together We been through the Tsunamis and the floods, the births and the deaths, the break ups and the marriages, the catfights and the all. friends I have made here, I will never trade. I thank you.

Thank you for loving me just the way i am.
for allowing me be myself through and through
for allowing me live out my fantasies
for allowing me be Bad.

Thank you for listening
for all the advice
for the tears
for the laughs

thank you for not giving me the fire in the pants award
for awarding it to that horrible Baroque.

thank you for always being there
for helping allay my fears.

Me thinks its time to move on.

I will miss you.

and Yes I DO LOVE YOU.

Adios.

Im not that sorry.

2009-09-26T17:21:00.000-07:00

I woke up breathless

I hurt yet I wanted more

I couldnt, didnt believe what I had done, remorse? shame?

I screamed and shook and convulsed,I fumed.

hi6 you?

sadly neither.

hi6... I realise now that I DID love you, in my infinite stupidity You ... are a much better man

if I had to choose, I would choose YOU, sadly....

hi6, you make me laugh so hard all I want to do is twitter. you make me hurt so bad all I want to do is beat ya.

You are rude! yet I realise that is your way of being nice, you made me laugh (and Im still trying hard not to say thank you), I hadn't laughed that hard in so long, it was so unstrained... sadly.

ying or yang

lesser of two evils neither.

pure yet bad wrong yet sweet

the best thing I realise is to flee.

I WILL MISS YOU.

Its almost Goodbye Blogsville it has been a pleasure you deserve one more post, Ill call it the Ode.

This blogging thing sef.

2009-08-19T16:31:00.000-07:00

The problem is that there is plenty problem.

I will not sit in my swivel chair and act like I couldnt have been blogging in the past month atleast because I could have but I havent gotten round to it.

Me the no 1 runaway soldier as in literally. even now I am supposed to be in some effed up region of this great nation, hoping snakes dont come a'visiting, wanting to get on the road and get the fuck over with already as in seriously get the 'fuck' over with as in we have been dragging this rubbish for too long, I could be staring into space living on golden morn and Kelloggs cornflakes, hoping I dont have to get on the road for an hour and half just to use a fucking ATM but nope, I am sitting here, in my lavacious house, in my swivel chair, in my very cold, nipple hardening room tapping away at my keyboard.

Very simple, I got on the effing plane and came home, no questions. worse still I got on an effing plane and got the Eff out of Naija for a a lil bit, I couldnt stay away for as long as I wanted, damn I couldnt even put pictures up on FB but I sha trafel, cold catch me well well, I came back home and went straight to an Amala joint. nope Afro I wasnt in England lol.

Inbtw there has been two friends weddings, Im planning a bridal shower, getting ready for another friends wedding, working on a MAJOR project and making up and breaking up with one same man. wahala plenty

and Baroque dares accuse me of having fireless pants? dude my panties are like volcanoes always spewing forth man melting lava.

Make una no vex say I no too blog o! Its bad enough that I have to go back to that shithole sooner or later.

Ye I missed you.

Putting the cart b4 the horse.

2009-06-17T13:45:00.001-07:00

I like Man O!

lol not just the way you thinking, I'm thinking as friends, they do make a whole lot of sense, My closest friends are men... stop calling me a man wrapper jo!

Just sitting here reminiscing University days, the worst times ever, those times I was hot and cold at the same forking time, na woman cause am. accusing me of doing somin I never would have done, somin none of my male friends could ever think of let alone say I did.

emi BAD?

It was either yr 3 or 4, I wasn't much of a party goer in school nope, I just wasnt bothered with all the fake hype ye? was friends with this girl and ended up being friendly with her roomates et al.

Rm had tried to hook me up with her Beau's friend, the guy was single I dont think I was at the time but I wasnt serious or somin I no too remember. I had been talking to the guy and replying his text messages but all that stopped after I saw him once as in YUCK! to be fair to the brother he wasnt ugly, he was just not my type, not interesting, didnt set my blood to boil (and you know how much I crave excitement) anyways moving on.

say 1 or 2 months after that the call came

I remember that particular day

not from the guy but from RM

She wanted to know why the fork I had gone to spend the night at her boy friend's house on Christmas day.

she told me how I had called him to tell him I was in the area and if it was okay to drop by, she said I decided by 10 that my 'cousin' couldnt pick me up and I had to sleep over, how he had decided to sleep on the floor but I had offered the bed and how in the middle of the night I had asked him to fork me...and he had obliged.

I might suffer from Short memory syndrome but it cant be THAT bad, all that activity? e pass say make I no remember. the accusation was too mad, telling me not to even bother denying had her sisters and cousins yelling at me over the phone "dont you dare deny it you bitch" I weak.

for starters even if it was Ms Hyde that dunnit, I know I have NEVER missed christmas with my family. it is a rule wherever you are in the WORLD you are summoned home for christmas whatever the cost...they dont care!

How I wan take start explain am? aha! I remembered one of the guys living in our block had seen me at church that night, ask him! she did I think, cuz after that no more accusations (God punish Devil)

it was stupid I was embarrassed for us all, females.

I had no idea who her bf was, never met him, spoken to him once WHILE SHE WAS IN THE ROOM kai woman?

I think she later found out the guy was just a fuck and had been lying cuz after that she tried to call and apologise without saying sorry just that they had discovered the truth actually i think my friend did the calling, the guys (our friends) were soooo embarrassed about it, my friend was as well I was disgusted, that I was caught up in that kin bullshit, it is common knowledge, I hate rubbish...that was rubbish.

how the hell can a guy (with a history of being a pathological liar) come up with that kin bull and you dont ask? you accuse. why the hell do females put the cart before the horse?

what I hate most is our ability to want to act like nofins wrong, lets move on, "girl Im loving your hair where you do am..." like bitch yesterday I was forking your man today you like my hair? ko ma da fun e! that is it cannnnnnot better for you.

I can NEVER be friends with you. who knows what it would be tomoro?

I havent seen her since, didnt even bother adding her on fb, she always lived a superficial life, me? Im thinking of how to to keep loving and apprecialting my Male friends, few female trustworthy friends and of course get on the next flight so I do YOU!

o Ye... I missed y'all too.

You Miss Me?

2009-05-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

Good Cuz I missed y'all too.

actually I miss YOU a whole lot but fork you! who needs you right?

as usual my life is a series of amusing events, countless watdaforks? have dropped from my lips trust me, it seems to get more and more interesting everyday yet Im bored...contradictory ye?

By the way I met some Benin guy whos some 12years older and who made me produce more fluids than the damn Atlantic Ocean...pity, I cant even remember the guys name.

Maybe its cuz Im off em effers called Men for now (ye ye Bad make up your mind will ya?)

okay lets get it straight. Remember Mr Man? well we finally finally finally scattered, after alot of false starts, I finally gathered enough 'balls' to look past the fact that he is some cute ass mofo who knows how to bone me right and tell him what a jackass he has been and bitch? Im moving, I had never been so mean to him, maybe if I had been that mean in the past he wouldn't have acted the fool. strolling home today he drove past me, damn my pulse quickened, he didnt see me though, he doesnt even know Im in town, funny funny funny. I have many regrets with him, no one is that I ever was good and that I was there for him a whole lot...he didnt deserve it. Ladies is it me or it seem like we ought not to be nice to em guys? they dont deserve it ye?

Most of all I think I regret not cheating on him when I had the chance, but that one don pass now se? If not for the immense satisfaction I would have gotten from gettin laid by YOU atleast now I would have this smug look on my face thinking 'Bitch I wasnt so faithful to you' ye?

past done past

On a fucking hilarious note, there is this Man hittin on me like whao. been at it for say about 2 -3 months now but has currently intensified these last couple of weeks

Ye he goodlookin
Ye he has shitloads of money (not like that matters with me)
Ye he funny as hell

but follow me and say

GOD FORBID!

why?

Cuz Mad is waaaaaay older, I have no Idea how old he is but I estimate 47-50
if you hear this man over the phone ehn you would this he was some 25 year old with all the talk, innuendos and shit. to be on the safe side (cuz Aristos aint my style), I involved one of my uncles make e no go be say bad dey follow baba rugbo on a coded level.

I have said no in different languages but he aint buyin so I have been adviced to post him like a note, my friend sexy thinks I should Chop his money but Im adverse to that, aint no reason to give him a reason to want to do me bad thing. Vik thinks I shouldn't be worried, He a man I'm a Woman, no long tin, why are you so surprised, you can make your own decisions, fuck him if you want!

Have I told you how much I hate Vik? lol

Its not my style...sorry.

I saw Slumdog millonaire... beautiful movie, saw it with Sexy and Blogger-in-the past. the movie was even more beautiful cuz I snogged thru half of it, you know to keep my mind off breaking it off with Mr Man. lol

How I miss him...You

Fuck Him...YOu

wish I could say I am back fully but y'all know I gotta go back to that fucking place. Ill say this though...you guys keep me going on those really fucked up days. all I have to do is remember one of Afro's or Ibi's exploits or think of how much trouble Baroque caused or Man Cee comin out and I cant help but to smile.

Ye I missed you.

What da fork?

2009-04-18T14:14:00.000-07:00

Not exactly my close friend,

I dont really do close friends with chics, well, they are few I can talk to and trust CWB, exschnerd and Afro Inclusive

Well sha, just a hi hi jist jist kinda friend

scratch that Acquaintance.

She asked me the question of the century

A threesome!

I felt insulted.

I am so straight you have no idea. and even if I wasn't, even if I did have those tendencies and am willing and ready to explore them...she sorry they are definitely NOT my type.

apparently she and her partner decided I was 'best' for the 'job'

what rubbish!

what am I supposed to do? vie for the role of best supporting actress?

My heart sorry throbbing nethers lie elsewhere, (perhaps far a way in some town four hours away).

I conveniently told her to fork off, really ati iwo ati man e? NOT MY TYPE!

(kinda flattered though) but mostly upset.

now if it were Eva mendez and Denzel Washington asking for a 'crowd'?

I woulda dropped my jeans a long time ago.

As in?

Watdafork?

I am soo Chicken.

2009-04-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

He's not Man enough, he is just not it I'm thinking. he is somebody else s everything but me? nah!

so what do I do about it?

let Mr Mean know the truth, maybe there's still a part of me deep down that wants you to shag me senseless but I really don't see it happening, I apologize. I still want to be friends though, I really have missed your sarcasm and the phone calls.

Call up Mr ex and let him know how I feel about us, I decide some 40 minutes later and tell him as much, we prob should never have had this conversation, there's a reason as to why you are an ex like Ibiluv said.

start droppin hints for Mr gimme those orgasms that are rare, so very hard to find. then decide to say it in not so many words, make up my mind we broken up and then realise y'all men dont even see it till it hit you in the head, i'mma tell you to your face

well thats what I planned to do

till I saw him

He had been ill and I had been ignoring his ass in the pre "i cant do this shit no more" mode

I went all putty

"why didnt you call me, I would have come over, you don chop? if you dont eat how you suppose to regain your strength? why the heck didn't you call me?"

and then I remember, He DID ask me to come over in those series of text messages, I was just sooo cold, I didn't bother responding positively.

My lord, did he look soooooooooooooooooooooooo cute with his shirt in his jeans, i didnt realise he was sooo good looking, I could just kiss him there and then, In traffic, aww baby, sexy as fuck.

we hung out for the better part of the day, I couldnt get my mind/eyes off his dick sorry I meant to say buns...and then we had an argument, stupid ass argument, to which I notice he's having a hard on....

"bitch, does this mean everytime we fight you get hard? cuz I could EASILY start a fight with you EVERYTIME if it means mad make up sex is going doooown abi?"

then I remember that one time he forked me soooo hard I ended up in the closet, we had just had a fight...wait a minute, seems to me like he one sick morafoka.

so he's hard, I'm Horny

lets go back to yours babe

errrm nope

I gasta go see my friends mom, he has a meeting.

what a freaking waste.

I missed him I realise, I missed his crase and the way he makes me laugh no I didnt miss the way he drives me up the wall

suffice to say

I didnt do it.

its your fault blogsville, you told me to hang on to the guy that gives me orgasms

okay its my fault Im the one who's chicken.

whilst I try to gather the liver to bounce

I say this with no shame, not an ounce

Bobs, walahi if u saw me now na to pounce

Im so hot for you scratch that I will pounce

Ill call you whatever name you want all na noun

more importantly Im thinking

"bitch please feel free to make my ass bounce."

Not Man enough?

2009-03-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

"Im going to make you come you know that?"

I knew it, I always came with him, somehow, he just knows how to do me right, Im the chicken, he the TFC.

since we got together its been a roller coaster, he drives me to the wall makes me soo mad.

I almost cheated once

...

make that more than once.

"Ive missed you babe, you know all I want to hear is those sounds you make when you come for me"

All I want to hear as well is him telling me he just wants to make me come, ask me if it is good for me, "can you feel that? Can you feel me?" like a freaking sledge hammer is wedged into me hell ye!...damn sex with him is off the hook

problem is...he's not man enough for me.

He is just not it.

no disrespect, he's got it going for him, nice job, car, house, almost everything a girl would want in a man and stick in there for but me?

He's not IT

am I asking for too much?

I hate fighting with him but somehow he always makes sure we are having an argument (that how I ended up almost cheating on him) he always tries to start a fight and blows everything outta prorportion.

fuck him!

well I do that already dont I?

"Come here" he says to me I walk to him knowing he has evil intentions towards me he grabs my ass, spanks me hard...

his fingers on my bare cheeks through my shorts, pulls at my g string, I hear the rip before I feel it, once a string, now pieces of rope, he just tore my panties off...Bastard!

My boobs fill his hands he's sucking, nibbling, biting, I'm horny as fuck, I need him to fork me NOW!

"Fork me T, do it, hurry!"

"you want it dont you?"

what a mumu question

he feeds me his lollipop instead,

"choke on it"

I oblige

"turn over, close your eyes"

the first thrust and I fall over, he is ramming into me, fucking piston, I can help it, I don't exactly care there's people in the house at the moment, Im making some horrible noises, i cant recollect half of what I was saying but I am positive "fuck me" was a part of it.

He turns me over and soon enough I'm spread open he is fucking me with abandon, how the hell does he do it? every time he goes in there, he be hittin on my womb. I don't understand the position we are in, all I know is he is ploughing me like a fucking drilling machine

"Im going to come" he says, immediately I stop moving, in my mind I'm thinking for where, you dey crase, I'm not even there yet and you want to come? oloshi

"please dont, wait for me T please'

"girl comon, I cant help it"

"yes you can"

and he did.

he keeps at it, by now he got one leg on his shoulder, the other on the wall, bastard still be hittin on my insides, dont he know it hurts?

"let me ride you"

I get off'a him and look at his dick, its covered in juices, PLENTY of it, dayyum Im horny

"turn around, lemme look at your ass while you ride me"

I grab his joystick and slide it into me, somhow somin Im doin is makin him go crazy and shit, I turn around, he had better be sucking on the twins right now, I grab and squeeze him with my insides, my walls are milking him, my eyes dilated, I couldnt help it now, I felt it coming

thunderous

hurricane'ish

Tsunami'ish

massive

"Im coming!"

I shudder like an old engine about to knock, I'm shaking uncontrollably, I cant help it, cant hold back,consumed totally by my climax, temporarily in hibernate mode, all I cant think of right now is catching my breath, I forget, he is not done with me yet, he's moving my ass over his deeck by himself, Im still trying to breathe, he pushes me on my back and he's doing the grand prix in me.

fucker! come quick before you do some major harm.

"Im going to come"

hurry up and come jo idiot! lol

"come for me baby"

"say it, tell me to come inside you"

"come inside, come in me come in my *(&%^&$%^&*&%%%%%********** (too perverted to write)"

He came

rolled over

Im still tryin to catch my breath

why does sex with him have to be this good?

While I was away there was a blogsville idols, it hurt to know I was voted in just one category and I lost to BAroque?

irrespective I appreciate being nominated thank you very much and I congratulate you B on your fire in your pants award. just outta curiosity did anyone vote for me?

irrellevant.

on a flip, Im in some measure of deep shit guys

I got a man I don't want to be with anymore

I got another man I been stringing along telling I'm going to fork him when I know full well, its never going to happen

I want to be back with my ex boyfriend like crazy

with all this drama why the hell dem no go call me Chairlady?

I Missed Y'all

2009-03-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

Although some 2 years or so late,

I Obeyed the Clarion Call

to serve Nigeria is definitely by force

I represented at camp, Badderchic...

I refused to join those stupid ass people who shagged in the field, what rubbish, If I'maa do it standing, I would rather do it with style abi? not with insects crawling up ma juicy ass

plenty suffer

plenty soldiers

plenty waka

plenty vexing

Plenty winches

under the sun AND in the rain

horny as hell

nearest shag was thousands of miles away

was constantly too tired to think about a 'do it yourself'

50 50 hunches

roll in the mud

a crush who is getting married in 3 weeks (DAYYUM!)

Otondo

Wawa

Theophilus

Mumu

SIR YES SIR!

Woman no fit piss for bottle

corper wey marry corper go born monkey

sucking the breast of philomena...

aids no dey show for face

Nebucadnezer with im belle

e begin waka waka waka

Kilimanjaro we must go...

uneducated soldiers chasing me with whips... one in particular my future gateman by the grace of God so I can send him to buy me Always sanitary pad.

I missed y'all

... I missed Baroque. lol

camp is over

I'm back in one piece.

I need to go get laid!

Off for a bit...

2009-02-28T23:50:00.000-08:00

No I'm NOT leaving Blogsville,

just going on a trip, albeit late its better now than never.

Off to some Eastern state for NYSC.

I have been told to learn the words for Cutlass, Kill and Soup so once I hear those words... I RUN! I have heard they eat people in some parts...Bullocks they just trying to scare my juicy ass.

I am scared this is my first time (Im kinda a Gidi chic thru and thru) but still open for the adventure

Feel free to still drop your comments even if you don't see them immediately as the Dam of comments burst forth when I return in three weeks.

I miss you guys Already!

My flight is in the morning e gbadura fun mi o!

p.s

I promise not to do anything illegal or disgusting in camp.

await my stories y'all!

PEACE!

I HAVE CHANGED MY MIND!

2009-02-22T14:26:00.000-08:00

So I decided to put Baroque up for sale afterwards,

Only because I am very very nice and I feel the urge to do something good.

why monopolize the brother?

I mean why spoil his market? its not a finders keepers thingzz.

So in a bid not to be greedy I have decided to CHANGE MY MIND.

I'm allowed to, that's why I'm Badder! lol

so...

Lets the Games continue!

Happy new week guys!

Bragging Rights.

2009-02-19T15:34:00.000-08:00

CAVEAT EMPTOR

THIS IS TO INFORM THE GENERAL BLOGSVILLE POPULACE THAT BAROQUE IS BADDERCHIC'S.

HE IS MINE MINE MINE!

I HAVE HYPNOTIZED HIM WITH SOMIN THAT ONLY THE TWO OF US KNOW ABOUT.

I SHALL NOT BE REVEALING HIS IDENTITY TO ANY ONE OF YOU SO PLEASE DONT ASK.

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Getting Warmer.

2009-02-08T16:40:00.000-08:00

Afro has banned me from going private so has another blogger that means alot to me, you know yourself madam so lets see what y'all think. vote and lets see. Btw this is hazardous on a Monday Morning, enjoy it.

I woke up at that point dayyum I must have been dreaming, dreaming that baroque was about to fork me from the back. what a horrid dream I thought, horrid, yet, I could taste him, taste that sweet kiss still but I thought that was a dream abi wasnt it?

not too much time to think cuz my phone vibes at my side, I look at it 7 missed calls, dayyum whats up with people? cant a girl sleep in peace although that dream wasnt so peaceful now was it?

unknown number, who the hell is this I'm thinking? no need to think too much its ringing again I pick it up

Badder hi, been trying to reach you

sorry who is this?

I'm FBA's friend, he gave me an address to pick you up from, he says he was meant to pick you but he's stuck in the mainland traffic are you still on the island

Yes

okay I'll be there in seven minutes, been in the area.

K. i hung up

fucking guy that FBA i'll kill him when I see him, I will. off to the bath to pee, wash up, wash my face, just out when I hear Haruna my cousin's gateman at the door

Aunty...Aunty fadder someone dey pind you o!

you father! na me you dey call fadder?

Madam no vesk.

let him in.

I get to the door and he walks in FBA's friend. he looks oddly familiar I think I know him but from where?

nice... your place

thanks but not mine, I'm just house sitting

hmm

Im badderchic...badderchic the chairlady

okay

whats your name?

he walks to the door and locks it, takes out the key and puts it in his pocket and then I see it, his identification seal, a proof to who he really is...

a bright red HELMENT

O my... Baroquey?

he walks to me and kisses me stupid, hard fast ruthless

then he slows it down then I realise, Im kissing him back!

that's for all those times you made me want you bad, for all those teasing mind boggling messages.

Im not sorry for them baroquey.

no wonder he looked so fucking familiar, he was the same man from my dreams.

he lifted me up and places me on the granite dining table, thank goodness my cousin wasn't listening to me all those days I was protesting against granite.

what are you doing I ask him?

what does it look like?

he peels off my jeans and kisses my stomach

I shiver

Baroque...what...wait...what are you doing?

what the fork does it look like? I'm about to pitch a fucking tent

NO! Im not comfortable with...I'm...see...I mean...oooo...Yes!

his head buried between my thighs, I'm singing the Greek, Bulgarian, German and Kenyan National anthems

Baroquey...

Yes Bad?

are you going to make me touch my toes?

...to be continued.

Getting warmed up.

2009-02-05T14:48:00.000-08:00

So pending when I really sort out the rubbish technicalities that comes with the territory, I have reopened the blog for y'all. send me your email addresses so I can invite you and Afro I go try sort out the wahala with commenting as soon as I find the time. devour.

What are you doing here? how did you find me? I knew you were in Gidi but how? I mean who told you where to find me? who I was? am? what my real name is? exschnerd? Chari? FBA? Princessa? who?

What does it matter?

Im perplexed, shocked is an understatement and you are soo, sooo sexy.

Badd I have been waiting for this moment for a very long time

what moment?

the moment when I finally get to fork your brains out

Cmon you know you dont really wanna do that...do you?

what? after all the teasing, the taunting, the trails of messages, always leaving me with a hard on.

But Baroquey, I was just fucking with you

Ye thats what I want to be doing fucking with you. By the way whats with this guy Man Cee?

Cmon Baroquey, he is...he is...

Just another guy that turns you on?

I cant deny it Baroquey but its you who turns me on the most, i fear. sometimes gettin up from my chair whenever I read you? impossible, Im always too turned on, I just want to explode for you Baroquey, so errm would you make me explode for you? ehn?

Would you like me to Badder?

very much.

Kiss me badder

*
*
*
*
you taste good now...

turn around, bend over...touch your toes.

to be continued.

Going Private.

2009-01-18T06:20:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry Guys but I have to do this.

Blogsville sure has changed. It used to be a loving community.

I mean I cried when CWB left, Porter and Yosh where dem dey? It hurts Ubong Da doent update often anymore.

The things pple use Blogsville for now? appalling.

I stumbled upon a blog where the author specialises in putting up pictures of who is sleeping with who. Maybe I did not understand the blog well but what I understood? I was dissapointed.

Their business who is shagging who, I have more issues in my life. but then agin, maybe I did not understand the blog well.

Gone are those days where I was always looking forward to a gazillion comments. I no need am.

I have made wonderful friends to last a lifetime here, I am fulfilled with the few friends, I cherish their advice, support, love, attention.

Once I have figured it out, I go Private.

Those of you I love, Cherish come with me.

More jist soon.

Am I insane?

2009-01-09T15:45:00.000-08:00

I picked out my wedding gown today,

e be like say I don crase.

My friend TS is a designer, I had gone over to his in the evening and said jokingly "TS I wan sew dress" its a recurring joke that came from this girl he jisted me about that had sewn her dress in faith.

"Ha stop laughing o! Bad, she is getting married o!"

how? I ask

She met some guy who is begging to marry her, big boi, oil company yadi yadi ya!

I wonder who is laughing now? the girl wey trust God sew dress down or me wey dey laff am?

My friend TS encouraged me to look through the dresses on the laptop, I fell in love with one.

BEAUTIFUL, Simple, Nice, Just like me.

We proceeded to talking about my plans, what I had in mind, while we were jisting two girls join us, they are picking out dresses as well, gettin married April and May respectively.

"Are you getting married" one of them ask me

"yes she is" TS answers on my behalf

Im sniggering, cant control my laughter

She hears my plans and is asking for an IV on the spot.

"they are not ready yet" TS tells her

she says once its out, I should Pass one to her, when is it she asks

"We are looking at August" TS answers I was besides myself with laughter.

they left, I felt stupid, It felt right...it felt as though I was doing what I was meant to be doing, picking a dress, bouquet, bridesmaids dress, cake, Iv's Program the works.

It felt sooo right.

3rd Day of 2009

I met Mr Man, its scary we have so many things in common down to we use the same type of phone, studied the same course, go the same places, listen to the same people, have the same dream car, wore the same type of wrist watch! and we just met. ITS SO FREAKING SCARY!

I dont feel wrong at all, chics you know that thing you feel at the back of your mind telling you "but but but", well aint no buts wit this one, for the first time NO BUTS!

He thinks I'm all that and a bag of chips...who me?

Well...I am.

I think he is exciting, and a complete gentleman.

God is shocking me already this 2009 O!

If Im wrong well shit happens, God has a bigger plan for us all.

If I'm not then this would be a story to tell.

Wrong or right God has a plan for me.

My only worry is how my moms will pronounce his name, he isn't Yoruba.

Whichever ways I'm going to take TS's advise and not doubt the almighty.

peoples am I insane? am I losing it? Am I normal? what is wrong with me? I never ever even thought seriously about settling down. I was always just willing to have fun, the next crush, the next Shag, and now I'm picking out a dress am I completely losing it?

where is Naapali when you need him?

I'm off to write my wedding program.

Thank You.

2009-01-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Lord,

I appreciate

Say I enter '09

Some Started the journey before us, others with us, some others after us

they haven't made it this far.

For all the pain I thank you, for it is just a reminder that no matter how many times I fall, you are there to pick me up.

For the extreme joy, I thank you, for it is a reminder that only you can make me soooo happy.

For your gifts to me I thank you, for it is a reminder that amidst the millions, billions on the earth, you still remember me

For that which you have done I thank you, for that which you have promised to do I thank you.

You ARE the awesome wonder.

For my Family and Friends, for My acquaintances and colleagues, for my blogsville family whom I love ever so much...I thank you for it is a reminder that you have surrounded me with wonderful people to make my passage on this earth a wonderful experience.

Who is like unto thee? how can I measure how much you mean to me? How can I say thank you?

All glory ALL honour ALL power be unto you O lord Forever and ever.

Surely I will trust you, Surely you will send me Help from your sanctuary, Surely 2009 will be my best year YET.

Glory Be to your Name, Oyigiyigi, Oba Ogo, Lion of Judah, Rose Of Sharon, Prince of Peace, lily of the Vally, Jehovah El Shaddai, Kingi Kingi, Balm Of Gilead, My Saviour, My life.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLES.

Almost Christmas.

2008-12-23T01:51:00.000-08:00

My personal people first things first, Make una no vex, time no too dey my side.

wrapping up on stuff, CPB don turn crase, she has been showing up unexpectedly, letting herself in while my guy is asleep, tried raping him a couple of times, asked people to please excuse them so they can fork, cooking my guy food, walking in and making herself comfortable kinda shit, yes o! she don turn stalker.

My guy is not such a nice guy though, he disses her every opportunity he gets, telling her how dense she is et al.

the girl go quiet, Call the next day saying she knows he didn't really mean all he said yesterday and she forgives him. WAHALA!

when we finally bounce her I go let una know. lol

On a thankful side, GOD did the biggest for me a couple of days ago. I thank him for it. make una join me thank Baba J o! as in he fulfilled my innermost desire and fought for me when humans tried to pull me down. truly, who God has blessed no man can curse. I asked for 10 things, I have gotten two don't mean I wont dance like David Danced. (no its nothing you are thinking, I haven't been proposed to don't ask what Just thank him for me.)

When it comes to Man, I have not been totally honest with yall, okay not dishonesty, just time. I just didn't have time to blog about him and before I could, he don hurt me waka.

That that don't kill me only makes me stronger abi?

We kinda hooked up real quick, (he used ogboju o!) he was everything I wanted and much more, one day a couple of weeks later, he decided to get back with the ex. leaving me feeling like I had just been duped,419ed S'all gud ainnit? I hurt but I was alright, my question remains though

"why the hell did you now bother me in the first place?"

God bless him for making hurt.

I hung out with Ade from a couple of posts ago, Harmless flirting, remember him? well apparently just ex boyfie saw us, was at the same place as we us, I didn't see him, he had his fill watching us. funnily enough all the while I was with Ade I kept thinking about just ex boyfie can you imagine?

He calls me that night number blocked and tries to form activity, I hung up. he called back and tried to apologize, I wasn't listening, the next day, I called him and cursed him well, "Fuck you Fuck you and Fuck you" I say, truth is I'm usually quiet when it comes to man issue and his wahala so that was shocking for him I guess, he wants us to hook up so we can 'talk' as no be phone jist.

NO! I say

'you dont have a choice' he says

"Yes I do"

"okay you do, just please lets talk"

I want to yet I don't want to. I miss him soo bad yet he was the one who hurt me. na wa o!

ke sera sera.

Okay for Christmas, I want Baroque on a platter...Maybe not.

for Christmas, I would please like a new laptop. God will do am.

I also want to love and be loved.

finally I would like a MAN to fork my brains out. ouch did I say that? well I no sabi lie, twould be nice if a man who loved me actually did, it would be more than nice....

Maybe I should just stick to wanting a laptop.

Merry Christmas peoples, I love you guys!

Another mini series-Crazy Psychotic Bitch.

2008-12-09T14:32:00.000-08:00

Now I had to wait for permission to be able to blog about this...and Now I can,
I also had to travel a distance to get this jist first hand, the things I do for gbeborun. lol. enjoy.

My friend has been single for some time now well not exactly single, miss wifey has been in Jand for a bit leaving Mr Brother all hard and dry and in need of a good good lay, well he sure has been singing it into our ears for a while now such that we started to pray he find someone just as horny as he was, well our prayers were answered or where they?

You see, Mr Bro works in a bank, so this particular day, this 'customer' comes searching for a colleague, Mr Bro with his eyes filled with spermatozoa claims to have seen nothing but her booty, well long and short Mr Colleague passes Crazy psychotic bitch henceforth CPB to Mr Bro. ho ho ho merry Christmas!

Well he calls her up last Saturday morning, just for small talk by 6.30 shes in Lekki on her way to his crib 7.30 they are watching Prison Break already...8.30 she hungry fine no shakings lets go grab some food...

she drops her Bag behind...hmmm?

Drive to the eatery, she orders Take away...hmmmm?

Drive Back to his place, 10.30 already aint no way bitch (his words not mine) is going home tonight. mind y'all Mr Bro is still blind in the eye abi?

okay so she eating, he watching P break, they having a conversation when all of a sudden she leans in and kisses him.

"what the hell was that for"? he asks

"Just saying thank you is all"

"Bitch all I bought was rice, if I threw in a burger, what would you give me?"

she done eating in a bit and then they start some real real rough play when suddenly...

She putting up resistance

we shouldn't be doing this, I don't want to get hurt,I just broke up with my boyfriend, I don't want this yet.

WTF?

Bitch please, you knew you was going to get laid thats why you dropped your purse and didnt go home. alright Im not in d mood for this, what side of the Bed you want? fine

GBAM! My guy crashes. I'm too old for this bull shit he's thinking.

The end?

Ye right!

My guy says at about 2ish, he feels Junior start to stir. eyes open CPB in her birthday suit, jacking him off .

"Wait a minute, thought you said you didn't want this..."

"Well Just for tonight, I want to feel loved, just tonight, I always do the right things, Just tonight, i want to be bad"

"Well Bitch I dont care if you want to be Micheal Jackson, GET OVER HERE"

with some mortal Kombat moves...

He fucked her with reckless abandon

his words not mine.

She cried, he wasn't even listening "wait" he didn't "take it easy" he didn't "please don't stop!" he didn't

"Bad, it was for me, all for me, I didn't care if she came or not, I just needed mine, the girl was talking bullshit, I couldn't care less...I forked her!"

I felt bad for the girl until I heard the rest of the jist.

Well that session ended and he crashed, morning came time to look at the girl better...ewww! DISCHARGE TIME only she wasn't leaving.

So he is on his laptop waiting for girl to go take a bath and bounce when she comes and grabs his deeck

" Last night was for you, this is mine" she proceeds to forking him but my guy na bad guy, he no gree starts to deal with with her again, dayyum she ugly...TURN AROUND girl (Im told that works all the time) so he's hitting it form the back till she yells

"TELL ME YOU LOVE ME"

"Bad talk about a deeck going soft, I lost it meen, it just shriveled meen"

so he uses everything but his deeck, bitch come and come and go...

she came, once, twice, the third time, he puts his deeck back in and she comes the fourth time (Bravo bravo bravo!) he feels like givving himself a apt on the back only problem is she aint leaving after that...that amaaazzing fork.

Wahala!

My guy says she swept his WHOLE apartment, dusted, did the dishes, carried FOUR 25 litres kegs of water effortlessly from DOWNSTAIRS...

Made him Fork her yet again...in the shower!

AH!

the phone calls were crazy.

"Bad where you dey? I beg you dey come my house now now! I need help o!"

I couldn't make it. somehow somehow with the help of another friend of ours he got rid of CPB.

you would think thats the end of the story, Na lie!

Im tired jo

Wash out for part 2!

Meeting KAY SHAWN.

2008-12-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

"you are only crazy about the cunning linguist because you havent met me"

this was waiting patiently for my approval, stupid boy that Kayshawn, making mouth virtually. lol

would I like to meet another blogger?

honestly I really dunno. ironically I have had but a bad experience with a blogger, its just one blogger Im not in touch with after having met, not mine fault guys not mine at all.

Okay someone asked where Ozaveshe is on my page, the boy hasnt come to comment so as to make the story sweet. well in his words, the cunning linguist is carefully thinking on what to write, well while he is thinking, I have written another post. lol

Oza and I are slowly building our friendship, he really is a very good friend to have, and I really am lucky to have him as a friend and vice versa, unfortunately, well for those who got popcorn waiting to see a love story unfold and fortunately for you Bumight who wants him for herself, we that is Oza and I are gravitating towards an extremely platonic friendship/relationship dont get it twisted he really is all that and a bag of chips and we all know I am hot while you are not lol but really, I see us as extremely good friends, which is what we seem to be, what we are getting at.

there are some people you respect too much to want to spoil it all with sex, well Oza is one of em, its been what? 3weeks? but ehn even I dont understand it our level of friendship .

so if you want Oza? see me, I fit to organise the sometin.

Im sure Baroque would be happy reading this, cuz I know he wants me scratch that needs me hehehehe

Kayshawn. wait your turn and join the queue jo! lol

Happy new month peoples, I miss yall loads, especially Mz Dee.

like Geisha said...On the first day of christmas....

All ye male bloggers.

2008-11-19T03:39:00.000-08:00

I hereby declare that bloggers should start acting with sense and hooking up with female bloggers!

this is totally unfair!

how dare you be good looking and not tell us single sister bloggers? for the record I AM NOT YOUR SISTER.

unless ofcourse you are Naapali.

Okay shall I stop ranting and raving already you ask?

I met this really cute guy yesterday, trust me sharp girl wey no dey carry last I don fall in quick quick, as a sharp gal, start to dey follow the boy talk phonee, all the English wey dey my mouth. and as Rkelly talk am, Im a flirt!

ol boy, one Man dey wait me for left, another dey wait me for right, but noooo who was this cuuuute guy in blue, my fafrite color like Suliat said.

We talk for a bit, I have to go and I tell him as much.

ME: So its about time we ended the conversation

Him: okay guess we see some other time

Me: they didnt teach you well, if they taught you well you would have known that I meant lets continue this conversation in a bit?

Him: o! okay let me give you my card

Me: and mine

Him: lets go to my car to get my card

me: why dont you go get it so I get mine out as well.

he goes to his car, I wish I could say I go to mine but I just walked to my friends car to get my card out of my bag.

Ashawo

I know.

at that time, I had forgotten ALL OTHERS! may God forgive me my sins that are many, especially the sins of the flesh.

the boy was fyne! as in sexy with sexy shirt, eyes, voice, smile whats more, he seemed to be digging me. like my friend will say, May I not carry Last AMIN!

na so the boy come back o, we exchanged cards, he bounced, I did too. end of story or so I thought.

I got home and looked at the card... Tom OZAVESH smith...

Ozavesh ke?

what were the odds that...

e gba mi ooooooooooo!

could it be?.........

peraps?.......

I picked up my fone sharp sharp

"Are you home yet?""I ask him

who is this he asks me

you were supposed to have been on your way home from spot x

HI Chic

okay I have a question for you...

Are you a blogger?

yes

Are you the cunning linguist?

yes

Are you a blogger he asks me

yes

who are you?

Im not telling I say

needless to say at the end of the night, the boy found out I was the one and only Badderchic. sadly too cuz now he doesnt respect me anymore he has seen my yansh finish. lol

"eeeeeeeeeeee you were now making me talk plenty plenty english, If I had known it was you badderchic, I for no bother, all those things you wrote, did they really happen? ah! you are a bad girl..."and so the talk went on.

you male bloggers are wicked people, yes I said it. especially you the cunning linguist you are very very very wicked.

HOW DARE you be fine, single and sexy as fuck, and you dont think to be toasting female bloggers ehn? we are from different walks of life yet we are all so close, you know wussup and you are still forming?

tunda faya all of you!

the girls are vexing!

which kin boolsit is tis? Enigma fine but engaged okay no problem, Fineboyagbero fine but monkey, okay no problem, charizard Im older than you so gerraway! but Cunning linguist? NImmo, Jaja, Porter, Baroque, Jaguda the other male bloggers all of you RUBBISH!

Ozavesh

I told you last night, Im saying it again, you are the one I have been waiting for you see all those other boys I blogged about well, that was just me being creative, they were all a figment of my imagination ( GOd will forgive me ) sweetheart I know you have seen my yansh finish but truth be told, I have equally seen yours. dont form for me o! because you told me last night that it has teyed that you have been shadowing me, scoping me, you were wondering why you hadnt just stepped since, you see if you had acted sharply alot of those previous posts wouldnt have come to life but it is alright, you can make it up to me, what did we say now? Brunch?

Cunning linguist, because you and I have have been virtual friends I will do you the favour of not making you join the queue, you have special reservations, what do you say cutie? you game?

what is it with me and all these bois sef? I like the soap i have been using to baf o!

Harmless flirting.

2008-11-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

Well thats what I thought it was...harmless flirting.

Ive known him a couple of months

I have always flirted with him, even with a guy by mine side and a girl by his.

I really dont...didnt care.

Out for drinks at this spot one evening, with a lot of pips, I went into the bathroom, it was huge, first thing that came to mind, 'twould be nice to do somin naughty in here'

He was the first person I saw as I stepped out, wow Ade, that bathroom is huge, corridor then bathrooms, away from the world, I could snog in there.

"lets see" he said we went in

"lets snog" he said... I ran!

harmless flirting I said it was, well I thought it was

somehow, there was conflict with a mutual friend, we got thrown together, we worked together, it got sorted, I realized I had the hots for him, he had realised earlier than me.

whats with me and all this bois sef?

I just got rid of Baldy, annoying with all his rubbish talk, I just got rid of the crush as well, disgusting the way he handled it when I told him I liked him, acted like a real pisshead.

Ade and I laughed over Crush, nope didnt tell him bout baldy.

harmless flirting we said.

He picks me from work, we are going to meet mutual friend, on the way we fight, slap, fight some more, hit, sulk...actually I did all that

"stop Im driving" he says

"apologise" I say

"for what?" he laughs

I slap him some more, its an estate so its aiight to play while driving, he's going slow anyways.

"I hate you" I tell him

" no you dont" he says

"Apologise"

"NO!"

I sulk for about 10 mins

" Okay sorry" he says

"say it like you mean it"

"I mean it"

"accepted" I say, I move to kiss him on his cheek, he gives me his lips

what is it with me and these boys I wonder

I act as though I didnt notice, kiss him on the cheek he says someting seemingly foolish again, I hit his hand he holds onto mine hands, no one is holding the steering. I take over, he works the pedals, I work the wheel. to our destination.

"that was fun" I say

"you are fun" he says

there for a bit, time to go, outside, waiting for mutual friend, he holds my face, says,

"Im going to come 80% why dont you do the 20"...

I did

we kissed.

his lips taste like pistachio and chocolate, my fav flavors, his lips, so succulent, makes me want more.

I have the hots for him, he does for me too. his longer than mind if I might add, he knew I had a crush on crush, he had the hots for me even then.

I don't want to date him, I cant, too many mutual friends, too many questions

we have the hots for each other though.

so we are going to keep kissing.

How long is this one going to last I wonder

what is it with me and these boys sef?

Harmless flirting indeed.

N.b
My peoples Im going to try update at least once every 2wks, busy busy busy. guys please refer to Jeremy's Blog for updates on the Uzoma Okere issue, Ive decided to Volunteer, Im going to help fight injustice, who's with me?

Naked potopoto

2008-10-28T04:32:00.000-07:00

So Invisible Inspired this.

I cant exactly stand the reccession in blogsville either, whats happnin to us guys?

you need to read invisibles post its hilarious. makes me wanna say;

My friends had been goin on and on about some strip clubs in gidi, I had never been and being a gbeborun, inquisitive somebody I had been making noise in their ears about how I wanted to follow, why didnt they take me before?

That particular friday we had a gig to be at but got bored early into it. I was sooo mad as in after getting dressed to go out the tin don dey dull like that kin 12. the next thing was to go home and sleep abi? naw! my boys had a better idea.

So we get there and Im the only girl with like 5 boys, luckily as usual Im all dressed up like one of em so nothing like anyone mistaking me for a hustler...or so I thought.

We pay to get in and almost immediately Im engulfed by all the smoke, that place was darn hot, too may people in one room, suffocating.

it must have been the suffocation that made me want to pee cuz I had to go and I had to go fast. the toilet was descpicable but meen I have seen worse.

I get out and I cant find my boys ALL FIVE OF EM! AH! mo gbe. I whip out my phone and Im calling when this drunk ass,halitosis harborin, native and cap wearing, ugly as fork, cousin of Gollum bitch ass morafoka walks to me and tries to pull my arm, Ol boy me sef fear from the bad eye wey I give am, he's still trying to touch me, I muster ALL the phonee in my body to tell him that if he touches me, he will die. ol boy na so the guy start tell me sey im be counsellor for im constintuency as in ewwww what the fork! luckily for me, one of the boys came back to get me.

the show was eww, ,at that point two girls were supposed to be doing a 69 on stage with a dildo but it was ewww, they had no idea! they were faking it as in the expressions on their faces was dumb. ugly ass girls dey waka with white bra and pant talk sey na bikini, there was even one that looked 4 months to due date and had local tattoos of coconut trees on her stomach, I was distressed.

there was now one multiheterosexual, bisexual, monosexual girl there, ol boy the girl was sick! a customer, she was getting a lap dance from a stripper, slapping the asses of any stripper that dared walk past, getting her boobs sucked from the guy she came there with, putting her flashlight in the strippers ass, sucking another strippers boobs, it was a sight! at first I dey shy to look but I noticed one of my boys had turned his chair and was looking at them full, when I pulled him, he told me say na strip club, if dem no wan make person see them dem go do am for house.

like all that wasnt enough the idiotic Dj kept on playing Whitney's your love is my love and kept on going back on ''If tomorow was judgement day" odikwa very unfunny, I was thinking if rapture should come NOW, wetin I for talk? this place no worth am naa.

the coconut bearing girl now had one baba mufutau oko Iya basira look alike customer, following her up and down, as in they would go to the corner and he would proceed to squeezing the living day lights out of her breasts, the guy had this nackson look, it was disgusting. after the dance she would now wear her payint back right there and then. HA!

It was upsetting, that my first trip to a strip club woulda been such a disaster as in NOT ONE of the girls was fine, NOT ONE! mo fe le ma sunkun.

we left there disgusted as in even the guys were disgusted, straight home to sleep and try to block the omages from my mind.

potopoto, yanmayanma girls.

Truth be told...

2008-10-16T05:08:00.000-07:00

My Personal peoples,

Blogsville, I don miss una gaaaan!

unfortunately I might not have beeg entirely honest...WAIT! dont take away my honest blogger award just yet.

I havent blogged in a bit not because I still been feeling the blues...nah! Ive been mad busy. Yes I have been feeling better just being too busy to blog as in belee that. By not bogging I just might have given you the impression I was still feeling down and thats not true. ema binu! lol

NAAAAPAAAALI!

I am stunned, put up a post just becos of me? I waas feeling every inch of a princess. thank you for all em birthday wishes it was a blast guys, ill give you the jist a lil bit.

TRUTH BE TOLD...

I learnt a couple of years ago that when it comes to man and woman matter the best thing to do is MIND MY FORKING BUSINESS so guys I wonder...is this one of those times? errrrm HELL YE! theres so much to say, so little time by the way mz Dee I miss you o! you too invisible and Afro.

well the situation on ground is that...

Friend A and Friend B are my friends but they dont know each other. Ive known friend B longer but Im closer to friend A well, friend A tells me last week that she forked friend A's Brother in law. i.e Friend B's sisters husband. (she met the guy randomly)

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE DUNNIT honestly guys, like Mario I dont wanna know as in I cant start to imagine why but as for me and my house we shall mind our business. how the hell am I supposed to say it

"errm friend B, you know that my friend A? that Im always talking about? well she been balling your nephews daddy...hehehehe" olorun maje abi pples wat do you think?

on the other hand TRUTH BE TOLD why does sex have to be so complicated? is it so difficult to understand sometimes that I just wanna fork you?

I lost a good friend of mine just cuz we forked I mean, its not mine fault, he decided to take a walk, dunno wassup with him on the inside, he prob thinks Im gonna get clingy and sheet but dude "I just felt like it and you was there so we dunnit! does it have to be so complicated?"

TRUTH BE TOLD

I met baldy a couple of weeks ago, Lordy lordy lordy he soooooooooo sexy but erm...I just want to fork him. well that makes two of us! hehehehe

baldy starts to piss me off with the "we cant get emotional and sheet" sturvs even after we had agreed on our 'arrangement' trust me and my big mouth i told him

"baldy, I dont want to marry you, dayyum, I dont even want to be your girlfriend, I just want to fork you! is that sooooo difficult to comprehend?"

lol. I really did say it, over the phone, in front of my born again older cousin, i reckon her mouth stayed open for days. lol

TRUTH BE TOLD

there is someone I do want to date and get emotional with but errm you know how it is, I dey fear to tell am lol. I have desisted from keeping his number and I look forward to seeing him once every two weeks whenever I do a meet with our circle of friends, then I go all mushy and stuff ater which I forget him or at least try. lol

EWOOOOOOOOO from I dont have time to a semi long post lol. hope I have satisfied y'all, Im still reppin abi?

Bloggers All, I miss and love you guys and errm spread the word...

THE BAD'CHAIRLADY IS BACK!

All those are born in October stand up stand up!

2008-10-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

For starters, I'm grateful for the calls, text messages and mails.

I'm grateful for the comments, the words of advice, I'm grateful for them all.

Last year, I sat in my room, the eve of my birthday, sad. midnight I started to cry as though I was an egbere (those mythical creatures that are said to crfy once you take their mats which supposedly supply wealth to the taker of the mat or somin of the sort) I cried till my eyes were bloodshot (take note Im not a crying person usually)

it seemed everything was wrong, all my plans, you know the ones that I made when I was sixteen? well they weren't going according to book, I wasn't married, didn't have no kid, my career wasn't where I wanted it to be couldn't afford a trip on my own, couldn't as much as do half the things I had thought I could do. My friend called, the one whom in my previous post I said has relocated? well he called and told me

"Bad, you be fool! wetin dey cry you? you never marry so?

you no get pikin so? ehn you no get the kin money wey you want and so diafore?

you dey hung? you no get cloth? okay you no get your own personal motor, you dey waka?no be cab you dey enter? your padis no dey carry you? I say you be fool.
na water plenty for ya eye, you no know wetin dey do you. needless to say I believed him and stopped crying but at the back of my mind I know what was going on there.

Happy Birthday to me I thought and wept some more.

later in the day I had a real reason to cry. you see last year I spent the day in a home in my neighbourhood, I saw children not up to a year old who didn't have hands, feet, who couldnt talk, crawl let alone stand, they had done nothing to no one yet they suffered so much so so much pain...I truly was a fool. babies whose mothers had discarded them like garbage, who hadnt been given a chance...I mean call me fool again.

me wey don fork fork fork, abuse abuse abuse, tif meat for pot, seduce man, coveted my neighbors convertible, said "I swear to God" me wey don lie "Im in London when i truly was in Osapa London, na so dem dey roam phone? me wey don fight my momsie tire, me who had said it wasnt me when truly it was, Me who had worked on the sabbath, place less important things before he who is all knowing, me wey dey watch people fight add salt and pepper join "EHN! did you hear what he said? if na me I go SLAP AM!" me the sinner.

God had blessed me in short over blessed me and yet I was still sad, everybody dont call me Timaya or badder call me fool!"

even as I sit in the same spot as I was last year, with the same situations as in I trip e be like say I'm in pause mode, even as I stay here wondering and getting close to tears again as to when stuff will move for me, I kneel and sing thank you Lord, I really am blessed beyond measure, I might not have it all but I have him!

My birthday comes a day after Naapali's, in exactly 10days, I am not excited as I used to be as a child but lord knows I am grateful, no matter what I face ESPECIALLY when trouble comes my way I will praise the lord.

So Naapali...all those are born in October, Stand up, Stand up!

Dear Dr Naapali...

2008-09-25T06:02:00.000-07:00

Dearest Doctor Naapali,

You always have been a deep person,

this is me writing...searching for advice, asking you to please tell me It will be okay.

okay I know it would be okay but...

I really am not myself,

I feel as though my life is in pause mode, I'm not moving forward, not moving backward...at least that's the way I feel.

Naapali, I'm losing my friends.

well not exactly,its not like they are dying or saying they don't want to be friends with me again or anything you see Ola is relocating to America this Saturday, we used to hang out alot.

friend of mine has returned to his home...IN ANOTHER STATE,we used to hang out alot too.

one of my closest aburos left home to go school in Jand, she hasnt even deemed it fit to call me...is she having that much fun? (we used to hang out alot 3)

I feel as though I'm about to lose friend no1. will we still hang out alot?

Al is my newest friend, he needs me to be his friend right now, I cannot afford to be weak.

But I am.

very weak.

I read my Bible everyday, I pray to God for strength. I listened to Sam Adeyemi Preach, he is wonderful by the way. he said little that went a looong way. I believed...I believe, I have faith but I am still so weak.

tell me Doctor, what happens when you are not loved as you should, as you believe you should, as you want to?

I feel as though something is coming, anticipating it, I don't want to be dissapointed.

Dear Naapali,

I'm hurting. I want to cry, I want to be held.

I need Jesus, I have him, but I want him some more. only him can save me now.

will money solve my problems? I don't think so I mean, I'm not entirely broke, moreover the best things in life are free ainnit?

Naapali, I have been busy, very busy working on a project, I'm not getting paid for it no but at least I don't get to think about God knows what it is I think about.
and when I'm working I actually smile. When I'm not working, when I'm alone, I am actually not smiling.

Smile down on me lord, I hate these times in my life, I really really do.

I didn't even respond to all the comments on my last post, (guys ema binu your comments used to make my day)

Doctor, perhaps I need to be quiet for a while, maybe I need to search deeper. Maybe alot of things.

peoples, I might not be doing my blog rounds but I will be approving my comments daily. Thank you for being there for me.

Dear Doctor, my blog family, friends...Me sef tire!

Me being honest.

2008-09-20T15:40:00.000-07:00

I hate Facebook,

yet I spend the better part of my days there. it is soooo frustrating!

pictures, people having fun.

this one getting married, that one having a baby, the most unlikely people getting engaged...why not me? do they possess ori meji? (two heads)

honestly I am happy for them, really really am but wadafork! why d hell am I d one that puts up pictures of...shoes? okay I didn't quite do that, but I'm so close to.

OKay Mo says to thank God constantly, I do how can I not, baba loke is always on point but...ehn

I'm still hating facebook.

I don't mean to sound funny but blogsville is more the place for me, nobody is forming happy here, if you are happy, you are happy, if you are sad, then it is so, for that Fb ehn, e be like say I go go rent man. lol

I love blogsville and I love the people in it, even though I only know a handful one on one, I still love y'all. I feel like I known y'all forever.

thank you for my honesty award from Mz Dee and Ibiluv, I shock say na only 2 pple give me, norin do una I still love you.

I'm gonna do somin funny and pass my award to the unlikely pips so I hereby Tag...

1. Porter d Harcourt
2. Ubong Da Randy
3. Jaja
4. NImmo
5. Unshined Congo
6. Cally Waffy Babe
7. Baba Alaye
8. Yosh
9. Zephi
10. Unnaked

those days when I was unknown in blogsville and I used to get 7-8 comments...they came from you.

half of you have quit blogging but you still a part of the family.

I miss una gaaaan!

this has got to be my shortest post in a while.

Phone Pollution

2008-09-15T03:06:00.001-07:00

"trying to sleep and wondering what to do with this hard on I get whenever I think of you,
wish I had your freshly washed poosy in my mouth with you kneeling on my face
with your legs spread out wide...me eating."

Laaro kutukutu Monday! actually, he prob sent the text last night but I turned my phone off hence gettin it this morning. Na wa o!

ordinarily, I would be excited

ordinarily my possy lips would twitch and spew forth liquids, so much I would need to wash off or/and change my panties "(and I soo hate washing off valuable poosy juice)

but nah, I looked at it, sighed and shut my phone, got better things t o do...like BLOG!

He's really nice and all but I'm incapable of feeling that or almost anything for him, what did you call me now Red Sapphire? Mushy? sorry. though I stripped the post (the tin wanted to finish my career), I know whats in My mind and it prob should have stayed there. Geisha SHARRAP! dont even breathe! lol.

I might have it misconstrued but I know for a fact that even if things do go as I have dared imagine (even for a split sec) God has his plans for us all and we go laff about all this in d future. in the mean time, I know I have a somebory that genuinely cares about me. end of story.

seriously though

I THINK EVERYBODY WANTS TO FORK ME; well not exactly everybody but a whole lot of people do, guys and girls alike...DISGUSTING? riiight!

I mean,take txt guy for instance, at some point in my life I really liked him, problem is I don't feel that strongly about him. I have asked him to stop sendin em msgs but he's stubborn. I dont really mind cuz asides him bein silly we really are good friends so let him text all he wants, his bizness.

problem is, if somebody is sending me those? I want to feel all hot and bothered immediately, I want to feel as though I need to rush into the bathroom stick a massive dildo into myself or better still wait it out squirming in my seat waiting to close so I can rush over and seat on his face with my "freshly washed poosy" funny, I was prob taking a crap when he sent the text. eeeeeewwwwww.

seriously they wanna fork me, (must be my very sexy behind...riight!) I don't wanna fork them and the one I wanna fork? don't wanna fork me. aint that funny?

SBR was fun, Princessa, Exschnerd, Fineboi, Wummie, Mz zynic, Charizad, the two mystery bloggers, Musco you sef wey save the day follow me dance, you didnt know what you were in for now did you? and the others I no mention (no vex) you guys made the trip worth my while.

It was fun coding, I wasn't a blogger I had just followed my friend there despite the fact that I had my boobs on display and I was wearing the same necklace from my profile pic, (tho chari guessed right in the beginning) it was fun when I finally asked princessa for my tshirt and she went bonkers, it was so so fun dancing with two left legged fine boi and screaming with mystery blogger, it was loads of fun. thank you guys.

"Wondering what your ringtone would sound like, your legs on my shoulders, me buried deep within you, hitting that spot, you going crazy from me hitting your womb, I cant stop thinking about taking you from the back, hitting that beautiful arse of yours, reaching forward to squeeze on those sexy titties, dayum Im hard!"

Wetin consain me?

why the hell is this boi polluttin my phone with rubbish?

I tire.

now if it was Jaja or Porter or Invisible (sorry thats my broda) or wavemasta's Straffe Okon or even My Tade, maybe then I for happy small but for now?

My feelings 'Far' you

2008-09-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

I havent changed My mind...

how can I?

but I have changed my mind about what I say or in this case, write.

only God can save me now.

My 'twins' brother-Meeting Enigma

2008-08-17T15:43:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to Exschnerd, teddy bear and To Geisha My Baby

Honestly My post was supposed to be about something else entirely, truthfully I had written the wonderful story of how I met Enigma, how from day one we clicked over the phone, how he watches Top gear, my fav tv pro gramme, how he didn't know my real name for a long bit and decided to call me 'the stig' or badder, even after I had told him my name, he forgot and chose to call me badder.

This post was meant to be about how we discovered we had too much in common we just had to call ourselves twin bro and sis, how for a whole week I was glad I had found another long lost brother of mine over blogsville sheet, we thought the same way, things, we even spoke about the same porn sites he found it in a UK paper, mine friend told me about it.

This post was supposed to be about how I was sooooo crazy when we finally met,how he told me what a bullet was, all the laughs we had, talking about Ibiluv and Afrobabe, how I had to do Jamb lesson to figure out who his bro was. this post was supposed to be a lot of things.

but I fear it isn't.

A few minutes after meeting Enigma and his friend, his friend spilled the beans on me

"Are you not Mrs chic's daughter? " apparently Enigma's friends Grandma is my moms friend, turns out the guy know my momc WELL,goes to the same church as my moms- in turn he knows me too! he knows what I do, he's seen me at work lots of times.

"sebi you stay at *ville* sebi you drive one black car like this sometimes? I see you walking with your brother a lot of times, sebi you know this, sebi you know that"

I wanted to faint, I couldn't even form phantom. like that was not enough turns out Tboi, Enigmas friend used to date my cousin, thats the same girl Enigma posted about when he said he went to Ibadan with a friend ?(one of his previous posts) yes the girl is MY COUSIN freakin small world ye? like that was not enough, the groom walks in and we yarn have a few laughs I'm going through the engagement pictures and kazoom! another cousin of mine (yep I come from a very polygamous family)turns out the groom and that cuz are buddies hmmmm!

LIKE THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH! a bit later this guy another friend of the groom walks in guess what? I KNOW HIM "ha Badder wetin you dey do for here?"

me sef tire.

now in one day badder and Enigma from complete strangers do a full 360. in that one day everything was covered, my moms side of the family, my dads side, my work life everything exposed!

Theres alot of things I dont discuss in blogsville, cuz I figured some things are really private and easily traceable back to me, I dont talk about my weight maybe because it doesn't usually come up, it doesn't change who I am and frankly whats there to say? for the record yes I am one big sister, it don't make me any less sexier.

I don't talk about my best friend and how much I love him, how much I hate him, how much I think I cant live without him(she raisin her eye brow here and going who?) maybe cuz his sister is a blogger as well (gurl that boy loves you mad but he's just too stupid to show it) I don't talk about how much he infuriates me and his way of showing how much he loves me back is by making me mad and then asking "are you forming for me ehn?"

The blogger reunion thing is coming up soon, a part of me wants to rush to the bank and pay my 3k the other part of me is scared shitless, what is the reason for my anonymity then?

I'll be in Jand in a bit, Im dying to meet Afrobabe, fallin over to meet CWB, Im craving to meet Zephi but...
a part of me want to take the next flight to PH to meet Mz Dee and Porter, sometimes when I think of jaja, yosh I get tingly and excited when I think of Charizad I laugh stupid.

I met another blogger quite accidentally as well, added him on FB who were mutual friends? My cousin, My former boss, the guy I used to fuck, the man I love and the aunty that gets me to look after her kids. wow! what a combo!

I accidentally found another blogger well not well known in 'our' cicles, didnt see anyone I read or reads me on her page, I detest the blogger a whole lot hence removing the blurred picture of me, sure you like the picture of my boobs better?

Enigma is 6'1, dark dimpled okay looking, all about his fiancee, fashionable (boy can he dress?) I was so glad to have met my twin.

Will I do it ALL again?

No!

I liked it better when we were just unknown bloggers, friends, confidants, no holds barred.

this post isnt all about sex shame to Sanchez who says I'm a fictional sex blogger, all I can blog about is Sex hmmm!

I'm on shaky ground here, to let go of my anonymity or not to?

Blogsville Blogsville I cant do without you guys.

Another series-The Final Saga

2008-08-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to my blogbroda Enigma, you know every.

and to Ms Dee, I really really appreciate you!

The front door opens, its Sunday morning, Tejumade walks in cautiously,still trying to have a defiant look on her face, the gate man comes in after her, oblivious of what is going on, he is carrying a large grocery bag, she had gone shopping.

Tade walks into the living room,
she halts in her tracks, she is cold all of a sudden, the kind of chill that comes from fear, she tries to shrug as tho to say

"do your worst" he looks at her with the look which seemed to be saying "O! I will"

"Longinus" Tade says

"sir!"

"we are not in, we have traveled"

"but oga, no be Oga and oga madam I dey look so? wuna dey na why you talk sey you don trafel?"

"Longinus, go get me Shina"

"Yes sir!"

still rooted on the same spot, they look into each others eyes, a million words being passed through them both, yet everything is quiet.

"SIR!" he salutes

"Shina, we are not in, we have traveled for the weekend, better still for the week, nobody, I mean nobody gets in...or out of this compound, am I clear?"

"YES SIR!"

the gate man and the subordinate leave the room.

Tade keeps looking at her as he walks towards her, past her to the door. he locks it and drops the key in his pocket, it was then she noticed the house was actually dark. All the blinds had been drawn, it was a Sunday morning yet looked like a friday evening

Tejumade knew she was in trouble, as though by reflex, she suddenly runs up the stairs if only she could make it to the room and lock herself in, she was willing to stay there for days if need be, she hears him chuckling as he walks up the stairs, she gets to their room, panting. she shuts the door and is about to lock it when she notices...the key is not there. 'Oh! no, he had removed the keys. she runs into the closet...same there, she turns quickly, hoping she still has time and is about to run out of the room when he strolls in- she stops. He shuts the door behind him and locks the door,takes the keys and the others out of his pocket and places them on a top shelf, there is no way in the world her hands can reach it without her grabbing a mini ladder...the Mini ladder was downstairs.

"so how was Tosin's" he says

"what makes you think I saw Tosin?"

"I married you didn't I? I know you! you have been sleeping girl, I can see it on your face, plus the only place you would go to is Tosin's, so how is she?"

Silence

"she is fine"

"great. have you had breakfast?"

"yes I have"

"good...interesting, your husband is hungry on EVERY level and you are well fed abi?"

silence

he walks to the table, and then back to her

"by the way, your rings, and please try not to forget them again"

she is about to collect them but he takes her hand instead and places the rings on her fingers himself.

"thank you"

"you are welcome"
-
-
-
-
-
-
-

"take off my uniform"

"but I'm cold" she sulks

"not for long dear"

she takes it off, he is looking at her as though she was a prized mare about to be sold off.

"yesterday was a nice move you know, you had my deeck stretched out so far, it could have been a blanket did I say that? I meant it was a duvet"

"I...I..."

he looks into her eyes and smiles

"I love you baby, if I came back to the world I would marry you over and over, what I did was wrong but what you did was worse ye?"

"there's no measuring what you did or I did so lets just forget about it, I mean, I forgive you so lets just move on"

"O but wife, that is not going to happen you know that, you don't do that to me and get away without any form of punishment right?"

"but Tade...."

"I mean, I got my punishment yesterday, its only fair you get yours today or at least for the rest of the week" his words hung in the air.

"get on the bed"

"but T, I dont think" she didnt have a chance to talk, he lifts her as though she weighed nothing and drops her on the bed, she tries to scramble off but he holds her by the leg and pulls her right back, he is chuckling

"coward, you are running?"

he peels off her jeans and places his fingers on her poosy lips, he holds them apart and buries his head between her thighs, she is struggling to get up, he firmly holds her thighs apart, she gets wetter by the second, he gets harder by the millisecond, he reaches for the drawer and retrieves one of the many 'treasures' he had placed there earlier, 'the bullet' he flicks the switch and places it against her clit, she starts to moan uncontrollably, she tries to move away but he holds her down, this is crazy! he slides a finger in and out of her, he makes it two, then three, by now she is beginning to lose it, his tongue joins in the torment, soon it is doing a 'tongue jump' over her engorged clit. up- down-up-down, she is losing it, she has lost it, she is thrashing all over the bed, her head is spinning

"Tade, I don't believe it, I'm going to, o shit. I'm going to....come!"

Tade stops abruptly, he takes his fingers out and looks at them, DARN! she was wet.
she was soaked, she was a bloody storm.

he pulls her off the bed, her words are incoherent, her legs shaky, he kisses her

"you like it babe?"

"hmmn hunn? what? ehn?"

he laughs walks over th the chair and sits in it, he turns on the tv and starts to watch.

whadafork?

Tj is about to run mad, there is no way she is going to let him do this to her, she rushes to the chair and mounts him, in an instant he grabs onto her ass cheek, all manner of forming evaporates, he needs her as much as she needs him. he is fully dressed, she isn't.one thing is for sure though they are both turned on like crazy,. she starts to grind herself against his deeck, she needs release and she needs it now! right now!

"baby!"

she kisses him then, shoves her tongue down his throat as though she wished it to come out at the back of his head, he kisses her back, hard and fast, she pulls off his shirt, she needs to feel his hardness against her softness, his length against her wetness, he holds on to her left boob and right ass cheek, darn he loves this woman like crazy. realisation sets in and he slows down

"baby, I'm sorry I hurt you nothing should make me do what I did, I shouldn't have..."

she stops his words with a deeper kiss, her words muffled against his mouth

"my love, I was so wrong, I nagged you. I pushed you to the wall, I know, I'm sorry too. but errm I have something that could make all that go away"

"trust me" he said looking at her "I already have what can making all that go away...what is making all of that go away"

he smiled mischievously she has an urge to be shy

"but I have something to tell you"

"wife, cant it wait?" he flicks his finger over her nipple, she closes her eyes in ecstasy, now she is lost

"ye-yeah, as long as hmmm, as long uhhhh, as long as you promise we can pick names for the baby when we are done"

he stops, shock, admiration, happiness, ecstasy, respect, love he is feeling all that plus more as he looks at her

his voice coarse

"you serious"

"yes, got the test results"

"how...when? how..."

"three and half months, that kind of explains my crappy moods"

"but you still got your period"

"I'm told that happens sometimes

"okay, errm, shit, baby! I'm...oh lord..."

he kisses her then, slowly, rubbing her back, he kisses her eyes, neck, he licks her lips, Tj is loving it but she wants more, she gets off him and walks to the door, slips her feet into the heels she left there, this was necessary her husband is 6'1 she is 5'2 she needs the added advantage, she walks back to him and pulls him off the chair, Indiana Jones wasn't as interesting as the action they were about to create anyways, towards the wall, she helps him shed his jeans, holding on to his deeck, she has the urge to lick him, she does, but she wants more, her back against the wall, he knows what to do, he lifts her and she wraps her legs around his waist, slowly he slides into her, her heat swallowing his length, volcanic eruptions long awaiting his invasion. slowly his length goes in and out of her, he is driving her nuts

"Man yi, Im pregnant not disabled, fork me hard!"

"no babe, let me take you slow, I don't want to hurt you"

"you aren't going to"

she slides her legs lower and places pressure on her arms, now she is riding him, he is standing, she is going up and down on him, she places her leg on either side of the bed, her back still against tje wall, she could feel him, her screams are forthcoming, good thing they were alone in the house, even if they weren't who cares?

"lie down man yi"

he obliges her, she sits on him and takes his whole length in her, she is wet, there is the squishy sound, slurping, her lips eating him raw, he sits up and takes one nipple in his mouth, he bites gently then not too gently, if she wants it hard, she was going to get it hard, suddenly his hand meets against her ass cheek

"SHIIIIT!"

he rubs on her to ease the pain, but this pain really was her pleasure she had once said, he spanked her again, she is riding as though it was the wild west, she was going faster, winding, grinding, rolling her waist, grinding some more.

"ohhhh fork me ride that deeck babe, its all yours"

"I know that and I'm going to treat it well"

she kisses him then and then with sudden speed she turns around on his deeck without separating from him, this girl is skilled and he loved it! now her ass is facing him, her hands holding on to his legs, her buttocks bouncing on him, he had died and gone to the next world!

no way in the world was he going to go down without a fight, without showing her who the husband is, he grabs her legs, soon enough they are beneath his arms, her lower body off the bed, her upper body holding on to the wood for dear life, his wood ploughing her for dearer life, this is crazy he is thinking, crazy crazy!

Tj's head was spinning, she couldn't help it anymore, her screams were tearing the air, she didn't care if the preacher heard her right now, didn't care one bit!

he lowered her legs and still inside her, he somehow pulls her to the side of the bed, she is looking dazed...good,

"hold on to the bed babe"

she does,

standing she is doubled over, his length is hitting her now,touching her cervix, again and again, he can feel her tremors, he can feel her starting to shake, now he slides in and stays in grinding himself against her with each thrust

"I'm going to come"

"I know"

she screams then, her legs buckle, he holds her up, she is shaking, vibrating, coming hard, she is a train, full express come.

he isn't done yet

he turns her around and kisses her, then he places her back on the bed and enters her gently

"I want you to feel me!"

"I feel you already baby"

slowly now as though he wasn't the same steam engine from a minute ago, with every full length he looks into her eyes, slowly over and over and over and over, making love to her, soon he can feel her tightening again, she is insatiable, gradually he makes mad love to his wife, holding on to her for life, she is holding on to him for the same reasons

his eyes are misty, her name on his lips

"Teju, bABE!"

he comes!

he releases his essence into her, his come travels all the way in, she is still milking him, she holds on to him and then she feels it again

"Tade...T, baby, I'm coming again, hmmmmmmmmm!"

they look into each others eyes and then she licks her lips and says

"I want more"

he groans

"Tj, oo ni pa mi, you wont kill me" then he smiles "well, we are spending th whole week in Kenya arent we?"

he starts to kiss her again.

11 months later.

"Tade noow, stop it"

"why should I?"

"I'm trying to breastfeed thats why"

"ehn se you have forgotten that as your husband I am the original owner of your breasts?"

"Tade stop e jo"

"sha se kia, be quick, Im bursting here"

"I can see that"

" how much time to I have to wait? its 2.30 am I need my wife"

"as soon as Im done feeding these guys"

"okay o!"

Tj smiles, later now he will call her a Tigress, but she really was one, the twins were only a couple months old and they were back at it like rabbits. her kids, Teni and Temi, her babies, the boy was beginning to look just like her, the girl was looking just like her too...okay okay they looked like their father so what?

"Tade"

"Ye?"

"I love you, you know that"

he smiled

"come and show me how much"

THE END

phew!

Another series prt 4.

2008-08-12T15:30:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to Zephs, Afro, Enigma and reluctantly Jaja. enjoi.

He hears the shower running, slowly he takes the stairs, what had he just done. what the hell had he just done? as he walks into the room,he hears the song from the speakers, Thicke's lost without you. he shakes his head. 'Tade you really are a bastard'

he braces himself, she would probably punch him, slap him, hit him, he didn't care, he just wanted to hold her in his arms and apologize. can you imagine, 1hr ago, she had been the one apologizing, now the tables had turned it was the other way round. expecting to see her sitting on the floor in the bath, he walks in to see her just rounding off her shower...

"Tj"

she ignores him, he deserves it.

"Abeke mi"

she ignores him again, he so fucking deserves it!

"I shouldn't have done that"

she walks out.

"don't do that babe"

he follows her to the room, notices she has her clothes spread out on the bed.

"where you going to?"

she still ignores him.

"babe..."

he holds her, she tries to extricate herself, he doesn't budge, she starts to wrestle in his grasp, he is stubborn, she becomes limp.

breasts against bare chest, lower region against cotton, he starts to get hard, she can feel it, she likes it...he loves it.

Tade places his lips against hers, he probes, he finds, she returns.

*that wasn't half bad, not what I had expected*

she is kissing him back,fervently, soon enough she has taken over, she pushes him on the bed, and starts to kiss his chest,a lioness, she has conquered her prey, she trails it down to his stomach, his belly button, not slowly she pulls down his pants, and there it was...the gold-member, the object of her desire, that of his pain. she slides his deeck into her extremely hot mouth, he is a goner, he is lost, Robin seems to be playing again, whadafork is up with the shuffle?

'cant help myself, how does it feel?'

"feels so darn good babe, feels gooooooodddd"

"you like that don't you?" she asks

"aww babe" is all he could muster.

she crawls over him, still in her birthday suit and whispers into his ear

"I want to fork you dirrrty, are you up for it?"

*my wife is the biggest slut I know...and I love her for it*

"fork away babe"

she grabs his head and places it over her breasts, he doesn't need a map, he grabs the left breasts and squeezes like he is milking a cow, he licks the nipple, laps and pulls, bites then stuffs the whole darn tit into his mouth, its spilling, his mouth ain't that big but he can be greedy cant he? I mean she IS his wife.

"don't be partial dear, my titties are twins remember?"

he grabs the other and starts to bite on it, while he chews on that one, he milks the other, if it was possible, he would swallow it all.

"I want you babe, I want to fork you baaad"

"I determine what happens Tade, I say when you fork this poosy and when you don't and right now, I want you to eat this poosy, so eat me NOW!" his deeck gets harder

without saying anything else, she climbs over to the head of the bed and holds on to it, she places her hot hawt poosy over his face and says "feed on it" again his deeck gets harder

he doesn't need to be told twice, he buries his head into her poosy even as she grinds into his face, her aim is to suffocate him, his is to die in between the thighs of this woman.

his tongue in her, her dam emptying. "aww shit, shit shit" was all she could say he responded by grabbing her thighs, he flicks over her clit over and over again

"Stoooop!" she screams

he keeps going, over and over her clit, after every few flicks, he'll attempt to stuff his tongue in her hole, again, again, her eyes are hot, her feet seem as tho they are boiling, the hairs on her neck rise to the occasion

"shit, shit, shit, shit"

he is persistent.

"aRGHHHHHHHHHH!"

she comes, a very orgasm, now she speaks gibberish. he's not concernred with taking it slow, he wants more, he wants it all, he wants it all now!

"catch your breath babe, sit on this guy, sit on him, I'm going to explode!"

she catches her breathe... then she whispers into his ears

"are you ready for me to fork you dirrtty?"

"hell yes babe"

she walks to closet, emerges almost immediately with two bandannas

"lie back darling, this one is on me"

*bitch*

the bandannas go round his wrist, then to the head post, securely she ties him just as he had taught her those many years ago, making sure both hands are secure,while she feels his deeck getting harder.

"how do you want this darling?" she asks.

"just fork me baby"

she walks into the closet yet again this time emerges with his uniform.

*for what for?*

"babe, what are you doing? I'm bursting here, come on and ride your guy na haba"

"how would you like it if I wore this?" she slowly puts on his white shirt "sexy yes?

"yes babe, soo soo sexy"

she picks her jeans off the floor

"what if I put on this pair of jeans, do you think they go well with your sexy uniform?"

"won-der-ful Tj take those off, come and jump on it...."

"you know, I'm not wearing any underwear don't you? thats why my nipples are straining against your shirt, or could it be the starch?"

"babe! I want that and I want it now, you said dirrty forking, I'm going crazy"

*Ipod shuffle- we can make love in the bedroom rolling onto my water bed, I'm kissing you sliding my fingers thru your hair....*

she crawls all over him, her jeans and his shirt barriers, he wants to feel her body, he wants to be inside her; into his ear

"I know that given a little time, you will free yourself from those bandannas, but while that is going on think of how far I would go, into some random bar, just to have a few drinks, think how many guys would be wondering, placing bets on whether I actually have any underwear on, why my nipples seem to be straining against this shirt, what it would be like to fork me! I know that when you finally get your hands on me, you will do with me as you wish but in the mean time, I'm going out"

with that she gets off him and walks towards the door.

"Tejumade...dont you dare!"

"O! Tade, I dare and by the way, my wedding ring is by the sink"

Exits stage.

Another series Prt 3.

2008-08-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

this post is dedicated to CWB Callywaffybabe, she would go crazy if she reads this. babe, I dey miss you o! where you dey?

He looks on the floor, there she was, his wife, his heart, his everything. sleeping. he knows it is a troubled sleep, he knows all too well.

' you are being a bastard Tade' he thinks to himself 'ye I know, but e don dey too much, this chic is driving me nuts, she don dey do am tey let me just treat this fork up once and for all'

"Try my children, try never go to bed without resolving a fight, it is very dangerous to go to bed without sorting out issues" that is what the Reverend had said, during counseling, before they had gotten married, nice funny old man. had been married 47 years, had experience plenty experience.

"never let the third party in" he had said as well.

but what was he doing now? granted he had not let the 3rd party in but he had gone to bed without resolving issues with his wife, he wondered what had been going through her mind; for starters, he had forgotten to wear his wedding ring? why the hell had he even taken it off in the first place? why was he always rolling it on his finger? why? only God know what she must have thought. he looks at her again, she looked tired, she must not have had any sleep whereas he had slept and slept well!

Marco's place was a street away, he had the keys since Marco was out of town, he had gotten the solitude he wanted, he had slept and slept. up at 5.35am as though something or someone had woken him up, 10mins later he was home and had been watching T.v since then.

Tade had almost cracked when she was begging him, almost carried her to make maaad love to her but no way, she is getting used to this sheet. drives him to the wall and then comes and apologize and he was expected to answer on the spot every time? this time had been extreme! in their history she had never accused him of cheating, where the hell did that come from?

'se if you want to accuse me, let me do it then say I did it abi?'

why the hell would he want to cheat anyways? the girl was insatiable, it was work trying to keep up with her. anywhere goes. garage, kitchen, bathroom, stairs, she is up for it! and now he is hungry for her. damn he is hungry for her...for her and the food! 'this kin hunger no get part 2' but he's forming, how can she go and cook loaded beans when I'm forming ehn?

she looks cold he thinks but if I cover her now it would look like I'm done forming, he stands up and picks the AC remote, he reduces the temperature. that should be alright.

His cork was hard!

he needed to get into her!

they ALWAYS forked Saturday mornings, darn they forked every morning.

but he was forming.

'iru formin oriburuku wo le leyi n sin? (which manner of crase forming is this?)

he goes back to watching tv

A while later.

Tj woke up with a start

she sat up abruptly, Td was asleep on the chair, he must have been really tired from hanging out all night. she stands, looks into his face and sighs

this time it was on.

why do I always do this? why do I always always push him to the wall? Most of the time? he's not in town, he's away at work, and when he comes home what do you do? frustrate him!

"Naval Officers? they too like fork" Ebele had said "how you sure say everywhere they reach, your husband no dey help different women condition?"

how could she have let that register in her mind? 'you know your husband, you know his strengths and his weaknesses you know him, how can you let what Ebele said influence ANYTHING

Na oestrogen, even I know there is something wrong with me 'maybe I should have gone to see the shrink instead of the family doctor. come to think of it, the doctor had carried out comprehensive tests and I was supposed to go back for the result yesterday, I had forgotten, how not? I was busy hounding Tade ;

"where are you? when are you coming to pick me up?"

"but babe? I'm in Apapa, how do you want me to get to you? under thirty minutes? you just told me to come pick you up 30 mins ago, by the way where is your car?"

"I sent Mr John home with it, I was tired of seeing his face and I didn't feel like driving"

"why would you send the driver and the car home and then ask me to leave everything I'm doing to pick you up?" he sighed " Okay I'm coming"

and when he had come to pick her up? she had suddenly remembered she had to go to Fifi's place in Ikeja, sure he had taken her there in spite of the traffic and when they almost got there? she remembered Fifi had said she wasn't going to be around. then, she had remembered she wanted to pick gele up from Buky's in Ogba, finally they had come home. so he had come to VI from Apapa off to Ikeja, Ogbaa and then back to the Island. 'and what had you given him in return?'

Stress, she had nagged all the way, 'even I know I was nagging'

A lil bit later

Tade woke up with the aroma in his head, his stomach was growling he hadn't had anything since breakfast yesterday but he had gone through worse, he was still strong.

'yes, you've been through worse but for the love of God the smell of your wife's food wasn't wafting through your nostrils.'

into the kitchen he spies on what she is cooking- edikaikong and Eba. seriously this woman will not kill him.

"should I serve your food now?"

he ignores her.

he is hungry

but he ignores her.

"I made some pepper soup as well"

aje oshi (winsh), she wont kill me he's thinking

in reality?

he ignores her.

he watches as she puts the soup in a plate.

ewe eee

all the right combatants were on the field

this was torture.

but no

he ignores her

"Tade yii ti stubborn juu, Tade? he can spite his nose, just like his father, the two of them are like bulls when they are angry,too stubborn. like elephants too they never forget" thats what his mom had said

right now he was going to spite his nose at the cost of his very existence

to himself

'Im hungry for pussy, I dey form
Im hungry for food, I dey form
over form no pure o!'

"your food is ready, would you like a sprite or a just water to go with it?"

he ignores her

he looks at her

to himself 'don't do it Tade, don't you dare'

through the back door

'Tade, don't do this to her, don't'

"Shina!" he yells

a distant "sirrrrrrrrr"

"come here"

back into the kitchen, she is still looking at him oblivious of what he is about to do. 'Tade this is evil, don't!'

a knock on the door

"come in" he says

his eyes never leave hers, hers never leave his

Shina is oblivious of whats happening. he suspects nothing, he is oblivious of the tension, to him? oga and madam dey always stay inside house like this, dem no dey comot, his own is to patrol the compound. Shina's nose is about to fall off

'this man dey enjoy o! his wife sabi cook well well"

"YES SIR!" he salutes his boss

"how are you ?"

"Fine sir"

Tade's eyes still on Teju's

"Have you eaten today?"

"No sir, I haven't been able to sir"

her eyes are saying ' I don't believe this'

to himself 'please don't do this'

Silence

"okay then, you can have the food on the table, return the plates later"

"ah Thank you sir, thank you very much oga"

his eyes are clear expressionless

hers are filling not gradually with tears, as the door shuts behind Shina, she falls to the floor, her shoulders start to shake, she starts to sob as she look up to him where he is still standing her eyes are equivalent to a pump, her voice hoarse

"but Tade...I said I was sorry...."

Another series Prt 2.

2008-08-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

Tj laid on the table for a very long while at least it seemed as though it was a long while but in reality she knew it wasn't that long.

"you hurt me Tejumade, you hurt me real bad" was what he had said

'What have I done?' she thought 'how could I have done that to him? my baby, my love, my heart?'

she could hear the shower running in their bathroom, their magic bathroom is what they call it for two reasons 1. it was a two in one bath stall, individual baths all you had to do was slide the glass and it was one big shower, big enough for 4.

reason 2? they made lots and lots of magic there. how many orgasms had she had while in there? How many phone calls hove you received since the advent of Gsm?

She stood up, hesitant yet eager, she knows her husband, in this mood it was best to let him be but how could she? She has to make things right. As she walked towards the bath she could feel him in between her thighs, inside her, his essence the tadpole, her the pool. talking of pools she was still wet! thats the thing about this body of hers, it has a mind of her own, especially when it comes to Babatade Adetokunbo Adebo.

As though sparing the floor, she walks into the bathroom and sees him, her heart skips a beat, his back to her, the jet of water hitting his extremely taut body, the steam clouding the windows and the stall walls, she discards the little clothing she has on (fork the braids she's thinking) and walks into the stall, her side, he notices her...ignores her

she starts to move towards his half of the stall, she stops, she moves back to her half and picks up the soft sponge she uses for his back. 'therapeutic sponge' it usually works she thinks. As she soaps it, she looks over to him and starts to get even wetter and this had nothing to do with the shower.

She moves over to him and starts to scrub his back gently.

it was a silent "stop it"

"baby?"

"just go"

she walks back to her side of the stall then as though on second thought she starts to walk back

"look Tade I...."

he shuts the glass between them.

"tadeee"

she does a half smile and starts to take her shower.

He's done, she rounds off. He steps out, she does the same he starts to dry off, she picks a towel and starts to dry his back, 'he loves this' she's thinking, he loves it when I dry his body, he does.

"leave me alone"

"Haba Tade, whats up with you? I'm trying to apologise here"

he shakes his head "and she still speaks"

she ties the towel around herself, into the walk in closet right after him

"Baby, I didn't mean to sound like that, why are you wearing that? are you...are you going out?"

he ignores her.

Haba, its 8pm, you said you weren't going anywhere, you said you were tired, jo talk to me nooow?

he ignores her.

soon enough he's dressed. blue jeans, black t shirt, black vans, Kenneth cole wafting through her nostrils she notices one thing as he picks his car keys and walks out

his silver band is missing...he's not wearing his wedding ring.

3.30 am

she hasn't had any sleep, in fact since her husband left at 8pm she had been up and about, she had loaded the washing machine with the laundry, ye it was meant to be Saturdays work but her it was the early hours of Saturday, she had sorted his sock and boxers and hung them to dry, their closet she had arranged, everything was in its place, she had cooked for him his favorite meal, beans. she had picked at about midnight and was done cooking by 2. pregnant beans it was loaded with everything imaginable, she hadn't forgotten the pomo in small sizes, just the way he liked it. everything was set.

she had dried her hair and dressed in the purple and black number he had bought her on one of those random days.

"I felt like it so I bought it, I cant wait to see you in it and of course out of it"

she had looked smashing in it, then she had started to get cold, hi t shirt went over it then, any time now, any time now...

5am

she decided to clean the cooker, it was not dirty but hey, you could clean it over and over.

she cut some plantain, checked the oil in the deep fryer- he would be hungry when he got back

5.30am

father please bring my baby home safe

5.45am

Puhhhhh! his horn, thank you lord, quickly into the kitchen, take out the plantain from the fridge, deep fryer, start frying! beans out of the warmer, 7 mins later when he comes into the house, the table is set, they always ate in the kitchen anyways.

"welcome baby, you hungry?"

he ignores her.

"Tade, I made you some food, your favourite, loaded beans"

he goes up the stairs.

she's right behind him.

Into the room, he goes into the closet.

she glances at the mirror, it doesn't really look like she hasn't had any sleep, not at all. she takes off her t shirt and smooths the number she was still wearing, she walks into the closet; he's naked, birthday suit naked.

"at least if you wont eat food, se you would eat me?"

he's not even looking at her.

she walks to him and hugs him from the back, her head is in the middle of his back, she can hear his heartbeat from the other side, it quickens, so does hers.

she starts to rub on his chest at the same time rubbing her breasts all over his back, he stands there lets her do her thing.

she starts to kiss his back, she scrolls down and kisses his taut buttocks, she knows he is hard, dammit she was drippin, her head felt as though it were about to explode, her fingers and feet were hot from the sudden rush of blood to those areas, her nipples were hard, it felt as though there were a thousand pins in them, she didn't remember being this horny, maybe it was the anticipation, the wait had heightened her pleasure but now, now he was going to give it to her the way she liked, her i pod had been plugged in earlier, holiday was playing 'bed' over and over just as she had planned it.

"aww baby, I missed you so much, I missed your cork baby, all night Ive been wanting this, wanting you"

she turns him around to feel him, he places his hands on the sink as he faces her, the tiles were cold, the floors were cold but she was hot! damn damn hot.

she looks up at him as she places his hot hard cork in her mouth and slides it in all the way till she is about to gag, she rolls her tongue right under, at that spot, that line, he usually calls out to her here

"ye T baby, yes darl, babe"

she look up to him expecting to see his passion filled eyes.

It is a cold stare!

for a couple of moments he stares down at her then takes his cork out of her mouth....

"leave me alone."

he puts on his joggers and walks out.

He had rejected her, for the first time ever.

She don enter am.

6.45am

The television is on, he is watching his early morning cartoons, Kim Possible, American Dragon those are his favorites. She is dressed now, she still hasn't had any sleep. she packs the last of the untouched meal into the freezer and cleans up. there is only one thing to do now.

she walks into the living room, he is on the small couch, not on their love seat, not where they usually held on to one another as they watched movies into the morning, she goes toward him, he is not even looking at her

she kneels in front of him.

"Babatade- Baba mi, egbon mi, ore mi, Oko mi, Olowo ori mi (my father, my brother, my bestfriend, my husband, my all) I shouldnt have done what I did, Im not going to make excuses, Im not even going to try, Im just going to ask that you please forgive me, I was wrong, I was selfish, I was stupid, please forgive me, I cant stand this, I beg you"

he turns up the volume, he didn't even look at her.

7.15am

she's seating on the floor in front of him 'you need to forgive me she is thinking, you have to forgive me' her body cant take it anymore, it shuts down.

She sleeps, albeit troubled.

Maybe when she wakes up things would be better....

Maybe.

another series....

2008-08-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

husband and wife fight, a true blend of fact and fiction. enjoi.

"You must be joking, what do you think you are doing?"

"what does it look like?"

"you know I don't appreciate being spoken to like that"

"what now you are my teacher?"

"I am your husband"

"like I needed any reminding "

"what has gotten into you?"

"obviously not you, I probably should go ahead and buy myself a vibrator"

"that is not funny Tejumade"

"It wasn't meant to be Tade, look, I don't want to be having this conversation with you right now, I'm busy."

"oo! but you are going to, we are going to really what you want me to do? first it was your mother, then my mother next thing it was the family thing I forgot to attend, then I came home late on the neighbors birthday, wife, if you want to pick fights with me, let them be genuine sensible fights, kilode? what do you want me to do? I don't need this from you, I just got went through Lagos traffic."

"Really? then you need a break, fine, let me kuku go to my parents house. Ill be back when I become sensible again."

"don't you dare!" barely a whisper, it was a threat, more than a command

"how dare you Teju, what else do you want me to do to make you happy?"

"you can come home earlier, you can ask your friends to stop coming to watch football in my house! you can fork me the way you used to before we got married, I want a baby Tade, hell you can show me you still love me!"

"Ive told you, we will have our own baby when God says and for the love of almighty how have I not shown that I love you ehn? do you want me to tattoo it on my forehead? Ive already done it on my arm, where else do you want it you this woman?"

"I just want my husband back!"

"You have him, you have me,just stop! don't make me do what I don't want to do."

"right, like I'm to believe you aren't seeing someone else, you are a guy, its expected."

If looks could kill she would be dead by now, even she wished she had not said those things.

"...In your life Tejumade Adebo don't you ever, don't you ever suggest that I'm cheating on you, don't you ever threaten me with moving out and don't you DARE disrespect me!"

she is speechless but stubbornness no go gree, she just has to say something stupid like

"then don't act like I don't matter to you anymore"

that was the last straw, he pulls her to him for a fleet second she is scared,he has never been a violent person but right now she was real afraid of this madness,this thing she had pushed him to,this madness she has caused.

Tade pulled her to him and pushes her onto the table in their bedroom, face down her face is in the clean laundry she had just brought in,she cant breathe but it doesn't seem like her husband of 3 years can notice that, he is wild, he is mad, why shouldn't he be? with one hand holding her neck down he pulls aside the shirt she was wearing, his shirt and searches for her g-string, lost between her buttocks, for the first time without asking her first he rips it apart the fabric stings her skin, he had ripped it with one hand, his motive was to cause her pain... a lot of pain she yells out his name

"Tadeeeeeee!"

he bends and says into her ear

"shut the fuck up Made!"

...She did.

soon enough she felt her husband's very hot member near her wetness O! yes she was wet, she was always wet around her husband but not yet she thought, not wet enough

"Tade please"

"I said shut up Made"

he pierces through her, sliding his cork in and out of her, soon enough both his hands are gripping her neck and hers gripping the table, faster and harder he goes, it hurts, but he doesn't care, not right now, his wife has a very big mouth, he needed to 'stuff' it.

"Does that dick feel like it has been forking someone else ehn Tejumade?"

"NO! NO SIR IT DOESNT!"

he hits her then, hard, very hard on her ass, she screams, he hits her again, then again, then again

"Tade jo! please!"

he holds on to her waist and slams into her again, over and over

"TADEEEEE!"

he turns her over and now her back is on the table, legs wide apart with her husbands dick inside her, she is a sight, he tears open her shirt and pulls out her breasts, he squeezes them roughly... puts one nipple in his mouth...bites on it.

"hmm Tade! yes baby, baby, kiss me."

she still doesn't get it does she? this is no lovemaking, he pushes her back on the table and puts her legs on his shoulder, now he's going to hit her womb, she cant stand it, he knows.

she screams

"I'M SORRRRRRRRRRY! please baby not so hard, I beg you, jo, please"

he's not listening, he's still hitting her hard! this should be slow his conscience tell him, you are hurting her, stop man, you are hurting her, not as much as she hurt me he says in his mind

he slows his pace but still hits her hard, he looks at his wife, she is enjoying this, she is, look at her he thinks, who go know sey my wife love fork like this? Lady in the street, freak in the bed!

"Tade Jo, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wont ever,uhnnnn, please, yessssss! I promise, baby, oooo! uhn! baby, Tade, Im comiiiing!"

mistake. she shouldn't have said that, he puts he legs down and slides out of her, he pulls her off the table and makes her kneel in front of him, Tade shoves himself tasting of her into her mouth, she starts to eat him like her life depended on it, she holds on to him like he was a lifeline licking the whole length of his cork clean, he feels himself building, no, it was not yet time to come, not yet, and if he was to come, it was to give her that baby she has been going on and on about he pulls her back up and pushes her towards the wall, she doesn't need to be told twice, she's up on him her legs around his waist, her back to the wall, he jams into her HARD!, sucking on her left breast, spanking her with his right hand.

"AH! baby! my husband, shit, I'm in trouble today,yesssss, Tade, fork me, ye harder, baby, my love, yes, I'm going to come Tade, I cant help it, taDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

he feels her come all over him, he feels the come dribbling down his thighs, but not yet, he places her back on the table and quickens his pace, faster....

"tell me, does that dick feel like it has been forking someone else?"

"NOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm coming again! My love, fork that poosy, fuck your wifes poosy."

"its not my wife's poosy, Its mine!" his fingers tighten on her breasts

"Shit, Shit, shit, MADEeeee! Tejumade!" he falls against her as he empties himself into her, he is spent as his eyes refocus they settle on the clock in their room, a souvenir from their wedding

'Tade and Tejumade
together forever'

he looks into her eyes, his misty, hers starry.

"you hurt me Tejumade, you hurt me real bad"

to be continued.

They are tempting me o!

2008-07-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

First I gotta say this...

I love you guys. As in you guys are tew maaaad. Ive come to realize that though we might drive/walk past each other and not recognise one another, it dont mean we dont care bout each other ( I don dey too talk) anyways, thanks for being there for me...you know una self.

Story stoooory? you know me I always have a story to tell.

I dont like married men!

welll if they are not minding their own business facing their families then I dont like them, you see, I come from a polygamous home and I know what shit my bro and I went thru growing up. I swore at a very young age that that shit wasnt going to happen to my kids as in, Ild rather be a single mother than be someones second or third wife, sheet, Ild rather not at all, so with this info its easy to understand my state of mind.

I have never dated a married man! A friends friend was bawling a couple of weeks ago, trust me olofofo,

Aunty wotapeen? whai are you cryying like as if they haf shoot you? or your mama she haf die?

"my bo-y-frie-nd is- hur-ting-me"

sha sha, it turned out to be that he boyfriend in question is a married man, who promised he was leaving his wife actually he told her his wife and kids were relocating and never coming back, he was divorcing his wife and marrying her. oloshi. oya Mr oga, when is your wife going? question? Till now the wife never go o! the man bought her i-phone the oloriburuku girl returned it, the man wanted to buy her car, the ashiere said she does not want (if you dont know the meaning of oloriburuku and ashiere, well me too i dont know, i sha know it is heavy heavy curse) If it is me, I will sell the phone and the car and tell him they tif it! My own conclusion is that the girl is mad and if she does end up with the man well, I guess one good turn will deserve another. so back to my story

All my uncles call me a slacker,non performer why? I don't organize chics for them, i mean hooow? fine I know I am related to them not thier wives but how am I supposed to organise poosy for them and still be able to look their wives in thier faces? nah that one is not my calling besides 8 out of 10 of my friends na man ask exschnerd and geisha they know me well so except they are gay? no show.

That is how I was minding my business when the first uncle (in recent times) approached me, funnily enough, I didnt even know that one was married, I sha knew there was something about him I didnt like. One evening after plenty, Im busy, Im outta town (dont blame me, I was going through a phase I dint want to see anyone)sha, I just got back from a wedding when he calls, where am I, let his see me, yadiyadi and Im thinking what tha fork? okay, Im home, but you gas hurry up, If I get changed, Im not coming downstairs again o!

I gasta add that day, I was looking STUNNING, sha he shows up in his Ivtech, I think thats what he drives, otherwise wetin concyn me? I get in and he starts to talk

"Omo, you sexy o! this that and then the disgusting part, he is trying to get his hand round my shoulder, remember guys bad no dey flirt mode, I mean if na yosh now ehen, Na me go put hand down him trouser but haba this guy? hells no! no he is not ugly, there was just somin about him, and when I get those vibes it means they are trouble! (my vibes dont fail me cuz thats the night I find out he's married with a daughter) I sha told him to cool off, he wasnt listening and I got down.

Come back he is saying but I aint listening, you be my papa?

the next day, Im bored so I get dressed up and go watch Prince Caspian, as Im walking out of the galleria guess who I walk right into? Him!

he starts bitching, so I came out without him, as if I dey follow am comot before, Whats he doin here? he came to see the premiere of the movie 30 days, at galleria! you no dey read Iv? he's laughin as he gives me the invite, pls check for me, get in, we'll talk on the way, so here I am boxed in a corner but I dont mind cuz my homeboy paps is at the premiere and i havent seen him in a while, so I call paps to tell him Im coming over.

"hey darling Im coming over but Im not staying, I just want to see your face yadiyaya"

the bitch starts bitching again, in his very before, I am calling another man, Im not even afraid, he wont do that to me, this that, that, this. I ignored him, why should I bother trying to explain my relationship with paps to him? we aint together bitch. While in that his motor, the short distance from galleria to expo centre, I nust have recieved 5 calls from diff guys, All my friends but bitch dont know that does he?

We saw Paps, he decided not to stay for the event afterall as the idiot hadnt bothered to read the invite so he was dressed a bit too casually, he'ld rather watch ball anyway so off to city mall, by now I must have spoken to 3 more guys. so he starts fuming, how come I spend so much time on the phone yet, I have never called him? only text messages, if I flash sebi he will call back and Im like "You no even happy sey i text you sef"

we get to city Mall, watch the end of the first half and Im like, Im off, I gotta get home.

lemme walk you he says

nah dont worry, Ill get a cab right outside, so you dont have to miss the 2nd half

ehen! somebody is waiting for you outside abi? and Im like whaddafork!

okay fine, walk me

no dont worry, go he says

walk me and come and pay for my cab I say

Am I to pay for your cab?

WHADDAYAMEANYOUMORRAFORKER? I laugh and walk on Chill he says,

I got myself out, I can get myself home I say.

I got home safe, he called a couple of time later to apologise? I dunno but meen the guy na scum! so thanking God, i found out early enough plus I had that feeling so one down abi?

you would think.

so my grandaunt passes away and being a muslim, the burial is less than a week later. guess who does most of the wahala? me! sebi, I never resume work? from aso ebi to venue to rentals to caterers to drinks? all moi.

I looked like shit, after it all including me gettin pissed when one of the girls from my sec sch shows up and I ask who exactly she is asking of?

"O we've seen him, we've seen Abdul. Abdul is a 55yr old man married with 6 kids, I call him Daddy or Uncle or Daddy Soji plus I kneel down when I see him, the bitch called him Abdul. hmmm the wonders of this life.

After all said and done everyone has eaten our food and gone home but for a few uncles and a few of their friends, I sit beside an uncle and hi friend.

"sweetheart" the friend says, I dont know who the fork he is " you must be tired, after all the work you did, pele, sit down" he pours me some wine, I sip, he's tending to me and Im like whaddayawant man? but he is still my uncles friend (though Im not sure which one) so im like yes sir, yes sir, driver shows up, time to go home to my left is my fav uncle so I kiss him goodnight sa, to my right the 'good man?' I make to shake him but he grabs me and hugs me instead, pressing my softness against his hardness and Im like uhn? he kisses both cheeks and on the second one he whispers

"Call me"

a card is folded into my palm. as a sharp girl, I act like nothing, say good night to all and walk away, I can feel his stares on my backside, he must be hard by now My yamama mind is thinking, I have that effect on people, I think some more.

In the car I check the card

Idowu Rotimi
Regional Manager
Some bank

I sigh as I shake my head, I dont do this sheet, dont he know?

okay so here I am, the card in my bag,

if I call him

1. I'm a hypocrite
2. It could be traced back to me and how the hell my family go look me? (though they all do it o!)

If i dont call him

1. No trips for me and Im bored
2. who knows.

oya blogfamilly mi. whaddayathink?

Its called a....

2008-07-05T15:19:00.000-07:00

It's called a crisis

Since I'm not in my forties, it cant be a mid-life

guess I will call it a... a... a quarter life crisis.

sleepless nights, headaches, serious headaches oh! no not suffering from heartache, or am I

hurt, pain, disgust, tears,disappointment, exhaustion, a lack of performance, just a few of the things I have been going through

I miss you Afrobabe, Mz dee, Yosh, Porter, Ex, Napali and all my other friends.

I soo miss you guys.

like Naapali says, I dey revolve like door.

I cant wait to rotate back to blogsville.

Pray for me guys!

A series of events the end of the saga.

2008-06-18T17:06:00.000-07:00

Phone ringing. pick up your phone mofo, its Friday ain it?

My thoughts are far from pure, I'm thinking all these things I want to do to you, all these things I want you to do to me...

phone still ringing, darn lemme try the land line

1st ring
2nd...
3rd...

"hello"

heartbeat quickens, no not in a good way, its not you on the phone

"good afternoon, may I speak to jibiti please"

"Oh! he's in the bath, would you call him back in five minutes?"

"ye sure"

funny a chic should pick up his phone

dum dum, dum dum, a chic?

calm down babe, calm down, its not like you are dating this guy, its not even like you 'want' to date the guy so whats the long thing if a chic picks up the phone?

20 mins later.

phone ringing

"hello"

same chic

"hey, sorry to bother you but I really need to get to jibiti, may I speak to him please?"

"oh! you know what I'm so sorry, I forgot to tell him you called earlier and he has stepped out, I'm folake his fiancee do you want to drop a message?

STOP! what did you say? girl? his fiancee? I knew the guy was bad but I didn't think he was that baaaad, I mean hey...we ALL knew the guy was a jibiti but?

"erm na, I'll call him back thank you"

"you are welcome"

Ol boy, I don't believe this, I actually don't disbelieve it but hey? okay next course of action? sorry I meant drama obviously ain't no action going on tonight, good thing I hadn't bothered with the whips and cuffs, just joking but really glad I hadn't bothered with any elaborate plans, so really what next?

phone ringing

"hello? sorry he still is not back yet"

"yes, well, I changed my mind, I would drop the message with you,could you please tell Jibiti that I just got his test result back from the lab and it is imperative he comes in for an injection"

"injection for what"

"oh! well I'm not sure I could tell you that but since you are his fiancee aybe you should come in as well to get yourself checked for the STD, expect you soonest." (I had just seen why did I get married, fastest thing that came to my mind)

Now who's bad?

text msg comes in

'hey, my sis said you called, very funny?'

I'm past caring, sister, girlfriend, fiancee all na d same

Now that Ive had a bit of excitement guess its back to the age ol question Who wants to be my baby daddy? lmfao.

A series of events prt4

2008-06-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

"Please take off your shirt."

I was shy, I was going to be naked but I did.

"Please sit on the table and look towards me"

I did

"Can you feel that?"

"yes"

"and this?"

"yes"

"okay do you feel anything when I do this?"

"yes yes yes!"

"does this hurt?"

"No"

"this?"

"No"

"sorry I'm going to have to do this"

"okay"

"do you feel any form of sensation?"

*I be firewood? how I no go feel say person dey touch my bobi* "will a sensation be a good thing or a bad thing?"

"it depends. okay, Im going to have to touch beneath your breasts right now, do you mind? "

*PLEASE do, I need someone touching me but hey sheet wait a minute you cant be doing this, you are...*

"breathe in please, and out, in again, out, good please stretch out on the table"

*On my back or on my stomach, O my God I seem to be confusing things, you are..."

"please...."

*ARGGGGGH!*

by now you guys must have realised this is not the prelude to extreme forking nope, I wish it was but...

"Miss bad, are you listening to me? okay Im going to have to ask you a few more questions, blah blah bla and all. Okay Im going to have to run some tests, the lab is on the first floor, dont forget, you cant exert yourself, you are to do absolutely nothing stressful or extremely physical...."

*but doctor, beads and I have an appointment to go at it like rabbits this friday, thats tomorow, cant I just do it and then go back to being a bit down?*

In reality, I nod my head dejected

"Do anything stressful and you run a risk of hurting yourself, please take your medication and sleep. Bye Miss Bad and remember alot of sleep!"

So there you have it, sheet didnt go down. why? I was down, I was soo upset, okay so It would have been nicer if my doctor had said I could just do and then...but norin of the sort, I was there lying on her examination table wishing she was beads...hmm disgusting thots of mine. hell she could have been a fine male doctor and I wouldnt have minded, I simply would have insisted I felt something on my breasts, examine them pleeeease!

suffice to say, Ive been down but not out! this series must end this friday somebody say amen!

A series of events prt 3

2008-05-29T12:17:00.000-07:00

"Did you come?"

"Iru question ode wo ni bobo yin bimi? whish kin question is this guy asking me? you hear me talking sporadically, panting heavily, I cant even keep my words coherent you are asking me"

"No Im not asking if you came at all, Im asking if you did again"

"oooo okay! yes O! jibiti, I did...again"

"how you feeling?"

"wow, now Im not sure If I can describe the way I feel, I dont think I have ever come that hard, especially under the present circumstances, as I no believe say I fit do wetin I just do first and foremost and I no believe say I fit come the way wey I just come, meeen beads oo ni pami (you wont kill me)"

"Iwo ni o ni pa mi (it is you that wont kill me), you know what did it the most for me?"

"tell me"

"your moans, sheet it was simply crazy, it drove me maaad, and the sound of u...Ol' boy na die o!"

"Im not a boy, YOU definitely know that"

"Ye babe, I definitely why you gettin touchy all of a sudden?"

"Well I dunno. maybe all my senses are sharp this night...what can I say?"

Silence

more silence

even more silence

*One go think sey no be money person dey waste.*

"I gotta have you"

"As what? a cleaner? secretary, nurse?"

"you are into that kinda sheet arent you?"

"How do I say it Beads? you bring out the 'best' in me?"

"No but seriously babe I gotta have you"

"Again? How many times?"

"You are Maaad! is this one categorised as having?"

"well duh! I came what else could I want?" *even me sef dey slap myself I know*

"Woo this girl, kini yin gbono mo mi leti (this stuff is hot against my ears) when are we going to do this sheet, you know this is soo one sided"

"When are we going to do what?"

"Fork...when are we going to fork?"

"O that! I'm sorry beads my mind is not coordinated, I think I'm still coming"

"Great, I need for my mind not to be coordinated either, what you doing this friday?"

"Aww well, you know I'm working on this thing that I'm not so sure when its going to..."

"Shut up. I'm forking you on friday..."

Silence

even more silence

A bit too more silence

heavy breathing

"Works for me beads, I gotta go ow, there's work in the morning."

"ye Babe, I know, good night, sleep tight, I wonder how much credit we have used up sef"

"Do you really care?"

"Nope"

"Didnt think so!"

*Phew! Thank you guys for not decapitating me, No vex the post is late but hey Its finally done...lol. wash out for prt 4 (this is starting to sound like a home video) lol.*

A series of events prt 2

2008-05-22T14:46:00.000-07:00

"I want you"

Please tell me somin I dont know Im thinking, jibiti.

"I know you do dear" in my mind Im thinking I want you too but there's no way in the world Im going to say that now is there?

"So what are we goin to do abot it?"

"Who is we? its you that wants me, I never said I wanted you now did I?"

'you dont need to say it, I can see it in your eyes"

jibiti.

"ehen jere abeg jist me about your ashewo moves jere'

*the story starts, he starts to tell me of the last time he was visiting his brother in New york, I think, he was supposed to have been on his way to God knows where, dont expect me to remember every single detail when all I could possibly think about was his voice bouncing off me, not through the phone to me, I dont want our conversation to be dependent on some crazy mast somewhere, I want that so sonorous voice on me, I want to be swallowing his words but no, not yet, listen girl listen, the gist is sweet o! so the jist is that he ran into a jamaican or was it Ethopian girl at a pub. as a bad guy concern ( I TALK AM SEY THE GUY NA JIBITI) he walked up to her and told her he thought she had a fine ass, so she smiled took him and forked him. end of story....

"YOU ARE MAD!"

"ehn?"

"you are not serious, who are you summarising gist for? oya word for word, I want to hear it"

"everything?"

"to the last detail"

"oo normal (you are not normal)"

"stale jist oya, Im listening"

"Okay...Like I said, I walked up to her and told her she had a fine ass, one of the finest I had ever seen. she smiled and asked my name, Beads I said, yours? wo babe, I cant even remember the name sef, all I could see was her ass, you know how jamo girls dey be now. (he asking me? am I gay?) na so the girl say make we go for stroll o, the stroll turned out to end at her apartment, meen that girl was maaad. she had a studio apartment, once we got in, you for see how the girl rush me she started to eat my lips, na wonder sey anything remain, omo, se ori nigba ti omo yen mu mi mo ara table (if you see when the girl had me against the table) I had like 1 million shirts on cuz of the cold, she just took off my pants and wanted to climb like that niboooo (for where?) omo chill first, condom first o! ma koba mi (condom first dont put me in trouble) babe, she held on th wall abi na ladder, I no even know again, like I said she had me against the table, all I could see was her ass bouncing all over my cork, sheet that girl could wind, omo nigba to ya ti mo yi omo yi meen (after a while, I turned the girl...) "STOP"

"what? why?"

*doont get me wrong, I wasnt angry that he was giving me jist about his sexcapades with anoda girl but I was whats the word? moved, it was almost like I had been there, live and direct a spectator in this studio apartment while this aparantly sexy jamican abi Ethopian girl forked his brains out, sheet, intense sheet*

"why do you want me to stop?"

"because I dont wanna hear it, I cant stand it"

*you rubbish guy, I told you this dam no get control, rivers of flowing water, no stoppin, sheet, did I say I didnt want this guy? I must be smokin*

'you are quiet why?"

silence

he sighed "you want me dont you, he jist is only making you want me more?"

more silence

"what are you wearing?"

"a slip"

"satin"

"yes"

"are you wet?"

"what do you think?"

"I think...I know you are"

"so what are we going to do about it?"

silence

more silence

even more silence

"are you cold babe?"

"yes"

"are your nipples hard"

"what a question, ode, so what are we gong to do about it?"

"shit, I want you"

"I know."

"babe"

"Beads"

"open up for me...."

to be continued.

*to all em wey tag me, saw em, would respond once Im done with the series.

A series of events prt 1.

2008-05-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

"What do you want to drink babe?"

I stared at the beads on his wrists, sexy ass beads, nice I thought, very nice.

"hmm...water"

"sure thing" he stood up, went to get the water.

Sheet nice ass I thought. but that wasnt the only thng I was thinking about now was it?

"here you go"

"hmm thanks"

"what do you want to do right now he had asked?"

"Im going back to the office now, need to sort somin out darn! I wish we werent here in this Godforsaken booth, I wish there was no table between us, I wish I was wearing a skirt, I wish I could cover the short yet huge distance between us, hike up my skirt and sit on that huge huge snake I just saw through your jeans"

DARN IM honey, get the spelling right, Im not just horny, Im dripping honey.

pervert!

you not me.

he holds my hands, "take off your glasses, I want to look into your eyes as you say that"

me? Jibiti obo oshi *rubbish poosy 419ner*

"What did you say? "

"I said Jibiti, I called you a scam, a poosy scammer but really who cares?"

Silence

more silence

even more silence.

*No all this no be my imagination, I wish it were but in wasnt.*

"shit this girl you are crazy!"

"please tell me somin that I dont know"

"I gotta get back to the office"

"Me too"

Silence

even more silence

some more silence.

he sits beside me and puts his arm on my shoulder, Im thinking this is crazy but not as crazy as the premonition I just had, me taking that hand and sliding it through my black tailored well fitting designer pants, his fingers coming in contact with the string I favour over full briefs, a sharp intake of breathe...SHIT! a gasp, he snatches his hand away, I burst out laughing, Im catching mad trips at HIS expense, like the animal I know he truely is he gives his hand BACK to me, I slide it through the trousers again this time he is not just willing but adventrous, he holds on to flesh and tightens his grip, relaxes it, he hangs on to the string and pulls, Ïmagine tearing that off" I say. "do you want me to?" he answers? Rivers of flowing water, the dam is let loose, he tightens his grip "how does that feel?" he tugs, I moan, he smiles, I shut my eyes, now I know we are both MAD. eyes open, all of a sudden Im laughing, to me It is funny, to him... ? how I wan take know.

"you no go kill person, I gasta get back to lekki"

"Amen me sef gast rush back to the office"

You are "wicked you know that?

"tell me you dont like it"

A knowing look we both know he did.

Ill call you in a bit"

"I know you will"

Searching for a baby daddy.

2008-03-31T11:28:00.000-07:00

"Abeg Badderchic, carry this child for me, I'll be back in a bit"

"where to Madam, why are you leaving your kid with me?"

"just want to run to the store, if he cries, his bottle is in the warmer, but he wont, he likes you"

"okay o! sha do quick abeg, i dey comot"
....

"ha! bad, where is my wife?"

"she ran to the store, come and carry your son o!"

"ehn? wait, im coming, carry him now, ill be back in a jif"

....

ween ween ween.

"omo, jo stop crying now"

ween ween.

"take bottle no, you are snuggling at my breasts, you no know sey na sahara desert? dry as fork, you wont stop crying abi? I don dance all the dance I know finish, you still dey cry okay let me sing song more"

he stops crying, he takes his bottle, snuggles into my breast some more and sleeps...just the two of us, darn I wish you were mine.

Okay I don talk am, I WANT A BABY, yes, Im ready,finally, Ive been ready for a bit now actually but now now now I have deceided, I wan born pikin... no Im not just saying this cuz Im horny, (kinda) nah, Im saying this cuz Im scared if I dont have a baby now, I wont do it till Im too old and Ive got little or almost nothing left.

hmmm, who I wan born for sef? obviously it has to be sum1 I can marry, am I ready to be married? no...atleast I dont think so. am I ready to have uninhibited sex everynight, day, afternoon, inside kitchen, toilet, under the stairs?

kai im panting already.
okay who who who? first name that comes to head? Kechi. but we dont talk anymore now? okay my pikin go fine,yellow, e go be ibo, im papa go get money, go dey tush but my pikin go short o! because ehn that boy is short.

who next on the list of prospective baby daddy?

Ade, hmmn everything I wanted in a guy but ehn? it cant work because HE IS MARRIED YOU FOOL!

sorry my bad dont mind me, Im high I believe on...on...actually there's just too much poosy fluids, I cant think straight.

you sure say no be agro? no no no, its not. I want a baby and I want one bad.

aha! A.y he said lets have a babay a while back, I said no no no and no wait hold on let me call him and ask him if he is still interested.
...
...
...
...
Sheet, he doesnt want a baby any more, when he was saying it I was fronting, now he's going to jand for masters. bad timing. hmmm

If u checked my page, I specifically mentioned how crazy I am about kids, well I wasnt bluffing, Im crazy about children. so this is me realising (just) how tired I am at taking care of other peoples kids, thy always find it easy to leave their children with me, darn I too nice.

call it an ad, I dont care!

(like d channel O ad)

*calling out to all single, goodlooking,Godfearing,focused,comfortable,not shorter that 5'7, preferabbly dark (but not that colour really matters), hung like a horse (size matters o! but we can settle for he who can rock the boat well!), knows how to treat a woman, wonderful sense of humour, wonderful taste in music, good at sports, romantic and slightly perverted, no I cancel that maybe adventrous, interesting men (I dont ask fo much I know)

WHO WANTS TO BE A BABY DADDY?

did you just call me beetch?

A bit of info

2008-01-30T12:58:00.000-08:00

Accent: Depending on the occasion, could be so prim it shocks could also switch like I was Will Smith to the local lingua. chameleon?

Booze: Unfortunately I dont do booze, dont have a taste for it. Im missing shey?

Chores I Hate: Washing,ironing clothes. peeling potatoes.

Dogs/Cats: I aint gay, cant stand pussy. gimme d big Dog baby!

Essential Electronics: My Ipod.

Favourite Perfume: Rock and Rose by Valentino. Farenheight by Dior

Gold/Silver: White Gold baby

Hometown: Ogun state (by the time I tell everything what makes me so anonymous ehn?)

Insomnia: Me? loose sleep? you gotta be kiddin me.

Job title: right now, Unit producer for a Tv show... (I say how I go tell all?)

Kids: To the best of my knowledge, None...for now!

Living arrangements: Yuck yuck yuck, I want to move out of the house o! whats this stoopid believe that if a girl moves out she has started doin runs?

Most admired trait: My personality (allow my blow my own trumphet)

Number of sexual partners: I really really do not want to think about it.

Overnight hospital stays:Plenty Plenty times.

Phobia: Live chicken. ye ye laugh all you want.

Quote: Never say never

Religion: Christianity

Siblings: 2 brothers

Time I usually awake: Varies, depending on the day’s activities

Unusual talent: Organising

Vegetable I refuse to eat: errm

Worst habit: Trying to tell everyone what to do

X-rays: you can see right through me cant you?

Yummy foods I make: Porridge. a mean one too

Zodiac sign: Libra (too trusting)

there, I have told ALL...almost

Story story...Another one story.

2008-01-09T12:09:00.000-08:00

(whispering in my cousin's ears)

"Who is this fine boy? omo, he's my next victim o!"

Mumu like me feeling like somebody who can kidnap abi na vampire...my cousin laughs that his deep throaty laff, "ha, he's my neighbour his name is Ope*, Ope Ola*..."

I peer at him, wondering whats on his mind, wonderin hmm nice buns (perverted me. Ive always had a thing for buns) we talk, I find out we went to the same primary sch. haba how come I didnt know you? sheet, you came in primary five, I left in primary four...sheet, we talk some more,I find out his name is Daniel* Im Daniella* sheet we talk a bit more I find out he's in the male version of my high school, we talk a whole lot, we find out we have a lot in common ( hun hun, wetin we know?) we like each other, it metamorphes, love? puppy love? yup we sure as hell werent forkin...two years? we love, then we break up (only God knows the stupid reason) one year apart, his birthday,

I call..."Ive missed you..." silence
"ive missed you more"
"I love you...still"
"Ina sonki too babe" (I love you too babe in hausa)

did I mention he was...is hausa? well kinda he's actually yoruba but was born and grew up in the north so his language one? Hausa, he couldnt...cant even speak yoruba well

did I mention Ive always had this thing for Hausa boys? well back to the story, we get back together, I cant even remember what happens but we break up AGAIN and ja! he leaves for jand. two years later we start to mail each other again...

Darn! I miss you, I cant wait to see you.

one year later he comes back home, I remember why we fight this time but neither of us act like we do.

Eventually 10 years after we first met, I open my facebook account one day and bham! a message from him askin whats up?, I tell him whats been happening, then he replies, I reply and wham another bombshell

"Actually Im in NAija for the holidays, hoping to see a few shows and so on and so blah, drop the digits"

My heart stops beating for a bit, sheet, I drop the digits, He calls, I call back we talk a bit, we finally agree to hook up, thats tough, its high season at work, how I go do am? okay, I have a job on sat, come along?

We hook up on the island, darn he's sexy...still, he hugs me and calls me aburo (younga sister, ye right Im thinkin, broda and sister dont do want we used to do, not want i know we still want to do) we go do my work (actually, i do mine work he jists me in the process) we fight, we make up, he's still as stubborn as ever, Im not far behind, we leave, go to a bar? talk for hours, his moms buzzing, where are you? Naija no safe!
my Cuz flashin "Aunty when are you coming home"

me and him go down memory lane, we jist

"remember i used to climb stool to be able to kiss you?" (i was short, he wasnt)
"remember the day you taught me how to drive? you were my first driving instructor"
"remember when your dad died?"
"remember you used to call me fruitcake"
"remember you were calm I was crazy, it was a perfect balance"
"remember when that other girl said she wanted me and i told her I had a girl" ehn!
"remember what i bought you for your birthday"
"remember we were always fighting"
"remember what you bought on your trip to abuja"
"remember you taught me all those hausa songs?"
"remember we studied Wole Soyinka together?" me i no remember o!
"remember remember remember, it went on and on"

so that day ended, we went home that night we talk planned to hook up again, we did see 'I am Legend', I hold you tight,I really was scared. hmmhmm ho ho ho.

A couple of days and we have another fight, you think I should concentrate on the guy Im with, you think u are a distraction, "dont miss out on a good thing" you say

I call you an Idiot, dont you think i know what im doing? should i have given you all the reasons I dont want to be with him a second longer?

We sort this out:
Ten years ago, no one was finer, no girl could measure up to my fruitcake, no one could be you, I wanted no one but you, now? I care about you and i dont want to ever hurt you, dont miss out on this guy you say you are with.

me?
I loved you ten years ago adn I love you still but dont think Im stupid enough to imagine we are going to end up together, it just cant happen, too much politics going on, do you think im leaving him cuz of you? Im leaving cuz he's not worth it, Im spending alot of time with you cuz you are my friend, you leave at months end, Im making the most of this...what the fork?

We talk some more, you laugh, I follow sef laugh, idiot boy, so what you doin tomorow?

We still hooked up the day before today, theres always alot to talk about, do, you still make me feel like the finest girl on earth, I still think you are the sexiest malo (hausa) boy alive, we cant be together ever but I will and you know you will too still love me like you/I did a decade ago.

My first Love.

Ina sonka (I love you...still)

2007-12-19T13:09:00.000-08:00

My Wish List (borrowed from uunaked)

I wish I'll be more appreciated for wat I do...

I wish To be closer to my creator...

I wish my brother will be done from med sch...

I wish to find love(even tho Im not so sure it still exists)...

I wish all my family get their hearts desire...

I wish to be fulfilled...

I wish to have a proper relationship. Someone I can be faithful to (and vice versa) someone i could wear like as breast plate, someone i could be loyal to, depend on, cry freely to (when it hurts inside), make love to (not have sex with) without wondering when next? tell the truth to, be honest with, talk to, laugh with, have breakfast with, have lunch with, have dinner with, cook for + with , wash with, get naughty with, build things together with, and say those quite difficult to say words to. I want to enjoy a proper relationship for once. And have someone give back same stuffs...

I wish to be happy FOREVER.

Forgive me...

2007-12-11T12:55:00.000-08:00

Forgive me I went away without any prior notice

forgive me I absconded, like I was to blame

forgive me I jumped bail, forgive me I set sail, forgive me pls dont wail.

Forgive me I had to work, Forgive me I had to think, forgive me I had to understand

what really drove me to the brink.

forgive me I was happy, forgive me I was sad,forgive me I as esctatic, forgive me I cried, forgive me I prayed, forgive me I played

forgive me my cousin had a baby, forgive me another got married, age 34 she finally tied the knot. I danced and danced I danced a whole lot.

forgive my Isp, its so messed up, forgive me I changed jobs, forgive me wish I could tell all

Forgive me I had sex, so hard it felt like punishment, Ild ask im to punish me for you again but he's somewhere gettin a hold of himself.

Forgive me I lost a friend, forgive me I gained 3 back, Forgive me I really did miss you, forgive me I did think of you, forgive me I needed you, forgive me I still need you. forgive me...

cally-waffybabe
Naapali
Zephi
unshined congo
Yosh
princessa
Kaydee
Obinwanne
Porter deHarqourt
Mrs S
Black Man
The Last King Of Scotland
Sunshine
CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS
N.I.M.M.O
exschoolnerd
and all my oda blog family

Forgive me for it might seem, I let all the anons get to me,

forgive me give me some time, forgive me my mouth still tastes of lime.

Post Mortem.

2007-10-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

Once a place that felt like home
blogsville, a place i loved like home
though most of us anonymous
it didnt matter we found hearts synonymous
we laughed, we cried, we worried
we cared, we were scared, we bared.

Now like the whole world around us
we have terrorists terrorising us
they force their opinions in our face
not caring about what we have to say
they tell us how to live our lives
at the same time asking us not to tell them how to live theirs
Ironic, Psychotic.

I will not restrict my blog
for i know its therapy for a whole lot of y'all
I will not shut down my blog,
'dont frustrate me' thats whats written on my mug.
I have not made up my mind what to do
i hurt and i ask "how could you?"
for what reasons would you take it away?
you satisfied? you well fed? you soak away?

The warmth we feel slowly turns to cold,
Our emotions now difficult to let show
what use then is my bloggin?
this world i have come to love-in.

To the memory of CWB and Unshined's blogs
now i know why Baba Alaye left us all
My favourite pple in Blogsville
Shut down... Fork this!

Like Lazarus's sister i await your awakening
I will wait, in the oven like i was baking.

12th October.

2007-10-14T13:29:00.002-07:00

6am No Not the alarm, not not the alarm!

I felt the kisses on my neck first, they trailed down to my breasts, hmmm this dream sweet o! so sweet, I seem to be letting go of a bit too much nectar, i turn and feel the weight on me, my eyes flutter open and all i can see is your head doing the up and down movement...Aha! i see Taiwo and Kehinde are the ones getting all the attention this mornin. "hmmm" i couldnt help but moan, you look up at me. "mornin babe happy birthday, how you feeling?" I want to tell you i felt like my heart was about to burst, i cant explain that sweet sweet feeling i feel, i cant explain the way my head spins right now, i feel like Cinderella, snow white and al em darn princesses rolled into one. i feel ontop of the world! i cant say that so i say what i do know how to say..." I feel a certain want only you can give"
you smile that mischevious smile of yours and say " you want me dont you?"
LIKE DUH!
Slowly this morning, im thinking, lets take it slow, different from the usual, youve got to be telephatic as you take my twin orbs into your hands, "beautiful" you say...
I know I think.
you kiss them one after the other licking on my nipples...sheet! im loving this, i really am!
good ain it?" you ask. you know it is and you know i love it when you say "ain' it". you scroll down on me and you start to lick beneath my breasts, you slide your fingers into my moist, "you sure know how to drip" you say. what can i say? Im the the fire service only beacause your the one on fire!" you grab my head and start to kiss me, hard, well fast then slow. you lick on my lips... im loving it i thrust my tongue into your mouth, it meets with yours...darn. you sexy.

you hold me away and look into my eyes... "you know how much i dig you babe?"
in miy mind STALE JIST, to you..."I know, plus you know its totally mutual"

"what would have happened if i had never met you?" i cant answer, I really want to but all i can think of right now are your fingers in me, you are sliding in me, tapping in on the right frequency i must confess. "o! sheet" im moaning, it must have been a fery fery good sound cuz the way you attacked Taiwo ehn na die, dont forget the other one im thinking, dont you dare. But you do dare, you Ignore Kehinde and move all the way down to Alaba. FORK! you know i cant stand that, i really cant..."No dont... i dont want you too" my alter Ego? "Suck on it beetch you know you want to"
You ignore me, and force my legs apart, Ewo! why i no wear shorts sleep na? hmmmmm! you latch on and start to do your thing, i can feel your tongue dartin in an out like a woodpecker, unexpectedly, i move aiming for the other side of the bed, its just too much for me, i cant help it, i cant stand it...your laughter fills the room
"ole, lazy girl, na only mouth you get"

you know me, you know me only too well, you know sey dem no they call me name wey no be my own, you know sey dem no they call me pikin wey no know him papa. in my head Jazzman's song..."Won ti da mi mo lo sen pariwo (they have recognised me, that is why they shout!) ehn omo to dun (the child that is sweet) with the same contenet grin on your stupid sexy face you watch me crawl back to your end of the bed, i take off my panties, who needs the interference? im not taking off my night shirt, I know what the satin does to you and i know what leaving it on does to you, on a platter i spread em legs and say it..."Suck on it beetch!" you laugh that your laughter wey wan resemble growl and you attack me like the spartans attacked their enemies, i cant help it anymore, Im screaming my head off
"sheet, sheet sheet" it only makes you do it some more. I want deeeeck im thinking, i need to grab the 'mic'

"i want you" I say
"you had better" you reply
“No no, i mean...i want...hmmm...i want to sock on you too
"Its your birthday babe...thats not an option"
"but i really want to, i need to...i have to"
you ignore me and go back to doin it, what does CWB call it now? "Claw" ehen yes, im thinking Now, Now! Now!
I voice my thoughts..."now, please now"
"...NO!"
a kaleidiscope explodes, i dont believe it, you making me beg you? your going to make me beg? you are only doing it cuz you know it makes me twice the hornier beetch I am now.

Two can play, I wont give you the pleasure of hearing me beg...or will i?
I Hold your head down, pushing your head into me some more, might as well
Stick you whole darn head into it, my toes are burning, my ears, fingers, my hair seems to be standing, static, electricity, you chose that particular moment to stop... for the good cuz less than a millisecond later i feel you, the you i definitely cant do without 'Tap ' on my button
Yes! finally, he's going to...he's...hmmmmm!

Inside! Home!

your moving now, its the grand prix, slowly, sheet what contrast, harder, what pain, full throttle, nothing but pleasure.

My legs over your shoulders...I DON DIE O. I know where im going to be feeling you, In my brain. ahh Ori min korin, ori min korin (my head is singing, my head is hitting the iron post...who cares?)

"Its paining me" I say
"should i stop" you ask
"nooooooo" I answer. In my head, you dey crase? do more, more
you spin me around somehow, you are still lodged in me, my upper body you nudge, "down a bit babe" im like a slide as you slide in and out of me, i wonder whats going through your mind, but no time to ask, i can feel you building, you exit my body, why nah? you be winsh? you dey crase? what nonsense, what rubbish, what...juices? all over, it feels like the kaiji Dam, the springs, who needs water cooperation if me one person can manufacture so much liquid? See as tap dey gush, abeg shock that tin make water no waste, you lay down and place me ontop of you, no questions, i straddle you, lets go now! Camron you dey?

"Horse and carriage den den, Badchic here den den, with the sexy den den Mr Bad den den, we gonna fooooooork till we come den den, even then den den we go still continue den den"

Me ontop, you grabbing on to the 'twins' they must dey fear, see as dem dey shake, i look into your eyes

"you determine the pace babe, its your day"

Need you say more?, i pull you up and kiss you like there was no tomorow, you latch on to the twins cuz you know thats what does it for me, i can feel it coming, the rush, i feel you hold me tighter than a clamp...

"Im goin to..." i say

"sheet" you say...

"Can i?" I say...
"you want to? you say

"Baaaaaby..." I say

“Uhn..." you grunt

"Aaahhh, mmmm, im...im...im" i say

"uhmmm" you say

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeet!" we say

I come as i feel you spill it all into me. talk about buying me a drink!

im panting, na me just finish marathon, na me just reach where i dey go, na me just land, na me just come

“ Happy Birthday babe, I love you Pieces"

In my mind? Stale jist

As it did not happen like this...wash out for Part two!

A bit down.

2007-10-07T14:43:00.000-07:00

Winches. they want to catch me? sing along

Ota to ba fe doublecross me o! igbaloandogi won.

Got my first shot in 6 years yesterday, i hate hospitals. i had to be talkin to man at the same time, was hoping he'll talk dirty in my ear so ill ignore the pain. did it work? naaah! he was laughin, my cries of 'passion' where gettin to him. I love long things in me but the needle?

whats worse its my birthday on friday...they cant catch me! Prayer def works. he holding me together. Pray for me y'all blog some mor in a couple of hours, need to lie down now.

hmmmmn i sigh.

Story story...

2007-09-25T13:54:00.000-07:00

Stooory! Last week friday was a blast! but before I go on, I have to say THANK you to all you blog citizens for showing me much love, thank you for making me feel so accepted. roll call? abegi u know yourselves moreover u have to pay for advert space. lol

Update on Eno?

Yoruba people say "the talk that we have said the father should not hear, it is the father that will sort it out" hope I got that right. anyways mf is some lucky chic, somehow, there is absolutely noting for her to be afraid of anymore, I mean ehn that binsh has got to be one of the luckiest on the face of the earth. well the problem is not completely solved but, its not so much of a problem anymore. Eno is still on her case like flies on shit but ehn, Eno no get mouth again o! well na me somehow somehow cause the wahala. I actually assumed my blog was soo anonymous, (hence my extreme jaboing, casting, gbeborunin, ofofofoing, general inability to keep jist to myself) I dont tell people about it except we tight like that and even those I told and gave the address e.g my cousin josephine? she says she's too busy to read it. so im feeling sexy with myself abi? wroooong. apparently another friend of ours lets call him Mike (jackass like u, u know yourself) reads my blog, he ends up discussing it with mf's boyfie over a table where Udeme happened to have been present, only God knows how their jist got there but ehn, boyfie put two and two together and tried a bit of psychology on mf, mugun that she is she erupted and started spilling like oil from a rig. (I swear mf na mugun) if na me ehn, i will deny till thy kingdom come. so sha sha the guy sef don they suspect her, says she had been hoarding her fone, stepping out to recieve calls, turning off the phone when they were together, being apprehensive, shaky, jittery et al. only for him to find out it was a girl she was with. Was he mad? Did he leave her? na that would have been conventional.

Well to cut long story short, he formed anger, told her it had to be he was doing something wrong, wasnt paying her enough attention, he coudnt have her cheating on him, they had to sort it out. How? Agbaya took her to his and forked her one million ways till sunday!

HA! my kind of guy. (my bad I know its mfs guy but ehn...I speak my mind) I just noticed sey all weekend mf no call or show, na so sunday afternoon she call me with her voice like sey she just got back from Iraqi. whispering like a tif.

mf- "bad...I no know whether to call u oloshi or to say thank you, this guy wan kill me o! I tell am sey I tire, in tell me sey i never see anything, just dey do me anyhow since friday night." (binsh like she wasnt enjoying herself)

me- AHH! u no close shop?

mf- the mo fo went to palms and bought jelly o!

me- kilon je be? (im thinking jell-o here)

mf- ode ky jelly, lubricant!

me- YEEEE! se pe they sell that tin in naija? how much?

mf- e no go better for u, na wetin u suppose say be that?

me- ha! sorry o! okay call eno to join now, i don talk better now?

mf- binsh. gotta go, he's coming.

me- Already? lol she hangs up.

So I kinda kobalised her and well she got it good atleast the guy was decent enuff to be understanding. So bloggers three cheers for Mr mf!

Speaking of the Mr's well you know how they say you go looking fo something in Sokoto when it is right there in your Sokoto? will keep u posted on that!

So Last week Friday was bunz it was "it takes 2" a new reality show coming up soon. with similarities to dancing with the stars this show has got to be one of the best things to hit the airwaves since forever. 10 celebrities, 10 pro dancers. roll call
Tara Fela Durotoye (house of tara)
Mr Nigeria (Brian sometin)
Former miss Nigeria Omowunmi Akin...
Sound Sultan
Kunle Afolayan (u know him from Irapada)
Zizi Cardow
Nomoreloss
Funlola Aofiyebi
Omotola Jalade and last but not the least
PASUMA WONDER

it was the bomb, live studio audience and yadi yadi ya. I think ill blog on it later (maybe) as in the only person wey dey trip me pass na Paso, you should have seen him in a tux dancing the Rumba. sheet thats one fuji guy with alot of class.

Anyways with me making myself happy and all the 'guy' from my previous post I saw that day. well its like this, I happen to be related to one of the celebrities aforementioned (not paso) and he was just there chilling in his Planet one hotel room, I go down there cuz Im bored as hell anyways, might as well be early for the show. Ironically 'He' called, lets call him Dele now.

Anyways, I tell him Im at planet one, drop by after work if u can, would be cool to see. so he shows up after work, looking sexy as hell, I go down to the lobby to pick him up, so back to the so so sexy planet 1 hotel room. somehow somehow everyone left the room for the show and we was here alone, I dont think Ive ever been that hot in the cold. with ac from different angles I was heating, see correct setting, sound proof everything, sexy bed, bath, living room, how the fork do you want it? I cant deny me I had eeveel intentions towards the guy o!
I had had like 10 serious premonitions as to how we had collided, discarded and combined but all na dream o! trust me and my big mouth, I told him o! you know I want you and yadi yadi ya! I even gawked that day sef, I should have spiced his drink lol.

Anyways, we had a couple of conversations, you know the weather, art, African magic, Benson and Hedges, he couldnt stay I walked him to his car, kissed him on his cheek, told him " I love you" and walked back in. End of story. when cloth does not fit, move on and look for your size. lol

By the way Dele, since u now have my blog add anyways, feel free to drop a comment.

Ehen what else? me I dont know but for those who want Eno's no *wink wink* holla at ya girl.

Yawa for my friend.

2007-09-18T13:07:00.000-07:00

My friend (mf for short) is in serious trouble, it has to do with a girl. aaahhhhh!

mf has turned James Bond, avoiding the girl like yahoo yahoo boys avoid dem EFCC, mf has to turn off all phones; celtel o! mtn, glo, mts, starcomms (haba how many fone for one person?) even the land line in mf's house has been computerised to say "mf is not aound please dont try later".

Apparantly (dem say dem say na so mf take tell me) it was a cold wednesday evening mf was in a room with Eno, nice teets, sexy, horny as hell. somehow somehow mf gets her naked and they start to do the preliminary to d main d main thing.
I asked mf why not d main d main?
mf says "because i am not a painter"
So the story goes ( i still dont believe it is the full story, something must have been left out) they were there just talking o! harmless talk only that it turned to something else, you fit do, you no fit do turn to kizzing, turn to strippin. Mf is good, knows what to say and how to say it, mf takes off Eno's bra and sucks on her buttons, tugs a bit, licks and laps...bites then licks again just the way girls like it. Eno grabs mf's head and starts to kiss like she left somthing in mf's throat (mfs words not mine) mf pulls her head back and spanks her, tells her to show some respect, Eno likes it, Eno is panting asking to be touched, Mf bliges...spanks...rubs...kisses...tugs...kisses...talks dirty...spanks...kisses...Eno comes....
I asked mf "didnt YOU come?"
mf answers "I came ages before her"

Mf is now in serious trouble o! avoiding Eno like a plague, why? Eno wants more! Eno has proffessed love, warned mf not to hurt her, cheat on her, Eno calls mf at odd hours to say "im horny", i need to be ... CENSORED!

mf is in a serious relationship, is getting married pretty soon, mf didnt even have sex with Eno, all they did was the preliminaries. ( i believe that one I've listened in on one of mfs conversations" mf wants to know what to do...enter me confidant.

me I dont know o! this na new territory for me, how mf? how could you cheat on your partner? how could you do whatever it is you did with Eno? me I dont know what you are going to do o! if I say continue avoiding the girl d question "for how long?" comes up. tell her? according to you she's a warrior.
hmmmm I sigh. well mf the best solution I can think of is tell your boyfriend and maybe y'all can have a minaj ( thats me being wicked sorry) as i was saying...STOP BINSH!

did you say boyfriend?

yep I did.

how? is mf gay?

no no mf is not gay or is mf gay? wo me i dont know jare all i know is mf does have a boyfriend, mf loves boyfie, boyfie loves mf aint that the way its supposed to be? i mean mf is gettin married to boyfie and they plan to have kids...(BOYFRIEND MUST NOT FIND OUT!)

Hellooo? why are we going Chuck and Larry here? Elton John and who knows? Bobby and Elvis?
What are you talking about? more like Ellen, Rosie and Nike

DUH! mf is a girl, she did some girl on girl action (see what too much mojo has caused) which in my opinion makes it complicated.

I dont know what she was thinking but now she running from another girl. she keeps asking me "badderchic wetin i go do now? na u bad now."

ye righ' na me do girl? but in the spirit of helping your neighbour out of a jam...

guys...help!

Ubong any ideas? wave? ugo? fineboy? port harcourt?

36? idemmilli? laide? yosh? overwhelmed? omo? princess?

Anyone?

help?

Even More.

2007-09-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

An extra 5.

1. The Guardian a couple of days ago, reported the shooting of yet another civilian guess who done it? a trigger happy cop! Darn! not again. yould think that by now that sheet would have stopped. well guess what? it hasnt. and im wondering when are these mofo's gonna get their priorities right? refferin to my previous post i read some article not quite sure if twas the same but they quoted some rep of the police force disclaiming that they never arrested ladies on the grounds of indescent dressing (ye right) they were actually arrested in relation with criminal activities...riiight! So BBC must have reported crap cuz me knows i read their article well who would i rather believe a (crooked) cop or the BBC (im thinkin...) so i understand him trying to defend himself but then he forks it all up and says well when they (d cops) arrested street urchins noone said anything but once they arrest women we all shout! so Mr cop, my question is how are we supposed to talk when (that is if) you arrest street urchins? is u retarded? thats like saying ill complain that u made the streets safer for me to walk on.

2. On the subject of street urchins popularly known as Agberos they are constantly coming up with somin new. the best part is only in Lagos! upsettingly many of us carry our faces and think wetin concern me? i mean i once saw Agberos harrass a guy for 200 bucks. his crime? he parked his car and refused to pay them 'their' money.
wow na dia papa build road abi? and becos d guy was butter he fell for their tactics and gave them 200 bucks. ah! over my dead body. trust yours truly, i took down the glass and put my mouth. wetin i talk?

(in yoruba, its usually sweeter) "you have collected d money oya now go and use it to build a house or better still buy a car...animal"

let me guess you'll say wetin concern me, why talk to an Agbero? why bother? let me tell u a lil story.

The laundary guy came over as is his usual practice and we realise Water coop has decided to 'take water away' for some reason best known to them, so i ask hyginus d security guy to go get me one of those mallams that sell 25litre kegs of water.
"ask him to offload 10. "
now i understand a keg is 20 bucks which means i give d guy 200bucks abi? till they come to tell me the guy is asking for an additional 100bucks, i go downstairs in my typical omo yoruba, amazon like manner

"if u no take 20 naira" i say "then take your water and go" (ye right, how do u take back water you done pouring?

Hyginus "madam, no min dem na so dem dey do, when dem see big big house dem go wan put money join" "aunty na 20 naira" d laundary guy and driver say.

im hell bent on havin it my way till the mallam speaks...

"walahi na twenty naira we dey kollet bepor bepor but those feful dem dey kollet moni por our hand"

"what people?" i ask, the driver helps me out here. The Agberos! apparently, agberos collect money for just about anything in Lagos. theres money for parking, meruwas, driving, going past one way roads, garbage guys, heck there soon enough will be money for breathing in air. we forget we all are part of the circle of life, when we turn a blind eye what they do to these Meruwas affect u and i. you dont believe me? who paid the extra 100bucks?

3. Lunatics, mad people, mentally unbalanced in other words were's. isnt it funny that Lagos is one place where we walk past these people unperturbed? children even take out time to laugh at these people, ye they are people. inspite of the fact that there are psychatric hospitals at Yaba and Oshodi (i found that out accidentally) they still roam the streets. whats disgusting? Me seeing a stark naked Were obviously just done having a shit, using sand from the walkway as toilet paper!

4. How is it possible that we walk/drive by corpses unperturbed?

5. When do you reckon they'll start treating the Niger-Delta region with more respect? i reckon if they treated these people right, gave them the neccessary attention/amenities there wont be so much violence going on. wanna know whose side to be on? Check out pictures on Corbis.

Only God will save us.

I notice my blog is becomin less mischeivious. dont worry will b back soon just need to tackle these issues first.

Holla at ya girl!

And again.

2007-08-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

5 More things...

1. Everyday on my way to work, im treated to the gruesome sight of a man with cancer of the testicles ( i assume that is what it is) another with burns on his leg ( i have actually seen him pour engine oil on it maybe to ease the pain or for better effect) another with a swollen face, i have learnt to avert my eyes anytime i hear the music, yes they actually play music, christmas carols in the middle of the year, there are also uniformed 'collectors' speaking into a megaphone telling you to 'help' some people that have inadvertently messed up your day and that will more than likely make more that you in a day (even after taxes) dont get me wrong it is not like i am not sympathetic to their plight its just that it is wrong to have to subject people to this especially kids. many a time, ive had to ask my siblings to search for something on the floor, just so they dont have to see it. its even more pathetic the women with twins, limbs intact begging for money. i guess in Naija, everything na business, even begging.

Nobody is doing anything about this.

2. I saw a cop slap an old man. "cmon shut up" pa! pa! the man was old enough to be his father. the other cops looked on, i couldnt stop my cab could i? lets see "ehn baba oni taxi wait. officer, why did you just slap a senior citizen?" i would probably have been arrested for indecent exposure in my jalabia.

Nobody is doing anything about this.

3. Of all the things affecting this country, high crime rate, not finding Bola Ige's, Funsho Williams and that cute 19yr old they killed b4 elections killers the most impotant thing the police have decided to tackle is indecent exposure? Fork the police! what happened to increasing crime rate? what happened to robberies in traffic? what happened to Agberos? what happened to general security? somebody tell that guy whoever he is that Lagos is no Sharia state. I am against indecent exposure, girls going all nasty, but do you think arresting people for their fundamental human right is going to make things right? do it the right way, educate them, go to their schools, teach them they are wrong, have more time for your kids, stop them watching Beyonce, Rihanna, try Corrine Bailey Rae, she better, India Arie. More importantly you pointing the fingers and calling indecently dressed chics whores stop financing their moves, na you be the Aristo. whoever came up with that law, raise your hand and say you have never given a young girl money to sleep with you. Pharisee.

Nobody is doing anything about this

4. SSS short for super sweet sixteen. that has got to be the worst show ever! it is fascinating at first but after that it is messed up! they make us watch children disrespect people all in the name of birthday parties? sulk if they dont get a car? spend money on jewellery like they were p diddy? what the hell happened to teaching a child to be strong? like my friend asked "if this one na 16th birthday wetin she go do for wedding?" fork that! when children are hungry in dafur somebody spent 140k dols on jewellery alone? like my mom would say "se o sise owo si mi lapo?" did you work and put money in my pocket? when you are giving your child the impression that money would sort out any and everything for you truth is no probs destroy your childs life but for the sake of almighty God MTV stop destroying ours. what really is SSS trying to teach/preach?

Nobody is doing anything about this.

5. The way children dress to the movies, YEPA! kilode? is it that they pack their rags in their bags and change in the bathrooms? abi? ko ye mi o! trust my agbaya'isous friends, they would go to the railings and look down, straight into these childrens cleavages. i blame them not! to them, they are young ladies who need helping abi who no like better thing? later now they would tell me Roman Polanski, Rkelly, Mike Tyson carried underaged children how now? is it under aged commodity they are carrying up and down? or if u meet a girl in the club or where agbalagbas are will you ask for identity card? abi when she tells you she is 21 will you go to her house to find out if it is a lie or not? lets not even go into that worped oyibo sense but meen leave it! these children dont look their ages, dont act their ages, if they want to dress adult then they should be ready to play adult games abi? dont blame the men, blame the parents! while your busy making more money to buy plasma screens for your househelps to watch, your innocent children are not so innocent anymore.

Nobody is doing anything about this.

God save us from the wonders of this world o!

On a lighter side? lets try some praise and worship song. if you know it pls sing along."ota to ba fe doublecross me, igbalandogi won" (enemies wanting to doublecross me (not quite sure what igbalandogi means) i guess they would run down?) i got bad news like2 weeks ago, its taking away about a year of my carefully planned life but hey! no shaking, everything happens for a reason abi? nothing do me.

And so ive had you ask me what PHD means, for those who are truly oblivious, i will enlighten you.

P- quite attractive, beautiful.
H- of a large mass, of great weight
D- Tom, _____ and Harry.

Do the math! hallelu...halleluyah!

Exschnerd, kay and all em peoples that wanted to know why i wasnt blogging thanks for caring, the winches were tring to 'cash' me but they can not succeed. speaking of winches, i heard jist o! some chic was on a bus with one of em preachers in it, i hear it went somin like this..."All women that wear trousers are prostitutes, that wear make up prostitutes, that this...prostitutes, that...prostitutes, it is against the will of God" or somin like that apparently he was going a bit overboard. and for everytime he said something 'hilarious' the chic would laugh hysterically sha to cut long story short, as she was getting off the bus after laughing at the 'preacher' she fell flat on her face. now is that the will of God or just winches?

Holla at your girl!

jamb questions.

2007-07-26T01:29:00.001-07:00

When you are in Oshodi act like the Oshodians

1.What time did you get up this morning?5am im still sleepy.
2. Diamonds or pearls?So why cant i just have both?
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?Hairspray!
4. What is your favorite TV show?Truth is I’m always too fagged out to watch Tv but an all time fav. is Cosby show!
5. What did you have for breakfast?I never chop. God know sey I dey hung!.
6. What is your middle name?Tejuola, sweet sey? Just like me!
7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal?As long as I has dodo in it…I’m game!
8. What foods do you dislike?Oats. Yuck, Alpen and all those shitty foods. Eugh!
9. Your favorite Potato chip? Dodo chips.
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?Try and ask me fav song and ill tell you all of a'go put the record on' Bailey Rae
11. What kind of car do you drive? I no get moro o!
12. Favorite sandwich?Boli and epa…does sandwich have to have bread?
13. What characteristics do you despise?Snobbishness, self centeredness, greed, Selfishness ati be be lo.
14. Favorite item of clothing? Easy, My birthday suit…comfort rules baby!
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?Barbados, Egypt, Tunisia and Kenya
16. What color is your bathroom?How I wan take know? Sorry just yanking your chain, white!17. Favorite brand of clothing?as long as it looks good I no wan know
18. Where would you want to retire?I will cross that bridge when i get there, I just started my life, I never see middle you wan make I dey talk end?
19. Favorite time of day?Night…sleep time!
20. Where were you born?This Lagos where we dey so, stylee stylee, stylee!
21. Favorite sport(s) to watch?They haven’t invented it yet, it should probably be the one that involves lawmakers beating themselves up. Lol ill watch a movie instead
22. Who do you least expect to respond to this?My unborn child. (grin grin)
23. Person you expect to respond first? Exschoolnerd…my personal person
24. What laundry scent do you use?Omo super clean omo washes even bright and lets it show, OMO! Lol will settle for lavender.
25. Coke or Pepsi?pepsi more value for your money especially if it is orobo pepsi.
26. Are you a morning person or night owl?Night owl baby.
27. What size shoe do you wear?7.
28. Do you have pets?Will my nieces do?
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone?Yes! My name is tejuola!
30. What did you want to be when you were little?I wanted to be like Micheal Jackson, my mama beat me ehn!
31. Favorite Candy Bar?Tobleron (I know its chocolate but its all I got, my precious)
32. What is your best childhood memory?Boxing day lunches and the water bed we had.
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life?plenty jo.
34. What color/type underwear are you wearing? black female boxer that says “I like boys pants”
35.Nicknames:Pscyco
36. Piercings?Asides from the normal ones? Nah! I react to them
37. Eye color?Brown
38a) Ever been to Africa?DOH!
38b) Ever been to South Australia?for where?
39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling?look I don’t know why we cant all be natural, water does it better
40. Love someone so much it made you cry? Once.
41. Been in a car accident?No, I pray for continuity there.
42. Croutons or bacon bits?Dodo
43.Favorite day of the week?Saturday, I get to just chiiil.
44. Favorite restaurant?That would be Iya kemi’s buffet service
45. Favorite flower?Sun flowers
46. Favorite ice cream?Chocolate chip and biscuito.
47. How many times did you fail your driver's test?Me? How can I fail a test I gave myself?
48. What color is your bedroom carpet?Blue.
49. How many times did you fail your driver's test?is it me? Am I seeing things? Look I don’t come twice in a row
50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email?The computer guy
51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card?Swatch, Sony ericcsson store or feet.
52. What do you do most often when you are bored?Sleep? Read a book, look for trouble.
53. Bedtime? Atleast midnight or else ill be mad in the morning
54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire?Anna Nicole Smith, that is if she would have understood the questions
55. Last person you went to dinner with?My friend, we had so much to catch up on
56. What are you listening to right now?UB40 cant help falling in love
57. What is your favorite color?BLUE!
58. Lake, Ocean or river?same ni.
59. How many tattoos do you have?None Yet.
60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?how am I supposed to know? As I wasn’t there u want me to bear false witness abi?

Today.

2007-07-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

5 things that i saw today.

1. I saw a ghost! well not exactly but she did look like a ghost, she had a bit too much foundation on, her eye pencil looked like road markings on its way to kafancha, her lipstick looked like blood! she looked like a vampire, yes! i think that would be it a vampire or maybe a cross between a vampire and a ghost. beeetch was oooguli!

2. The woman that decided the best place to wash her baby's poop was beside the road, where people were standing, she took her baby and washed his yansh there...y'all know how baby poop smell....(sob, sob)

3. The girl right beside me on the bus that ate corn after corn and ube after ube like she was in the village trust me with ALL the sound effects, the spittle comin out the side of her mouth and the corn darting out everytime her phone rang plus the fact that she decided to commentate on the drivers every move!

4. The forker that decided to take a shit in a garden at the side of the road.

5. The AGBAYA men that brought out their GBola's (notice i didnt say baba dudu, baba dudu is a good thing) and were taking a bath at the side of the road! their things were almost reaching their thighs.

O save us lord from the wonders of this Lagos. did i hear an amen?

All these things to my fragile heart in just one day?

I am Broke! officially! Notice i didnt take a cab home, i entered (not took o!) entered bus. right now im wishing 36 would come and pay my own school fees too, you know the school now, school of hard knocks?

as in i am so waiting for a miracle.

I need a PHD.

You say "oloshi, wetin you wan you use am do? "

I say " no not a Phd a PHD" and you go...

"ooooooh! mo ti jasi" ( i understand)

I dont believe you guys thought i was saying i wanted to go back to school, i manage to finish one you want me to use my two left legs to go back almost immediately? you have crase.

Look hia, extreme academic qualification is not for us all. yes beni, BUT a certain Qualification is....

I do need a PHD. you see, i need some 'head' trauma, i need to learn like my ancestors learnt from the 'missionaries', i need to learn how things from 'the back' affect 'the front', wont be a bad idea to learn the mechanics behind not a pair of scissors but 'scissors' or perhaps study the histories of the world and find out who exactly discovered the 'wheelbarrow', i would love to study the intricateness of a 'butterfly', perhaps find out why the chinese use 'chopsticks' and why they are so into teas, who exactly invented the packaging of tea in bags, who is the father of 'teabagging'? Why do people sit down to eat, why dont they 'do it standing'? who is the foremost 'cunning linguist' why wasnt there ever a bond girl named 'fay Latio'? Who invented the 'saddle' why do people like to 'ride' so much, horses, bicycles, powerbikes you name it? 'speed what is it with speed sef? why do some people like to go 'slow' and others 'fast' why do people thrive on adrenaline? what is a 'mean naj de trois' and why is it so popular? Yes, you see we need to learn more about these things so we can really be "ontop" at all times so there can be that feeling of conentment when one gets to "achieve" victory? that is not forgeting research is good for future generations so they will be able to benefit from us, i mean there will be no 'future generations' if we dont research on 'these' matters.

hallelu...halleluyah! beni.

I dislike when a woman that tells me she doesnt need a PHD, no one says right now but definitely before u die woman you need to be 'educated' for your very own piss of mind, so you can 'come' to be at peace with your inner self.

(did u just call me bitch?)

If u are acting modest, pretending like you dont know what brand of 'education' i am talking about well like one of my adopted brothers would say, i say this. "raise your hand o ye that have never tasted baba dudu and that do not wish to taste the wonders of baba dudu, raise your hands falsely and Amadioha would strike you" he says it not me.

As i was saying jere, a PHD is a neccessary requirement for every woman, no matter what you leave with Honours, first class, second class... as long as 'it' can hold the motion in the ocean' are u understanding me? i mean we all cant all have the titanic even though the titanic is known to 'sink easily' thanks to the 'standing icebergs' and the 'wetness' from plenty oceans of water!

Well some people can settle for speedboats, yatchs or canoes depending on your preference of 'broadbands'.

I hope you are understanding me.

So i say where are the PHD's sorry i mean twould be nice to further my 'education' wont it.

Did i just hear you call me Bitch?

holla at ya gal!

Sunday blues?

2007-07-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have always been a mischievous person, always looking for a laugh

I have always been principled, always having my beliefs and sticking to them

I have always been sometimes easily angered, I really do hate bullshit

I have always said it as it is.

I have always been me, but i seem to be changing.

Its weekend, starcomms free calls. Once upon a time, you could never get thru to me, it was always busy, there was always so many people to talk to then…my phone is free, I wonder what happened to them all.

I didnt go to church today (no I wasn’t trying to avoid E-diot) far from it, it was Harry that caused it o! Harry kept me up till five o clock this mornin and by Nine he had me up again, it was so intense you have no idea! By then I couldn’t make it to the 8am service at church GOD FORGIVE ME O! na Harry Potter and the deathly hallows cause am.

Ive been so moody all day, I am not talking to anyone, they have been trying to get to me but I have this blank expression on my face but my mind is really telling everyone trying to disturb me to sod off! I really felt like letting go today but no! I keep it strong.

But for how long?

Am I an ungrateful child?

Shouldn’t I be thanking God for all the things he does for me on the reg? Why do I let other things get to me?

My playmates are gone away for summer, my babies. They are the only ones I feel really need me at least they show it, they come looking for me in the middle of the night wake me up and say “aunty, can I stay in your room?” I have never said no. Taiwo and Kehinde are gone for the summer, who will I tell to stop crying? Who will I carry on my back? Who would sleep on my chest and say “now im comfutable” who will say “cawwy me o!” who will I feed? Who will I bathe? Who will I say “you are my only twins in the whole wide world” to. I didn’t even bother to come out and say bye when they were leaving for the airport, I couldt, I don’t think we’ve been apart for as long as we are going to be now since they were born five years ago. They didn’t even kiss me bye, their moms told them “Hurry, hurry, we are late!”

I still don’t want to talk to anyone.

For some funny reason, no links I promise, some girl that used to be in my class in sch comes to my mind. She was bounced in yr 3, exam malpractice. One day for the tif was her case. She don dey do am tey.

I saw her walking on the road two week ago, she looks washed out, she used to be an Aristo girl, I heard she has a kid now, im not even goin to wonda wu for, wetin consain me?

Sha sha i cant remember her name, not just because i suck with names and faces but because we gave her a name...'you are too flatter"

Why?

I'll tell you but before i do remember I SHIT YOU NOT! Banji reckons i have fiction on my blog, nope its all fact! nothin made up.

Like i said i shit you not, this really happened.

Back in yr one my friend Red and i were really mischeivious people, we would go around looking for trouble. Red would hug girls and hold them from the back and i would bring out my camcorder and get the girls expressions, they were usually real excited, enjoying the 'assault' (i wonder why) I would look for girls with open cleavages or buttcracks or both and ask "are you browsing" my friend would say "ahh! im online" we were just very playful ( a bit too playful i think) sha we were so awful lecturers started seperating us in classes and exams. Dr M in his oyinbo accent "No, NO you cant sit there, no not near your friend, please move over"

Sha before i continue long story remember, i shit you not, one day like this while waiting for a class to start, She shows up, i still cant remember her name she was looking RED! like some femme fatale or som'in. she had a red top, belt, beg, shoes, hair ruffle,earrings, bangles, beads, nails, rings, lipstick everything in shocking red! im sure in her left mind she looked good. Who lied to you? girl you no get mirror for house? trust my friend and i we started with this girl o! Psyching the oloshi, she too gellin

It goes a lil somin like this:

Red: (i remember now her name was queen) Queen Queen, baby ah! you are too much see how u fine today, baby ah! if to say i get money now now, i will marry you, you are just ha! where have you been all my life, come and meet my mother...

Me: Babe, true no be small thing you fine today o! if i be man, me sef go marry o!

it goes on like that, think of all the Psyches possible.

and then she had to do it...with her correct ibo accent, she wasnt faking, she was for real...

Queen: Nna you gais, you are too flatter, you are too flatter, you are too flatter

I SHIT YOU NOT!

Red and i ran bonkers, we ran for our dear lives laughing checking to see if either of us had hallucinated. nope, she had said it.

Needless to say by 4pm that day everybody in school knew the jist. i heard they were trying to beat me that time but nothin dey happen, i am covered by the blood of Jesus.

that was a while ago tho, heavy Aristo runs has left queen washed out. i hope she's okay...i dont really give 2 but all the same.

I wonder why people Fork for money, but what do i know?

I still dont want to talk to anyone.

I really would love...

2007-07-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

(Eddie Murphy in coming to America)
"To be loved, to be loved is a wonderful feeling"

(all those stupid romantic movies)
"look, i dont care what you say, all i know is...i love you"

(all those yamayama home vidoes)
"sir, i know you think im just an ordinary mechanic, but sa... i love your daughter"

(their yoruba counterparts)
"Ma se gba gbe majemuu re, mo ni ife re" (dont forget your promise to love me, I love you)

(all those confused peoples)
" i...i...i love you!"

yadi yadi ya!

Me? i think love used to select people! beni o! true to God i no go lie, love used to select those people it used to follow because me, in my close to thirty in d next couple of years i have never loved and been loved (except you choose to count all those times that i lied and said "i love you, i love you" when baba dudu was drilling a pleasurable hole in me, trust me, i meant to say "i love it, i love it" my bad!

I think i fell in love once, well if u want to call it that, being that i dont exactly know what it is so i ask does praying for that person more that u pray for yourself mean u love that person? if u know abeg holla me jere!

anyway, this guy, i choose to call him GQ, G for short, we met under funny circumstances. so this is me coding myself ase the guy know me well no b small. so we started to talk, my heart started to be beating fast, everytime i hear his ringtone i will be shining teeth like mugun, all was well all was good especially that weekend ah! i remember that weekend, he cooked (i didnt eat, i wasnt scareding for poison, too much butterflies no gree space for food, he treated me like a princess ah! ko ni da fun omo ibo (it cannot be better for omo ibo) they can know how to do woman, if possible gaan he would have carried me on his head, sha sha thats how it was time to don don (quite accidentally of course, i really didnt plan it, all i had planned was to spend the night with this guy i really fancied, able bodied naija boy, ibo boy not castrated, not gay im sure i just wanted to share the gospel, discuss politics, spend quality time with him...OLOSHI girl!

sha sha it was da bomb, ha! omo ibo lo bii stallion meen (he was something short of a stallion), me sef no spoil (jazzman's won ti da mi mo lo sen pariwo- they recognise a worthy person thats why the hail!) i remember it going somin like this-
Omo ibo and i were doin i dont know 2? 3? when my head started to hit the wall

i shit you not! it really happened!

G- "babe...babe" (emi naa mo pe mo sexy-i know im sexy)
mi- (im sayin this in yoruba for real) "ori min kanrin" my people you know that could mean two things 1. my head is singing
2. my head is hitting the iron bar/post

in this case, it was not this or that o! it was both! my head must have been singing kaysha's juska song (and this was b4 we knew kaysha o!, i mean e don tey small)

for every time i said "ori min kanrin" omo ibo went harder

in my mind...OLOSHI O fe pa mi ni? (mad man do you want to kill me?) why isnt this guy stopping, you are killing me, its sweeting me but it really feels like my head is about to be an oil rig!, no oil nigga blood! stop now!

my voice? "aaah! ori mi, on dun mi- (my head...it is paining me) i keep saying this bt no response from omoo ibo and then it hits me...Omo ibo doesnt speak yoruba, he doesnt even understand yoruba( unless u want to count d on dun mi (its paining me) he learnt from me) ...oniranu, you are just bilingual for nothing.

"G...G, my head, my head" he stopped, turned compass east and continued.

when i think of this guy, i cringe on the inside, he's an example of one of my mistakes, why why why did i allow G get to me? why exactly did i like him?

well... 1. he was really nice in the beginnin (well they all are)
2. he was good lookin (im a sucka for fine boys)
3. he had a real cool job (oil and gas good enuff?)
4. he was about 3 yrs older (i actually like them older but he acted mature)
5. he made me feel like a princess (really, aint that what all we girls want?)

eventually, i hurt more than ever when he started to show himself, it pain me die...me? me that one small thing i have jabod d guy, as in you know now, well it is all iya yewande's fault.

iya yewande is my mothers younger sister, we call her shine shine bobo, she likes to drink star, im not close to her since i didnt grow up with mums

sha sha she called me one day like this we were at a burial, only time i get to see some folks
SS- "i want to talk to you"
mi- ma
SS- "where is your husband?"
mi- im laughin " i dont have ma"
SS- "you dont have ke? okay where is your boyfriend?"
mi-" i dont have ma"
SS-" why? kilode? is there a problem? abi we should go and check it out? should i take you to my pastor? should we weri e lodo (should we go and wash your head at the river?)
at this point in time im laughing like it is funny, she goes delirious and switches from yoruba to the ijebu dialect of yoruba. mo gbe ooo!
SS- im telling u something serious u are laughing, am i a clown? yemisi (callin my other aunts) korede, come and talk to your child, do u think u are a child? at your age your mother had given birth to temi (my eldest bro) you dont have boyfriend, you dont have husband, you are just getting fatter, nobody will marry you like that o! im telling you you are laughing, i will use my left hand and slap u, i have told your mother she should not say becos u r still in sch(was still in sch den) if u bring husband she should allow u, we are here for u (ye rite, like u showed up wen my bro was enterin marriage prison) im still laughin she's gettin more irritated, i used style to walk away...sod off im thinking! im still young, ill wait.

i lie!

moms has been askin me for my boyfriend since my friend Yewy got married, she was 19 i was 20, ewy now has two sons. moms wants to know, everytime i go to her crib who im dating, have i found man yet, i once told her once they started selling husband in the market, i will buy two and put one in storage incase the first one forks up, she stopped for a while but now shes back, she tells me bring him, bring him...okay i will go and bring hired man like in wedding date, anybody interested?

what our parents dont know is that in pushing us ( urging us in their minds) they are forcin us to do what we wouldnt normally do nope im not blaming anyone for my mistakes but...they added.

Im not saying i let mama yewande get to me nope, in my opinion all she can see is bright lights and she's not even friends with udeme.

but really lets be serious, is there something wrong with me? dont mean to be conceited but emi gaan sezy (im sexy) im good (the classic lady in the street and freak in the bed?) i have a good heart (so they say) and all those qualities a good chic shold have but noooo! it is all those yamayama girls that get all the good guys "why are all the good guys taken all the time?" all those selfish, jazz using, disgusting,self centered, bleach skinned, fake, diabolic chics. in my opinion sha all those guys that marry such chics are suffering from curse they have probably done somtin bad to someone b4!

back to the matter at hand

i refuse to think i am unlucky nope, i subscribe to the patient dog gets the fattest bone! (let me keep on psychin myself abeg!)

so im here saying i never loved, never been loved, ive lusted and been lusted after but does that count? i dont have husband, boyfriend i have toasters but none i like...

"maybe love doesnt really exist cuz i deserve much more than this"

or maybe mine is rite about the corner.

Nigerians are not happy!

2007-07-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

The man in the bus next to us his morning was sleeping. good thing he was in a staff bus if not i would have been tempted to put one benson or st moritz in his mouth... what am I even saying sef? i would have put one jumbo igbo in his mouth...my bad! i could have stuffed a whole ghana bread in his mouth! omo meen bobo yen lanu le meen, wide open! his mouth was big! Im thinking of singing a song for him but he cant hear me, i sing it in my mind anyways

bobo denu le geisha n bo o eya mu ra, e ya mu ra...if u know it, sing along.
my nephew and neices are having a field day laughing at the man who has his head stuck to the window, him mouth wide open "aunty, im sure hes snoring" my nephew said.
they were laughing! rolling in their seats.

stupid children, what do they know?
i laughed, stupid me what do i now?
the driver sighed, he was sympathetic, he understands.

for the past as far back as can remember, the driver has resumed in my house 5.55am, except on holidays the kids need to go to school. im sure that means hes up by 4.30 his kids are probably still asleep by then, he closes by 6, he should get home 7.30. his kids are probably on their way to bed by then.

how do they get to know their father?

Naija could be a real fucked up country.

the girl in the other department in my office leaves home quater to 6, im still battling with the remnants of sleep by then.

the other girl leaves 5.30, she lives in ejigbo...office is in ikoyi. what kind of life do we live?

since i started this job, ive found myself to be grumpier (i cant do this forever but this one that i dont know when service is am i supposed to sit at home, yes im stil into my entertainment but i have to do tie job small abi? learning is a continuous process)

i saw three fags yesterday, on my way home from work, i was walking to get a cab when i saw them, how did i know they were fags? well the one in dreds was giggling... what kind of man giggles?

the other one was covering his face like " no you di'nt"

the last one had his hands on his hips looked at me and said "helooooooooooo" pouted and batted his eyelids.

i moved on like madam koikoi, minding my own business. i heard him/her say "look at her" he was slurring as he said that "see how her hair his flying, just see her jacket all over the place" like those guys in queer eye for a straight guy.

i walked on still like madam koikoi.

ashiere kuku ni yin, mo ri tiyin ro like exschnerd would say...cunts!

i took the cab, gave the incident some more thought... faggots? if they had just minded their own business with me i for try understand sey no be their fault na baba dudu sweet but as that one come insult me and my one nation blazer...

oloshi, ashiere, vegetable prick! of all the puzzies in this world, espeially in this lagos, it is another man that u see to be helping your condition ko ni daaa fun yin. meanawhile, i can bet they are not the givers they are the recievers. they will now never be able to control their urge to shit. oloriburuku ni yin se. they will not drink from the coast milk people with or withoout nafdac no, not the oranges, pawpaws or watermelons they want carrots and cucumbers! they want sprouts of ogi at the end when they can have correct flowing kunu. may they not see correct prak for a long time...assholes!...that is if it aint potholes by now.

sha im minding my own business like madam koikoi when traffic starts, heavy traffic oooo! why didnt i wait for oga? he would have taken me home being that we live in the same house. plus at closing hours he is my father again, not oga anymore. ooooo gosh!

traffic is moving ope o! "baba oni taxi move now!" "oko ashawo o de lo"
EGBA MI O! cab man ti sun, he is sleepin on the steering...he must be tired!

"mo ti weak!" he says. he brings out some foul smelling ointment and sniffs it hoping to stay awake...he sleeps some more, he bought cake to munch on, he slept some more!

a petrol tanker is in front of us...cab man doesnt brake..."baba!" he brakes suddenly

i start to say my rosary, i engage him in conversation. Nigeria, bad road, no light, no water, traffic, plantain have cost, fuel is coster, no food, university is slow, they have tif all our money... LORD PLEASE GET ME HOME SAFE!

baba is still sleeping. solution? GET THE FOrK OFF GIRL! eba is sweet, pounded yam and amala sweeter, yamarita in tfc awesome, you havent had a child yet, not even the boyfriend you always wanted, you are nearing 30, you havent gone to see the sacred feminine yet, you havent been to egypt yet, you havent had that multiple orgasm you always wanted yet, you have never bungee jumped, you dont have your powerbike yet, were bo le! bo le! i listened, i got off!

OKADA! roughride me to my junction please, ill walk home. but dont ride too hard, i don want to be riding you and definitly not hard...its been a long day. thank God i took the okada, traffic was horrible. 9.30 i got home, had a bath, ironed, oga sorry popc came back wanted food...in my mind Mr oga cant you see im tired? we were in the office all day together sebi you came to my department and saw me working?

"yes sa" i made him food, packed my bag,finally went to bed at midnight, i was up 5.30...got to the office 2hrs later... i need to sleep!

Nigerians are not happy.

Finally!

2007-07-05T14:07:00.000-07:00

Permit me if i dont write much tonight, i am tired! i have spent the past God knows how long trying to be a "blog citizen" but my computer has winch! everytime i almost reach the promised land it will tell me url failure, you can go no further! The day i finally got in, i was happy, looking forward to returning but only God knows what happened i couldnt get in afterwards, i felt the way a guy would feel when he cant get to 'shag' a chic he had already shagged b4.

i was pissed, when i was already feeling happy it felt like an incomplete orgasm, just when i was almost there it disappears... anyways tonight i dont write much, but i show gratitude to "blogsville" for accepting me as its citizen.