Matrix pt 1

I opened my eyes slowly, didnt want the dream to end, didnt want the sun dodging my curtains and finding its way into my room, not at all.

I had been dreaming, me thinks it was a nightmare. I had been tossing and turning writhing and moaning in Lust, yes the dream had you in it...yes you.

In my dream, you had called to ask if you could pick me up, against better judgement i said yes, against better judgement I felt a million butterflies in my tummy when you walked into the room, I had been on the phone, needless to say I started to stutter dayyum murrafucker you had looked good, in your outfit, you looked good enough to eat, and eat you I was going to.

I looked up like I didn't care, truth is my heart had been racing jumping, doing tic tac toe and suwe, I had gotten up on wobbly knees, formed badt guys and walked out. your fada!

I heard my phone ring in real life but I no gree, this dream was too sweet, you were going to fuck me soon, fuck me the way only you knew how to, fuck me very very hard and very very well. I knew that was true again I had been very very bad, you were definitely going to punish me.

In the dream we stood outside while we waited for credit, you look down from up there and ask me, 'Have you seen me today?' I know thats your way of saying, I missed you, hug me woman!

I held on to you, tried not to elongate it but i felt you, that hardness I crave so much.

next thing I knew, very characteristic of dreams, we were alone,
laughed hard, smoking siga, sippin on bubbly then I grab you and kiss you hard, hard...so so hard

did I mention I had missed you so so so so much?

I had to hold on as you held me against the wall and grabbed on my nipples, you Are mean!

you take off my shirt and pull down my panties, sticking your finger in just right and feeling those juices you know you love, dont even try to deny it.

soon they coated your tongue, not one drop going to waste, you know you love it, that juicy poosy, if I could, I would eat me up!

Fuck me!

Fuck me pleeease

you proceed to fucking me

very hard

very very hard

cock me baby

I have missed your mouth you kiss me hard
I missed your tongue you eat me harder
that your trouble causing d*** you fork me hardest

Mission Accomplished you say as you get off 'hmm Mission accomplished?'

it feels as though you were truly on a mission.

to make me want you more and more

I crave you

No not the sex

You

that laugh, the way you speak, very very razz

you who was there with me before the panel

you who I love to Hate cos it only means heated sex

I want you telling me to 'ride it'

eeediot now you are breaking the rules of engagement

why woman wa'ala plenty like this nau?

I am not afraid

I am more afraid

Man

your own no good o!

then I start to worry, fret, panic

then I try to erase all evidence

evidence showing I have stolen meat from the pot

Soup we no be me cook

Your Mother must not catch me

My Own sef must not catch me

I was worrying

worrying o!

*pimpimpimpeempeempimpimpim*

I am jolted awake by my alarm

I am startled

where am I?

In my bed
safety beside me


I had been dreaming! it was just a dream! phew!


... Im off to church for confession.

Almost a year?

Does Blogsville still exist?

are the people the same?

the reasons I fell in love with blogsville in the first place, are they still here?

I don't believe I haven't been here in a looong while, I dont believe Im putting this post up now.

for what its worth I miss y'all.

I hope yall miss me too.

will this post be recognised? will someone realise I updated?

where is naapaali I wonder. Afro Et al

na wa o.

The only constant thing in life is change... true talk!

Almost a year?

Gannemit mehn!

FOOL!

This is NOT a comeback post... now is it?

This is me venting at the ONLY place I know I can...Blogsville.

I was the fool

now Im paying for it.

the plain is unbearable
the silence is deafening
the tears are blinding
the emotions are windy

do I deserve this 'shit'?

yes I do

this is what you get for playing inside potopoto and plenty dirty water.

Am I brave? Yes I am but I for like make person 'cawwy' me O!

Kai! Gaskia no be small tin o!

Fool
Foolisher
Foolishest

where is Naapali when u need him?

This is not a comeback post...or is it?

An Ode.

Exschnerd introduced me to blogsville.

I loved it.

Everyday after work, I would rush home just coz I wanted to blog, I would turn down dates cuz I wanted to come check up on CWB or Porter what de hell had Ubong written this time? and the Cunning Linguist? Naapali, Geisha?

Even at work I would sneak to blogsville, getting my fix, hiding so as not to get caught by my supervisor.

All that has changed.

I still love you blogsville, but I reckon its time to move on.

I realise that not everyone is as honest as they seem, I mean "why tell complete strangers everything right?" I realise that this is a portal for some to bare it all, I realise that this virtual family have been more family than some with whom we share blood.

together We been through the Tsunamis and the floods, the births and the deaths, the break ups and the marriages, the catfights and the all. friends I have made here, I will never trade. I thank you.

Thank you for loving me just the way i am.
for allowing me be myself through and through
for allowing me live out my fantasies
for allowing me be Bad.

Thank you for listening
for all the advice
for the tears
for the laughs

thank you for not giving me the fire in the pants award
for awarding it to that horrible Baroque.

thank you for always being there
for helping allay my fears.

Me thinks its time to move on.

I will miss you.

and Yes I DO LOVE YOU.

Adios.

Im not that sorry.

I woke up breathless

I hurt yet I wanted more

I couldnt, didnt believe what I had done, remorse? shame?

I screamed and shook and convulsed,I fumed.

hi6 you?

sadly neither.

hi6... I realise now that I DID love you, in my infinite stupidity You ... are a much better man

if I had to choose, I would choose YOU, sadly....

hi6, you make me laugh so hard all I want to do is twitter. you make me hurt so bad all I want to do is beat ya.

You are rude! yet I realise that is your way of being nice, you made me laugh (and Im still trying hard not to say thank you), I hadn't laughed that hard in so long, it was so unstrained... sadly.

ying or yang

lesser of two evils neither.

pure yet bad wrong yet sweet

the best thing I realise is to flee.

I WILL MISS YOU.

Its almost Goodbye Blogsville it has been a pleasure you deserve one more post, Ill call it the Ode.

This blogging thing sef.

The problem is that there is plenty problem.

I will not sit in my swivel chair and act like I couldnt have been blogging in the past month atleast because I could have but I havent gotten round to it.

Me the no 1 runaway soldier as in literally. even now I am supposed to be in some effed up region of this great nation, hoping snakes dont come a'visiting, wanting to get on the road and get the fuck over with already as in seriously get the 'fuck' over with as in we have been dragging this rubbish for too long, I could be staring into space living on golden morn and Kelloggs cornflakes, hoping I dont have to get on the road for an hour and half just to use a fucking ATM but nope, I am sitting here, in my lavacious house, in my swivel chair, in my very cold, nipple hardening room tapping away at my keyboard.

Very simple, I got on the effing plane and came home, no questions. worse still I got on an effing plane and got the Eff out of Naija for a a lil bit, I couldnt stay away for as long as I wanted, damn I couldnt even put pictures up on FB but I sha trafel, cold catch me well well, I came back home and went straight to an Amala joint. nope Afro I wasnt in England lol.

Inbtw there has been two friends weddings, Im planning a bridal shower, getting ready for another friends wedding, working on a MAJOR project and making up and breaking up with one same man. wahala plenty

and Baroque dares accuse me of having fireless pants? dude my panties are like volcanoes always spewing forth man melting lava.

Make una no vex say I no too blog o! Its bad enough that I have to go back to that shithole sooner or later.

Ye I missed you.

Putting the cart b4 the horse.

I like Man O!

lol not just the way you thinking, I'm thinking as friends, they do make a whole lot of sense, My closest friends are men... stop calling me a man wrapper jo!

Just sitting here reminiscing University days, the worst times ever, those times I was hot and cold at the same forking time, na woman cause am. accusing me of doing somin I never would have done, somin none of my male friends could ever think of let alone say I did.

emi BAD?

It was either yr 3 or 4, I wasn't much of a party goer in school nope, I just wasnt bothered with all the fake hype ye? was friends with this girl and ended up being friendly with her roomates et al.

Rm had tried to hook me up with her Beau's friend, the guy was single I dont think I was at the time but I wasnt serious or somin I no too remember. I had been talking to the guy and replying his text messages but all that stopped after I saw him once as in YUCK! to be fair to the brother he wasnt ugly, he was just not my type, not interesting, didnt set my blood to boil (and you know how much I crave excitement) anyways moving on.

say 1 or 2 months after that the call came

I remember that particular day

not from the guy but from RM

She wanted to know why the fork I had gone to spend the night at her boy friend's house on Christmas day.

she told me how I had called him to tell him I was in the area and if it was okay to drop by, she said I decided by 10 that my 'cousin' couldnt pick me up and I had to sleep over, how he had decided to sleep on the floor but I had offered the bed and how in the middle of the night I had asked him to fork me...and he had obliged.

I might suffer from Short memory syndrome but it cant be THAT bad, all that activity? e pass say make I no remember. the accusation was too mad, telling me not to even bother denying had her sisters and cousins yelling at me over the phone "dont you dare deny it you bitch" I weak.

for starters even if it was Ms Hyde that dunnit, I know I have NEVER missed christmas with my family. it is a rule wherever you are in the WORLD you are summoned home for christmas whatever the cost...they dont care!

How I wan take start explain am? aha! I remembered one of the guys living in our block had seen me at church that night, ask him! she did I think, cuz after that no more accusations (God punish Devil)

it was stupid I was embarrassed for us all, females.

I had no idea who her bf was, never met him, spoken to him once WHILE SHE WAS IN THE ROOM kai woman?

I think she later found out the guy was just a fuck and had been lying cuz after that she tried to call and apologise without saying sorry just that they had discovered the truth actually i think my friend did the calling, the guys (our friends) were soooo embarrassed about it, my friend was as well I was disgusted, that I was caught up in that kin bullshit, it is common knowledge, I hate rubbish...that was rubbish.

how the hell can a guy (with a history of being a pathological liar) come up with that kin bull and you dont ask? you accuse. why the hell do females put the cart before the horse?

what I hate most is our ability to want to act like nofins wrong, lets move on, "girl Im loving your hair where you do am..." like bitch yesterday I was forking your man today you like my hair? ko ma da fun e! that is it cannnnnnot better for you.

I can NEVER be friends with you. who knows what it would be tomoro?

I havent seen her since, didnt even bother adding her on fb, she always lived a superficial life, me? Im thinking of how to to keep loving and apprecialting my Male friends, few female trustworthy friends and of course get on the next flight so I do YOU!

o Ye... I missed y'all too.