Post Mortem.

Once a place that felt like home
blogsville, a place i loved like home
though most of us anonymous
it didnt matter we found hearts synonymous
we laughed, we cried, we worried
we cared, we were scared, we bared.

Now like the whole world around us
we have terrorists terrorising us
they force their opinions in our face
not caring about what we have to say
they tell us how to live our lives
at the same time asking us not to tell them how to live theirs
Ironic, Psychotic.

I will not restrict my blog
for i know its therapy for a whole lot of y'all
I will not shut down my blog,
'dont frustrate me' thats whats written on my mug.
I have not made up my mind what to do
i hurt and i ask "how could you?"
for what reasons would you take it away?
you satisfied? you well fed? you soak away?

The warmth we feel slowly turns to cold,
Our emotions now difficult to let show
what use then is my bloggin?
this world i have come to love-in.

To the memory of CWB and Unshined's blogs
now i know why Baba Alaye left us all
My favourite pple in Blogsville
Shut down... Fork this!

Like Lazarus's sister i await your awakening
I will wait, in the oven like i was baking.

12th October.

6am No Not the alarm, not not the alarm!

I felt the kisses on my neck first, they trailed down to my breasts, hmmm this dream sweet o! so sweet, I seem to be letting go of a bit too much nectar, i turn and feel the weight on me, my eyes flutter open and all i can see is your head doing the up and down movement...Aha! i see Taiwo and Kehinde are the ones getting all the attention this mornin. "hmmm" i couldnt help but moan, you look up at me. "mornin babe happy birthday, how you feeling?" I want to tell you i felt like my heart was about to burst, i cant explain that sweet sweet feeling i feel, i cant explain the way my head spins right now, i feel like Cinderella, snow white and al em darn princesses rolled into one. i feel ontop of the world! i cant say that so i say what i do know how to say..." I feel a certain want only you can give"
you smile that mischevious smile of yours and say " you want me dont you?"
LIKE DUH!
Slowly this morning, im thinking, lets take it slow, different from the usual, youve got to be telephatic as you take my twin orbs into your hands, "beautiful" you say...
I know I think.
you kiss them one after the other licking on my nipples...sheet! im loving this, i really am!
good ain it?" you ask. you know it is and you know i love it when you say "ain' it". you scroll down on me and you start to lick beneath my breasts, you slide your fingers into my moist, "you sure know how to drip" you say. what can i say? Im the the fire service only beacause your the one on fire!" you grab my head and start to kiss me, hard, well fast then slow. you lick on my lips... im loving it i thrust my tongue into your mouth, it meets with yours...darn. you sexy.

you hold me away and look into my eyes... "you know how much i dig you babe?"
in miy mind STALE JIST, to you..."I know, plus you know its totally mutual"

"what would have happened if i had never met you?" i cant answer, I really want to but all i can think of right now are your fingers in me, you are sliding in me, tapping in on the right frequency i must confess. "o! sheet" im moaning, it must have been a fery fery good sound cuz the way you attacked Taiwo ehn na die, dont forget the other one im thinking, dont you dare. But you do dare, you Ignore Kehinde and move all the way down to Alaba. FORK! you know i cant stand that, i really cant..."No dont... i dont want you too" my alter Ego? "Suck on it beetch you know you want to"
You ignore me, and force my legs apart, Ewo! why i no wear shorts sleep na? hmmmmm! you latch on and start to do your thing, i can feel your tongue dartin in an out like a woodpecker, unexpectedly, i move aiming for the other side of the bed, its just too much for me, i cant help it, i cant stand it...your laughter fills the room
"ole, lazy girl, na only mouth you get"

you know me, you know me only too well, you know sey dem no they call me name wey no be my own, you know sey dem no they call me pikin wey no know him papa. in my head Jazzman's song..."Won ti da mi mo lo sen pariwo (they have recognised me, that is why they shout!) ehn omo to dun (the child that is sweet) with the same contenet grin on your stupid sexy face you watch me crawl back to your end of the bed, i take off my panties, who needs the interference? im not taking off my night shirt, I know what the satin does to you and i know what leaving it on does to you, on a platter i spread em legs and say it..."Suck on it beetch!" you laugh that your laughter wey wan resemble growl and you attack me like the spartans attacked their enemies, i cant help it anymore, Im screaming my head off
"sheet, sheet sheet" it only makes you do it some more. I want deeeeck im thinking, i need to grab the 'mic'

"i want you" I say
"you had better" you reply
“No no, i mean...i want...hmmm...i want to sock on you too
"Its your birthday babe...thats not an option"
"but i really want to, i need to...i have to"
you ignore me and go back to doin it, what does CWB call it now? "Claw" ehen yes, im thinking Now, Now! Now!
I voice my thoughts..."now, please now"
"...NO!"
a kaleidiscope explodes, i dont believe it, you making me beg you? your going to make me beg? you are only doing it cuz you know it makes me twice the hornier beetch I am now.

Two can play, I wont give you the pleasure of hearing me beg...or will i?
I Hold your head down, pushing your head into me some more, might as well
Stick you whole darn head into it, my toes are burning, my ears, fingers, my hair seems to be standing, static, electricity, you chose that particular moment to stop... for the good cuz less than a millisecond later i feel you, the you i definitely cant do without 'Tap ' on my button
Yes! finally, he's going to...he's...hmmmmm!

Inside! Home!

your moving now, its the grand prix, slowly, sheet what contrast, harder, what pain, full throttle, nothing but pleasure.

My legs over your shoulders...I DON DIE O. I know where im going to be feeling you, In my brain. ahh Ori min korin, ori min korin (my head is singing, my head is hitting the iron post...who cares?)

"Its paining me" I say
"should i stop" you ask
"nooooooo" I answer. In my head, you dey crase? do more, more
you spin me around somehow, you are still lodged in me, my upper body you nudge, "down a bit babe" im like a slide as you slide in and out of me, i wonder whats going through your mind, but no time to ask, i can feel you building, you exit my body, why nah? you be winsh? you dey crase? what nonsense, what rubbish, what...juices? all over, it feels like the kaiji Dam, the springs, who needs water cooperation if me one person can manufacture so much liquid? See as tap dey gush, abeg shock that tin make water no waste, you lay down and place me ontop of you, no questions, i straddle you, lets go now! Camron you dey?

"Horse and carriage den den, Badchic here den den, with the sexy den den Mr Bad den den, we gonna fooooooork till we come den den, even then den den we go still continue den den"

Me ontop, you grabbing on to the 'twins' they must dey fear, see as dem dey shake, i look into your eyes

"you determine the pace babe, its your day"

Need you say more?, i pull you up and kiss you like there was no tomorow, you latch on to the twins cuz you know thats what does it for me, i can feel it coming, the rush, i feel you hold me tighter than a clamp...

"Im goin to..." i say

"sheet" you say...

"Can i?" I say...
"you want to? you say

"Baaaaaby..." I say

“Uhn..." you grunt

"Aaahhh, mmmm, im...im...im" i say

"uhmmm" you say

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeet!" we say

I come as i feel you spill it all into me. talk about buying me a drink!

im panting, na me just finish marathon, na me just reach where i dey go, na me just land, na me just come

“ Happy Birthday babe, I love you Pieces"

In my mind? Stale jist

As it did not happen like this...wash out for Part two!

A bit down.

Winches. they want to catch me? sing along

Ota to ba fe doublecross me o! igbaloandogi won.

Got my first shot in 6 years yesterday, i hate hospitals. i had to be talkin to man at the same time, was hoping he'll talk dirty in my ear so ill ignore the pain. did it work? naaah! he was laughin, my cries of 'passion' where gettin to him. I love long things in me but the needle?

whats worse its my birthday on friday...they cant catch me! Prayer def works. he holding me together. Pray for me y'all blog some mor in a couple of hours, need to lie down now.

hmmmmn i sigh.

Story story...

Stooory! Last week friday was a blast! but before I go on, I have to say THANK you to all you blog citizens for showing me much love, thank you for making me feel so accepted. roll call? abegi u know yourselves moreover u have to pay for advert space. lol

Update on Eno?

Yoruba people say "the talk that we have said the father should not hear, it is the father that will sort it out" hope I got that right. anyways mf is some lucky chic, somehow, there is absolutely noting for her to be afraid of anymore, I mean ehn that binsh has got to be one of the luckiest on the face of the earth. well the problem is not completely solved but, its not so much of a problem anymore. Eno is still on her case like flies on shit but ehn, Eno no get mouth again o! well na me somehow somehow cause the wahala. I actually assumed my blog was soo anonymous, (hence my extreme jaboing, casting, gbeborunin, ofofofoing, general inability to keep jist to myself) I dont tell people about it except we tight like that and even those I told and gave the address e.g my cousin josephine? she says she's too busy to read it. so im feeling sexy with myself abi? wroooong. apparently another friend of ours lets call him Mike (jackass like u, u know yourself) reads my blog, he ends up discussing it with mf's boyfie over a table where Udeme happened to have been present, only God knows how their jist got there but ehn, boyfie put two and two together and tried a bit of psychology on mf, mugun that she is she erupted and started spilling like oil from a rig. (I swear mf na mugun) if na me ehn, i will deny till thy kingdom come. so sha sha the guy sef don they suspect her, says she had been hoarding her fone, stepping out to recieve calls, turning off the phone when they were together, being apprehensive, shaky, jittery et al. only for him to find out it was a girl she was with. Was he mad? Did he leave her? na that would have been conventional.

Well to cut long story short, he formed anger, told her it had to be he was doing something wrong, wasnt paying her enough attention, he coudnt have her cheating on him, they had to sort it out. How? Agbaya took her to his and forked her one million ways till sunday!

HA! my kind of guy. (my bad I know its mfs guy but ehn...I speak my mind) I just noticed sey all weekend mf no call or show, na so sunday afternoon she call me with her voice like sey she just got back from Iraqi. whispering like a tif.

mf- "bad...I no know whether to call u oloshi or to say thank you, this guy wan kill me o! I tell am sey I tire, in tell me sey i never see anything, just dey do me anyhow since friday night." (binsh like she wasnt enjoying herself)

me- AHH! u no close shop?

mf- the mo fo went to palms and bought jelly o!

me- kilon je be? (im thinking jell-o here)

mf- ode ky jelly, lubricant!

me- YEEEE! se pe they sell that tin in naija? how much?

mf- e no go better for u, na wetin u suppose say be that?

me- ha! sorry o! okay call eno to join now, i don talk better now?

mf- binsh. gotta go, he's coming.

me- Already? lol she hangs up.

So I kinda kobalised her and well she got it good atleast the guy was decent enuff to be understanding. So bloggers three cheers for Mr mf!

Speaking of the Mr's well you know how they say you go looking fo something in Sokoto when it is right there in your Sokoto? will keep u posted on that!

So Last week Friday was bunz it was "it takes 2" a new reality show coming up soon. with similarities to dancing with the stars this show has got to be one of the best things to hit the airwaves since forever. 10 celebrities, 10 pro dancers. roll call
Tara Fela Durotoye (house of tara)
Mr Nigeria (Brian sometin)
Former miss Nigeria Omowunmi Akin...
Sound Sultan
Kunle Afolayan (u know him from Irapada)
Zizi Cardow
Nomoreloss
Funlola Aofiyebi
Omotola Jalade and last but not the least
PASUMA WONDER

it was the bomb, live studio audience and yadi yadi ya. I think ill blog on it later (maybe) as in the only person wey dey trip me pass na Paso, you should have seen him in a tux dancing the Rumba. sheet thats one fuji guy with alot of class.

Anyways with me making myself happy and all the 'guy' from my previous post I saw that day. well its like this, I happen to be related to one of the celebrities aforementioned (not paso) and he was just there chilling in his Planet one hotel room, I go down there cuz Im bored as hell anyways, might as well be early for the show. Ironically 'He' called, lets call him Dele now.

Anyways, I tell him Im at planet one, drop by after work if u can, would be cool to see. so he shows up after work, looking sexy as hell, I go down to the lobby to pick him up, so back to the so so sexy planet 1 hotel room. somehow somehow everyone left the room for the show and we was here alone, I dont think Ive ever been that hot in the cold. with ac from different angles I was heating, see correct setting, sound proof everything, sexy bed, bath, living room, how the fork do you want it? I cant deny me I had eeveel intentions towards the guy o!
I had had like 10 serious premonitions as to how we had collided, discarded and combined but all na dream o! trust me and my big mouth, I told him o! you know I want you and yadi yadi ya! I even gawked that day sef, I should have spiced his drink lol.

Anyways, we had a couple of conversations, you know the weather, art, African magic, Benson and Hedges, he couldnt stay I walked him to his car, kissed him on his cheek, told him " I love you" and walked back in. End of story. when cloth does not fit, move on and look for your size. lol

By the way Dele, since u now have my blog add anyways, feel free to drop a comment.

Ehen what else? me I dont know but for those who want Eno's no *wink wink* holla at ya girl.

Yawa for my friend.

My friend (mf for short) is in serious trouble, it has to do with a girl. aaahhhhh!

mf has turned James Bond, avoiding the girl like yahoo yahoo boys avoid dem EFCC, mf has to turn off all phones; celtel o! mtn, glo, mts, starcomms (haba how many fone for one person?) even the land line in mf's house has been computerised to say "mf is not aound please dont try later".

Apparantly (dem say dem say na so mf take tell me) it was a cold wednesday evening mf was in a room with Eno, nice teets, sexy, horny as hell. somehow somehow mf gets her naked and they start to do the preliminary to d main d main thing.
I asked mf why not d main d main?
mf says "because i am not a painter"
So the story goes ( i still dont believe it is the full story, something must have been left out) they were there just talking o! harmless talk only that it turned to something else, you fit do, you no fit do turn to kizzing, turn to strippin. Mf is good, knows what to say and how to say it, mf takes off Eno's bra and sucks on her buttons, tugs a bit, licks and laps...bites then licks again just the way girls like it. Eno grabs mf's head and starts to kiss like she left somthing in mf's throat (mfs words not mine) mf pulls her head back and spanks her, tells her to show some respect, Eno likes it, Eno is panting asking to be touched, Mf bliges...spanks...rubs...kisses...tugs...kisses...talks dirty...spanks...kisses...Eno comes....
I asked mf "didnt YOU come?"
mf answers "I came ages before her"

Mf is now in serious trouble o! avoiding Eno like a plague, why? Eno wants more! Eno has proffessed love, warned mf not to hurt her, cheat on her, Eno calls mf at odd hours to say "im horny", i need to be ... CENSORED!

mf is in a serious relationship, is getting married pretty soon, mf didnt even have sex with Eno, all they did was the preliminaries. ( i believe that one I've listened in on one of mfs conversations" mf wants to know what to do...enter me confidant.


me I dont know o! this na new territory for me, how mf? how could you cheat on your partner? how could you do whatever it is you did with Eno? me I dont know what you are going to do o! if I say continue avoiding the girl d question "for how long?" comes up. tell her? according to you she's a warrior.
hmmmm I sigh. well mf the best solution I can think of is tell your boyfriend and maybe y'all can have a minaj ( thats me being wicked sorry) as i was saying...STOP BINSH!

did you say boyfriend?

yep I did.

how? is mf gay?

no no mf is not gay or is mf gay? wo me i dont know jare all i know is mf does have a boyfriend, mf loves boyfie, boyfie loves mf aint that the way its supposed to be? i mean mf is gettin married to boyfie and they plan to have kids...(BOYFRIEND MUST NOT FIND OUT!)

Hellooo? why are we going Chuck and Larry here? Elton John and who knows? Bobby and Elvis?
What are you talking about? more like Ellen, Rosie and Nike

DUH! mf is a girl, she did some girl on girl action (see what too much mojo has caused) which in my opinion makes it complicated.

I dont know what she was thinking but now she running from another girl. she keeps asking me "badderchic wetin i go do now? na u bad now."

ye righ' na me do girl? but in the spirit of helping your neighbour out of a jam...

guys...help!

Ubong any ideas? wave? ugo? fineboy? port harcourt?

36? idemmilli? laide? yosh? overwhelmed? omo? princess?

Anyone?

help?

Even More.

An extra 5.

1. The Guardian a couple of days ago, reported the shooting of yet another civilian guess who done it? a trigger happy cop! Darn! not again. yould think that by now that sheet would have stopped. well guess what? it hasnt. and im wondering when are these mofo's gonna get their priorities right? refferin to my previous post i read some article not quite sure if twas the same but they quoted some rep of the police force disclaiming that they never arrested ladies on the grounds of indescent dressing (ye right) they were actually arrested in relation with criminal activities...riiight! So BBC must have reported crap cuz me knows i read their article well who would i rather believe a (crooked) cop or the BBC (im thinkin...) so i understand him trying to defend himself but then he forks it all up and says well when they (d cops) arrested street urchins noone said anything but once they arrest women we all shout! so Mr cop, my question is how are we supposed to talk when (that is if) you arrest street urchins? is u retarded? thats like saying ill complain that u made the streets safer for me to walk on.

2. On the subject of street urchins popularly known as Agberos they are constantly coming up with somin new. the best part is only in Lagos! upsettingly many of us carry our faces and think wetin concern me? i mean i once saw Agberos harrass a guy for 200 bucks. his crime? he parked his car and refused to pay them 'their' money.
wow na dia papa build road abi? and becos d guy was butter he fell for their tactics and gave them 200 bucks. ah! over my dead body. trust yours truly, i took down the glass and put my mouth. wetin i talk?

(in yoruba, its usually sweeter) "you have collected d money oya now go and use it to build a house or better still buy a car...animal"

let me guess you'll say wetin concern me, why talk to an Agbero? why bother? let me tell u a lil story.

The laundary guy came over as is his usual practice and we realise Water coop has decided to 'take water away' for some reason best known to them, so i ask hyginus d security guy to go get me one of those mallams that sell 25litre kegs of water.
"ask him to offload 10. "
now i understand a keg is 20 bucks which means i give d guy 200bucks abi? till they come to tell me the guy is asking for an additional 100bucks, i go downstairs in my typical omo yoruba, amazon like manner

"if u no take 20 naira" i say "then take your water and go" (ye right, how do u take back water you done pouring?

Hyginus "madam, no min dem na so dem dey do, when dem see big big house dem go wan put money join" "aunty na 20 naira" d laundary guy and driver say.

im hell bent on havin it my way till the mallam speaks...

"walahi na twenty naira we dey kollet bepor bepor but those feful dem dey kollet moni por our hand"

"what people?" i ask, the driver helps me out here. The Agberos! apparently, agberos collect money for just about anything in Lagos. theres money for parking, meruwas, driving, going past one way roads, garbage guys, heck there soon enough will be money for breathing in air. we forget we all are part of the circle of life, when we turn a blind eye what they do to these Meruwas affect u and i. you dont believe me? who paid the extra 100bucks?

3. Lunatics, mad people, mentally unbalanced in other words were's. isnt it funny that Lagos is one place where we walk past these people unperturbed? children even take out time to laugh at these people, ye they are people. inspite of the fact that there are psychatric hospitals at Yaba and Oshodi (i found that out accidentally) they still roam the streets. whats disgusting? Me seeing a stark naked Were obviously just done having a shit, using sand from the walkway as toilet paper!

4. How is it possible that we walk/drive by corpses unperturbed?

5. When do you reckon they'll start treating the Niger-Delta region with more respect? i reckon if they treated these people right, gave them the neccessary attention/amenities there wont be so much violence going on. wanna know whose side to be on? Check out pictures on Corbis.

Only God will save us.

I notice my blog is becomin less mischeivious. dont worry will b back soon just need to tackle these issues first.

Holla at ya girl!

And again.

5 More things...

1. Everyday on my way to work, im treated to the gruesome sight of a man with cancer of the testicles ( i assume that is what it is) another with burns on his leg ( i have actually seen him pour engine oil on it maybe to ease the pain or for better effect) another with a swollen face, i have learnt to avert my eyes anytime i hear the music, yes they actually play music, christmas carols in the middle of the year, there are also uniformed 'collectors' speaking into a megaphone telling you to 'help' some people that have inadvertently messed up your day and that will more than likely make more that you in a day (even after taxes) dont get me wrong it is not like i am not sympathetic to their plight its just that it is wrong to have to subject people to this especially kids. many a time, ive had to ask my siblings to search for something on the floor, just so they dont have to see it. its even more pathetic the women with twins, limbs intact begging for money. i guess in Naija, everything na business, even begging.

Nobody is doing anything about this.

2. I saw a cop slap an old man. "cmon shut up" pa! pa! the man was old enough to be his father. the other cops looked on, i couldnt stop my cab could i? lets see "ehn baba oni taxi wait. officer, why did you just slap a senior citizen?" i would probably have been arrested for indecent exposure in my jalabia.

Nobody is doing anything about this.

3. Of all the things affecting this country, high crime rate, not finding Bola Ige's, Funsho Williams and that cute 19yr old they killed b4 elections killers the most impotant thing the police have decided to tackle is indecent exposure? Fork the police! what happened to increasing crime rate? what happened to robberies in traffic? what happened to Agberos? what happened to general security? somebody tell that guy whoever he is that Lagos is no Sharia state. I am against indecent exposure, girls going all nasty, but do you think arresting people for their fundamental human right is going to make things right? do it the right way, educate them, go to their schools, teach them they are wrong, have more time for your kids, stop them watching Beyonce, Rihanna, try Corrine Bailey Rae, she better, India Arie. More importantly you pointing the fingers and calling indecently dressed chics whores stop financing their moves, na you be the Aristo. whoever came up with that law, raise your hand and say you have never given a young girl money to sleep with you. Pharisee.

Nobody is doing anything about this

4. SSS short for super sweet sixteen. that has got to be the worst show ever! it is fascinating at first but after that it is messed up! they make us watch children disrespect people all in the name of birthday parties? sulk if they dont get a car? spend money on jewellery like they were p diddy? what the hell happened to teaching a child to be strong? like my friend asked "if this one na 16th birthday wetin she go do for wedding?" fork that! when children are hungry in dafur somebody spent 140k dols on jewellery alone? like my mom would say "se o sise owo si mi lapo?" did you work and put money in my pocket? when you are giving your child the impression that money would sort out any and everything for you truth is no probs destroy your childs life but for the sake of almighty God MTV stop destroying ours. what really is SSS trying to teach/preach?

Nobody is doing anything about this.

5. The way children dress to the movies, YEPA! kilode? is it that they pack their rags in their bags and change in the bathrooms? abi? ko ye mi o! trust my agbaya'isous friends, they would go to the railings and look down, straight into these childrens cleavages. i blame them not! to them, they are young ladies who need helping abi who no like better thing? later now they would tell me Roman Polanski, Rkelly, Mike Tyson carried underaged children how now? is it under aged commodity they are carrying up and down? or if u meet a girl in the club or where agbalagbas are will you ask for identity card? abi when she tells you she is 21 will you go to her house to find out if it is a lie or not? lets not even go into that worped oyibo sense but meen leave it! these children dont look their ages, dont act their ages, if they want to dress adult then they should be ready to play adult games abi? dont blame the men, blame the parents! while your busy making more money to buy plasma screens for your househelps to watch, your innocent children are not so innocent anymore.

Nobody is doing anything about this.

God save us from the wonders of this world o!

On a lighter side? lets try some praise and worship song. if you know it pls sing along."ota to ba fe doublecross me, igbalandogi won" (enemies wanting to doublecross me (not quite sure what igbalandogi means) i guess they would run down?) i got bad news like2 weeks ago, its taking away about a year of my carefully planned life but hey! no shaking, everything happens for a reason abi? nothing do me.

And so ive had you ask me what PHD means, for those who are truly oblivious, i will enlighten you.

P- quite attractive, beautiful.
H- of a large mass, of great weight
D- Tom, _____ and Harry.

Do the math! hallelu...halleluyah!

Exschnerd, kay and all em peoples that wanted to know why i wasnt blogging thanks for caring, the winches were tring to 'cash' me but they can not succeed. speaking of winches, i heard jist o! some chic was on a bus with one of em preachers in it, i hear it went somin like this..."All women that wear trousers are prostitutes, that wear make up prostitutes, that this...prostitutes, that...prostitutes, it is against the will of God" or somin like that apparently he was going a bit overboard. and for everytime he said something 'hilarious' the chic would laugh hysterically sha to cut long story short, as she was getting off the bus after laughing at the 'preacher' she fell flat on her face. now is that the will of God or just winches?

Holla at your girl!