Almost Christmas.

My personal people first things first, Make una no vex, time no too dey my side.

wrapping up on stuff, CPB don turn crase, she has been showing up unexpectedly, letting herself in while my guy is asleep, tried raping him a couple of times, asked people to please excuse them so they can fork, cooking my guy food, walking in and making herself comfortable kinda shit, yes o! she don turn stalker.

My guy is not such a nice guy though, he disses her every opportunity he gets, telling her how dense she is et al.

the girl go quiet, Call the next day saying she knows he didn't really mean all he said yesterday and she forgives him. WAHALA!

when we finally bounce her I go let una know. lol

On a thankful side, GOD did the biggest for me a couple of days ago. I thank him for it. make una join me thank Baba J o! as in he fulfilled my innermost desire and fought for me when humans tried to pull me down. truly, who God has blessed no man can curse. I asked for 10 things, I have gotten two don't mean I wont dance like David Danced. (no its nothing you are thinking, I haven't been proposed to don't ask what Just thank him for me.)

When it comes to Man, I have not been totally honest with yall, okay not dishonesty, just time. I just didn't have time to blog about him and before I could, he don hurt me waka.

That that don't kill me only makes me stronger abi?

We kinda hooked up real quick, (he used ogboju o!) he was everything I wanted and much more, one day a couple of weeks later, he decided to get back with the ex. leaving me feeling like I had just been duped,419ed S'all gud ainnit? I hurt but I was alright, my question remains though

"why the hell did you now bother me in the first place?"

God bless him for making hurt.

I hung out with Ade from a couple of posts ago, Harmless flirting, remember him? well apparently just ex boyfie saw us, was at the same place as we us, I didn't see him, he had his fill watching us. funnily enough all the while I was with Ade I kept thinking about just ex boyfie can you imagine?

He calls me that night number blocked and tries to form activity, I hung up. he called back and tried to apologize, I wasn't listening, the next day, I called him and cursed him well, "Fuck you Fuck you and Fuck you" I say, truth is I'm usually quiet when it comes to man issue and his wahala so that was shocking for him I guess, he wants us to hook up so we can 'talk' as no be phone jist.

NO! I say

'you dont have a choice' he says

"Yes I do"

"okay you do, just please lets talk"

I want to yet I don't want to. I miss him soo bad yet he was the one who hurt me. na wa o!

ke sera sera.

Okay for Christmas, I want Baroque on a platter...Maybe not.

for Christmas, I would please like a new laptop. God will do am.

I also want to love and be loved.

finally I would like a MAN to fork my brains out. ouch did I say that? well I no sabi lie, twould be nice if a man who loved me actually did, it would be more than nice....

Maybe I should just stick to wanting a laptop.

Merry Christmas peoples, I love you guys!

Another mini series-Crazy Psychotic Bitch.

Now I had to wait for permission to be able to blog about this...and Now I can,
I also had to travel a distance to get this jist first hand, the things I do for gbeborun. lol. enjoy.

My friend has been single for some time now well not exactly single, miss wifey has been in Jand for a bit leaving Mr Brother all hard and dry and in need of a good good lay, well he sure has been singing it into our ears for a while now such that we started to pray he find someone just as horny as he was, well our prayers were answered or where they?

You see, Mr Bro works in a bank, so this particular day, this 'customer' comes searching for a colleague, Mr Bro with his eyes filled with spermatozoa claims to have seen nothing but her booty, well long and short Mr Colleague passes Crazy psychotic bitch henceforth CPB to Mr Bro. ho ho ho merry Christmas!

Well he calls her up last Saturday morning, just for small talk by 6.30 shes in Lekki on her way to his crib 7.30 they are watching Prison Break already...8.30 she hungry fine no shakings lets go grab some food...

she drops her Bag behind...hmmm?

Drive to the eatery, she orders Take away...hmmmm?

Drive Back to his place, 10.30 already aint no way bitch (his words not mine) is going home tonight. mind y'all Mr Bro is still blind in the eye abi?

okay so she eating, he watching P break, they having a conversation when all of a sudden she leans in and kisses him.

"what the hell was that for"? he asks

"Just saying thank you is all"

"Bitch all I bought was rice, if I threw in a burger, what would you give me?"

she done eating in a bit and then they start some real real rough play when suddenly...

She putting up resistance

we shouldn't be doing this, I don't want to get hurt,I just broke up with my boyfriend, I don't want this yet.

WTF?

Bitch please, you knew you was going to get laid thats why you dropped your purse and didnt go home. alright Im not in d mood for this, what side of the Bed you want? fine

GBAM! My guy crashes. I'm too old for this bull shit he's thinking.

The end?

Ye right!

My guy says at about 2ish, he feels Junior start to stir. eyes open CPB in her birthday suit, jacking him off .

"Wait a minute, thought you said you didn't want this..."

"Well Just for tonight, I want to feel loved, just tonight, I always do the right things, Just tonight, i want to be bad"

"Well Bitch I dont care if you want to be Micheal Jackson, GET OVER HERE"

with some mortal Kombat moves...

He fucked her with reckless abandon

his words not mine.

She cried, he wasn't even listening "wait" he didn't "take it easy" he didn't "please don't stop!" he didn't

"Bad, it was for me, all for me, I didn't care if she came or not, I just needed mine, the girl was talking bullshit, I couldn't care less...I forked her!"

I felt bad for the girl until I heard the rest of the jist.

Well that session ended and he crashed, morning came time to look at the girl better...ewww! DISCHARGE TIME only she wasn't leaving.

So he is on his laptop waiting for girl to go take a bath and bounce when she comes and grabs his deeck

" Last night was for you, this is mine" she proceeds to forking him but my guy na bad guy, he no gree starts to deal with with her again, dayyum she ugly...TURN AROUND girl (Im told that works all the time) so he's hitting it form the back till she yells

"TELL ME YOU LOVE ME"

"Bad talk about a deeck going soft, I lost it meen, it just shriveled meen"

so he uses everything but his deeck, bitch come and come and go...

she came, once, twice, the third time, he puts his deeck back in and she comes the fourth time (Bravo bravo bravo!) he feels like givving himself a apt on the back only problem is she aint leaving after that...that amaaazzing fork.

Wahala!

My guy says she swept his WHOLE apartment, dusted, did the dishes, carried FOUR 25 litres kegs of water effortlessly from DOWNSTAIRS...

Made him Fork her yet again...in the shower!

AH!

the phone calls were crazy.

"Bad where you dey? I beg you dey come my house now now! I need help o!"

I couldn't make it. somehow somehow with the help of another friend of ours he got rid of CPB.

you would think thats the end of the story, Na lie!

Im tired jo

Wash out for part 2!

Meeting KAY SHAWN.

"you are only crazy about the cunning linguist because you havent met me"

this was waiting patiently for my approval, stupid boy that Kayshawn, making mouth virtually. lol

would I like to meet another blogger?

honestly I really dunno. ironically I have had but a bad experience with a blogger, its just one blogger Im not in touch with after having met, not mine fault guys not mine at all.

Okay someone asked where Ozaveshe is on my page, the boy hasnt come to comment so as to make the story sweet. well in his words, the cunning linguist is carefully thinking on what to write, well while he is thinking, I have written another post. lol

Oza and I are slowly building our friendship, he really is a very good friend to have, and I really am lucky to have him as a friend and vice versa, unfortunately, well for those who got popcorn waiting to see a love story unfold and fortunately for you Bumight who wants him for herself, we that is Oza and I are gravitating towards an extremely platonic friendship/relationship dont get it twisted he really is all that and a bag of chips and we all know I am hot while you are not lol but really, I see us as extremely good friends, which is what we seem to be, what we are getting at.

there are some people you respect too much to want to spoil it all with sex, well Oza is one of em, its been what? 3weeks? but ehn even I dont understand it our level of friendship .

so if you want Oza? see me, I fit to organise the sometin.

Im sure Baroque would be happy reading this, cuz I know he wants me scratch that needs me hehehehe

Kayshawn. wait your turn and join the queue jo! lol

Happy new month peoples, I miss yall loads, especially Mz Dee.

like Geisha said...On the first day of christmas....

All ye male bloggers.

I hereby declare that bloggers should start acting with sense and hooking up with female bloggers!

this is totally unfair!

how dare you be good looking and not tell us single sister bloggers? for the record I AM NOT YOUR SISTER.

unless ofcourse you are Naapali.

Okay shall I stop ranting and raving already you ask?

I met this really cute guy yesterday, trust me sharp girl wey no dey carry last I don fall in quick quick, as a sharp gal, start to dey follow the boy talk phonee, all the English wey dey my mouth. and as Rkelly talk am, Im a flirt!

ol boy, one Man dey wait me for left, another dey wait me for right, but noooo who was this cuuuute guy in blue, my fafrite color like Suliat said.

We talk for a bit, I have to go and I tell him as much.

ME: So its about time we ended the conversation

Him: okay guess we see some other time

Me: they didnt teach you well, if they taught you well you would have known that I meant lets continue this conversation in a bit?

Him: o! okay let me give you my card

Me: and mine

Him: lets go to my car to get my card

me: why dont you go get it so I get mine out as well.

he goes to his car, I wish I could say I go to mine but I just walked to my friends car to get my card out of my bag.

Ashawo

I know.

at that time, I had forgotten ALL OTHERS! may God forgive me my sins that are many, especially the sins of the flesh.

the boy was fyne! as in sexy with sexy shirt, eyes, voice, smile whats more, he seemed to be digging me. like my friend will say, May I not carry Last AMIN!

na so the boy come back o, we exchanged cards, he bounced, I did too. end of story or so I thought.

I got home and looked at the card... Tom OZAVESH smith...

Ozavesh ke?

what were the odds that...

e gba mi ooooooooooo!

could it be?.........

peraps?.......

I picked up my fone sharp sharp

"Are you home yet?""I ask him

who is this he asks me

you were supposed to have been on your way home from spot x

HI Chic

okay I have a question for you...

Are you a blogger?

yes

Are you the cunning linguist?

yes

Are you a blogger he asks me

yes

who are you?

Im not telling I say

needless to say at the end of the night, the boy found out I was the one and only Badderchic. sadly too cuz now he doesnt respect me anymore he has seen my yansh finish. lol

"eeeeeeeeeeee you were now making me talk plenty plenty english, If I had known it was you badderchic, I for no bother, all those things you wrote, did they really happen? ah! you are a bad girl..."and so the talk went on.

you male bloggers are wicked people, yes I said it. especially you the cunning linguist you are very very very wicked.

HOW DARE you be fine, single and sexy as fuck, and you dont think to be toasting female bloggers ehn? we are from different walks of life yet we are all so close, you know wussup and you are still forming?

tunda faya all of you!

the girls are vexing!

which kin boolsit is tis? Enigma fine but engaged okay no problem, Fineboyagbero fine but monkey, okay no problem, charizard Im older than you so gerraway! but Cunning linguist? NImmo, Jaja, Porter, Baroque, Jaguda the other male bloggers all of you RUBBISH!

Ozavesh

I told you last night, Im saying it again, you are the one I have been waiting for you see all those other boys I blogged about well, that was just me being creative, they were all a figment of my imagination ( GOd will forgive me ) sweetheart I know you have seen my yansh finish but truth be told, I have equally seen yours. dont form for me o! because you told me last night that it has teyed that you have been shadowing me, scoping me, you were wondering why you hadnt just stepped since, you see if you had acted sharply alot of those previous posts wouldnt have come to life but it is alright, you can make it up to me, what did we say now? Brunch?

Cunning linguist, because you and I have have been virtual friends I will do you the favour of not making you join the queue, you have special reservations, what do you say cutie? you game?

what is it with me and all these bois sef? I like the soap i have been using to baf o!

Harmless flirting.

Well thats what I thought it was...harmless flirting.

Ive known him a couple of months

I have always flirted with him, even with a guy by mine side and a girl by his.

I really dont...didnt care.

Out for drinks at this spot one evening, with a lot of pips, I went into the bathroom, it was huge, first thing that came to mind, 'twould be nice to do somin naughty in here'

He was the first person I saw as I stepped out, wow Ade, that bathroom is huge, corridor then bathrooms, away from the world, I could snog in there.

"lets see" he said we went in

"lets snog" he said... I ran!

harmless flirting I said it was, well I thought it was

somehow, there was conflict with a mutual friend, we got thrown together, we worked together, it got sorted, I realized I had the hots for him, he had realised earlier than me.

whats with me and all this bois sef?

I just got rid of Baldy, annoying with all his rubbish talk, I just got rid of the crush as well, disgusting the way he handled it when I told him I liked him, acted like a real pisshead.

Ade and I laughed over Crush, nope didnt tell him bout baldy.

harmless flirting we said.

He picks me from work, we are going to meet mutual friend, on the way we fight, slap, fight some more, hit, sulk...actually I did all that

"stop Im driving" he says

"apologise" I say

"for what?" he laughs

I slap him some more, its an estate so its aiight to play while driving, he's going slow anyways.

"I hate you" I tell him

" no you dont" he says

"Apologise"

"NO!"

I sulk for about 10 mins

" Okay sorry" he says

"say it like you mean it"

"I mean it"

"accepted" I say, I move to kiss him on his cheek, he gives me his lips

what is it with me and these boys I wonder

I act as though I didnt notice, kiss him on the cheek he says someting seemingly foolish again, I hit his hand he holds onto mine hands, no one is holding the steering. I take over, he works the pedals, I work the wheel. to our destination.

"that was fun" I say

"you are fun" he says

there for a bit, time to go, outside, waiting for mutual friend, he holds my face, says,

"Im going to come 80% why dont you do the 20"...

I did

we kissed.

his lips taste like pistachio and chocolate, my fav flavors, his lips, so succulent, makes me want more.

I have the hots for him, he does for me too. his longer than mind if I might add, he knew I had a crush on crush, he had the hots for me even then.

I don't want to date him, I cant, too many mutual friends, too many questions

we have the hots for each other though.

so we are going to keep kissing.

How long is this one going to last I wonder

what is it with me and these boys sef?

Harmless flirting indeed.


N.b
My peoples Im going to try update at least once every 2wks, busy busy busy. guys please refer to Jeremy's Blog for updates on the Uzoma Okere issue, Ive decided to Volunteer, Im going to help fight injustice, who's with me?

Naked potopoto

So Invisible Inspired this.

I cant exactly stand the reccession in blogsville either, whats happnin to us guys?

you need to read invisibles post its hilarious. makes me wanna say;

My friends had been goin on and on about some strip clubs in gidi, I had never been and being a gbeborun, inquisitive somebody I had been making noise in their ears about how I wanted to follow, why didnt they take me before?

That particular friday we had a gig to be at but got bored early into it. I was sooo mad as in after getting dressed to go out the tin don dey dull like that kin 12. the next thing was to go home and sleep abi? naw! my boys had a better idea.

So we get there and Im the only girl with like 5 boys, luckily as usual Im all dressed up like one of em so nothing like anyone mistaking me for a hustler...or so I thought.

We pay to get in and almost immediately Im engulfed by all the smoke, that place was darn hot, too may people in one room, suffocating.

it must have been the suffocation that made me want to pee cuz I had to go and I had to go fast. the toilet was descpicable but meen I have seen worse.

I get out and I cant find my boys ALL FIVE OF EM! AH! mo gbe. I whip out my phone and Im calling when this drunk ass,halitosis harborin, native and cap wearing, ugly as fork, cousin of Gollum bitch ass morafoka walks to me and tries to pull my arm, Ol boy me sef fear from the bad eye wey I give am, he's still trying to touch me, I muster ALL the phonee in my body to tell him that if he touches me, he will die. ol boy na so the guy start tell me sey im be counsellor for im constintuency as in ewwww what the fork! luckily for me, one of the boys came back to get me.

the show was eww, ,at that point two girls were supposed to be doing a 69 on stage with a dildo but it was ewww, they had no idea! they were faking it as in the expressions on their faces was dumb. ugly ass girls dey waka with white bra and pant talk sey na bikini, there was even one that looked 4 months to due date and had local tattoos of coconut trees on her stomach, I was distressed.

there was now one multiheterosexual, bisexual, monosexual girl there, ol boy the girl was sick! a customer, she was getting a lap dance from a stripper, slapping the asses of any stripper that dared walk past, getting her boobs sucked from the guy she came there with, putting her flashlight in the strippers ass, sucking another strippers boobs, it was a sight! at first I dey shy to look but I noticed one of my boys had turned his chair and was looking at them full, when I pulled him, he told me say na strip club, if dem no wan make person see them dem go do am for house.

like all that wasnt enough the idiotic Dj kept on playing Whitney's your love is my love and kept on going back on ''If tomorow was judgement day" odikwa very unfunny, I was thinking if rapture should come NOW, wetin I for talk? this place no worth am naa.

the coconut bearing girl now had one baba mufutau oko Iya basira look alike customer, following her up and down, as in they would go to the corner and he would proceed to squeezing the living day lights out of her breasts, the guy had this nackson look, it was disgusting. after the dance she would now wear her payint back right there and then. HA!

It was upsetting, that my first trip to a strip club woulda been such a disaster as in NOT ONE of the girls was fine, NOT ONE! mo fe le ma sunkun.

we left there disgusted as in even the guys were disgusted, straight home to sleep and try to block the omages from my mind.

potopoto, yanmayanma girls.

Truth be told...

My Personal peoples,

Blogsville, I don miss una gaaaan!

unfortunately I might not have beeg entirely honest...WAIT! dont take away my honest blogger award just yet.

I havent blogged in a bit not because I still been feeling the blues...nah! Ive been mad busy. Yes I have been feeling better just being too busy to blog as in belee that. By not bogging I just might have given you the impression I was still feeling down and thats not true. ema binu! lol

NAAAAPAAAALI!

I am stunned, put up a post just becos of me? I waas feeling every inch of a princess. thank you for all em birthday wishes it was a blast guys, ill give you the jist a lil bit.

TRUTH BE TOLD...

I learnt a couple of years ago that when it comes to man and woman matter the best thing to do is MIND MY FORKING BUSINESS so guys I wonder...is this one of those times? errrrm HELL YE! theres so much to say, so little time by the way mz Dee I miss you o! you too invisible and Afro.

well the situation on ground is that...

Friend A and Friend B are my friends but they dont know each other. Ive known friend B longer but Im closer to friend A well, friend A tells me last week that she forked friend A's Brother in law. i.e Friend B's sisters husband. (she met the guy randomly)

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE DUNNIT honestly guys, like Mario I dont wanna know as in I cant start to imagine why but as for me and my house we shall mind our business. how the hell am I supposed to say it

"errm friend B, you know that my friend A? that Im always talking about? well she been balling your nephews daddy...hehehehe" olorun maje abi pples wat do you think?

on the other hand TRUTH BE TOLD why does sex have to be so complicated? is it so difficult to understand sometimes that I just wanna fork you?

I lost a good friend of mine just cuz we forked I mean, its not mine fault, he decided to take a walk, dunno wassup with him on the inside, he prob thinks Im gonna get clingy and sheet but dude "I just felt like it and you was there so we dunnit! does it have to be so complicated?"

TRUTH BE TOLD

I met baldy a couple of weeks ago, Lordy lordy lordy he soooooooooo sexy but erm...I just want to fork him. well that makes two of us! hehehehe

baldy starts to piss me off with the "we cant get emotional and sheet" sturvs even after we had agreed on our 'arrangement' trust me and my big mouth i told him

"baldy, I dont want to marry you, dayyum, I dont even want to be your girlfriend, I just want to fork you! is that sooooo difficult to comprehend?"

lol. I really did say it, over the phone, in front of my born again older cousin, i reckon her mouth stayed open for days. lol

TRUTH BE TOLD

there is someone I do want to date and get emotional with but errm you know how it is, I dey fear to tell am lol. I have desisted from keeping his number and I look forward to seeing him once every two weeks whenever I do a meet with our circle of friends, then I go all mushy and stuff ater which I forget him or at least try. lol

EWOOOOOOOOO from I dont have time to a semi long post lol. hope I have satisfied y'all, Im still reppin abi?

Bloggers All, I miss and love you guys and errm spread the word...

THE BAD'CHAIRLADY IS BACK!