Putting the cart b4 the horse.

I like Man O!

lol not just the way you thinking, I'm thinking as friends, they do make a whole lot of sense, My closest friends are men... stop calling me a man wrapper jo!

Just sitting here reminiscing University days, the worst times ever, those times I was hot and cold at the same forking time, na woman cause am. accusing me of doing somin I never would have done, somin none of my male friends could ever think of let alone say I did.

emi BAD?

It was either yr 3 or 4, I wasn't much of a party goer in school nope, I just wasnt bothered with all the fake hype ye? was friends with this girl and ended up being friendly with her roomates et al.

Rm had tried to hook me up with her Beau's friend, the guy was single I dont think I was at the time but I wasnt serious or somin I no too remember. I had been talking to the guy and replying his text messages but all that stopped after I saw him once as in YUCK! to be fair to the brother he wasnt ugly, he was just not my type, not interesting, didnt set my blood to boil (and you know how much I crave excitement) anyways moving on.

say 1 or 2 months after that the call came

I remember that particular day

not from the guy but from RM

She wanted to know why the fork I had gone to spend the night at her boy friend's house on Christmas day.

she told me how I had called him to tell him I was in the area and if it was okay to drop by, she said I decided by 10 that my 'cousin' couldnt pick me up and I had to sleep over, how he had decided to sleep on the floor but I had offered the bed and how in the middle of the night I had asked him to fork me...and he had obliged.

I might suffer from Short memory syndrome but it cant be THAT bad, all that activity? e pass say make I no remember. the accusation was too mad, telling me not to even bother denying had her sisters and cousins yelling at me over the phone "dont you dare deny it you bitch" I weak.

for starters even if it was Ms Hyde that dunnit, I know I have NEVER missed christmas with my family. it is a rule wherever you are in the WORLD you are summoned home for christmas whatever the cost...they dont care!

How I wan take start explain am? aha! I remembered one of the guys living in our block had seen me at church that night, ask him! she did I think, cuz after that no more accusations (God punish Devil)

it was stupid I was embarrassed for us all, females.

I had no idea who her bf was, never met him, spoken to him once WHILE SHE WAS IN THE ROOM kai woman?

I think she later found out the guy was just a fuck and had been lying cuz after that she tried to call and apologise without saying sorry just that they had discovered the truth actually i think my friend did the calling, the guys (our friends) were soooo embarrassed about it, my friend was as well I was disgusted, that I was caught up in that kin bullshit, it is common knowledge, I hate rubbish...that was rubbish.

how the hell can a guy (with a history of being a pathological liar) come up with that kin bull and you dont ask? you accuse. why the hell do females put the cart before the horse?

what I hate most is our ability to want to act like nofins wrong, lets move on, "girl Im loving your hair where you do am..." like bitch yesterday I was forking your man today you like my hair? ko ma da fun e! that is it cannnnnnot better for you.

I can NEVER be friends with you. who knows what it would be tomoro?

I havent seen her since, didnt even bother adding her on fb, she always lived a superficial life, me? Im thinking of how to to keep loving and apprecialting my Male friends, few female trustworthy friends and of course get on the next flight so I do YOU!

o Ye... I missed y'all too.

You Miss Me?

Good Cuz I missed y'all too.

actually I miss YOU a whole lot but fork you! who needs you right?

as usual my life is a series of amusing events, countless watdaforks? have dropped from my lips trust me, it seems to get more and more interesting everyday yet Im bored...contradictory ye?

By the way I met some Benin guy whos some 12years older and who made me produce more fluids than the damn Atlantic Ocean...pity, I cant even remember the guys name.

Maybe its cuz Im off em effers called Men for now (ye ye Bad make up your mind will ya?)

okay lets get it straight. Remember Mr Man? well we finally finally finally scattered, after alot of false starts, I finally gathered enough 'balls' to look past the fact that he is some cute ass mofo who knows how to bone me right and tell him what a jackass he has been and bitch? Im moving, I had never been so mean to him, maybe if I had been that mean in the past he wouldn't have acted the fool. strolling home today he drove past me, damn my pulse quickened, he didnt see me though, he doesnt even know Im in town, funny funny funny. I have many regrets with him, no one is that I ever was good and that I was there for him a whole lot...he didnt deserve it. Ladies is it me or it seem like we ought not to be nice to em guys? they dont deserve it ye?

Most of all I think I regret not cheating on him when I had the chance, but that one don pass now se? If not for the immense satisfaction I would have gotten from gettin laid by YOU atleast now I would have this smug look on my face thinking 'Bitch I wasnt so faithful to you' ye?

past done past

On a fucking hilarious note, there is this Man hittin on me like whao. been at it for say about 2 -3 months now but has currently intensified these last couple of weeks

Ye he goodlookin
Ye he has shitloads of money (not like that matters with me)
Ye he funny as hell

but follow me and say

GOD FORBID!

why?

Cuz Mad is waaaaaay older, I have no Idea how old he is but I estimate 47-50
if you hear this man over the phone ehn you would this he was some 25 year old with all the talk, innuendos and shit. to be on the safe side (cuz Aristos aint my style), I involved one of my uncles make e no go be say bad dey follow baba rugbo on a coded level.

I have said no in different languages but he aint buyin so I have been adviced to post him like a note, my friend sexy thinks I should Chop his money but Im adverse to that, aint no reason to give him a reason to want to do me bad thing. Vik thinks I shouldn't be worried, He a man I'm a Woman, no long tin, why are you so surprised, you can make your own decisions, fuck him if you want!

Have I told you how much I hate Vik? lol

Its not my style...sorry.

I saw Slumdog millonaire... beautiful movie, saw it with Sexy and Blogger-in-the past. the movie was even more beautiful cuz I snogged thru half of it, you know to keep my mind off breaking it off with Mr Man. lol

How I miss him...You

Fuck Him...YOu

wish I could say I am back fully but y'all know I gotta go back to that fucking place. Ill say this though...you guys keep me going on those really fucked up days. all I have to do is remember one of Afro's or Ibi's exploits or think of how much trouble Baroque caused or Man Cee comin out and I cant help but to smile.

Ye I missed you.

What da fork?

Not exactly my close friend,

I dont really do close friends with chics, well, they are few I can talk to and trust CWB, exschnerd and Afro Inclusive

Well sha, just a hi hi jist jist kinda friend

scratch that Acquaintance.

She asked me the question of the century

A threesome!

I felt insulted.

I am so straight you have no idea. and even if I wasn't, even if I did have those tendencies and am willing and ready to explore them...she sorry they are definitely NOT my type.

apparently she and her partner decided I was 'best' for the 'job'

what rubbish!

what am I supposed to do? vie for the role of best supporting actress?

My heart sorry throbbing nethers lie elsewhere, (perhaps far a way in some town four hours away).

I conveniently told her to fork off, really ati iwo ati man e? NOT MY TYPE!

(kinda flattered though) but mostly upset.

now if it were Eva mendez and Denzel Washington asking for a 'crowd'?

I woulda dropped my jeans a long time ago.

As in?

Watdafork?

I am soo Chicken.

He's not Man enough, he is just not it I'm thinking. he is somebody else s everything but me? nah!

so what do I do about it?

let Mr Mean know the truth, maybe there's still a part of me deep down that wants you to shag me senseless but I really don't see it happening, I apologize. I still want to be friends though, I really have missed your sarcasm and the phone calls.

Call up Mr ex and let him know how I feel about us, I decide some 40 minutes later and tell him as much, we prob should never have had this conversation, there's a reason as to why you are an ex like Ibiluv said.

start droppin hints for Mr gimme those orgasms that are rare, so very hard to find. then decide to say it in not so many words, make up my mind we broken up and then realise y'all men dont even see it till it hit you in the head, i'mma tell you to your face

well thats what I planned to do

till I saw him

He had been ill and I had been ignoring his ass in the pre "i cant do this shit no more" mode

I went all putty

"why didnt you call me, I would have come over, you don chop? if you dont eat how you suppose to regain your strength? why the heck didn't you call me?"

and then I remember, He DID ask me to come over in those series of text messages, I was just sooo cold, I didn't bother responding positively.

My lord, did he look soooooooooooooooooooooooo cute with his shirt in his jeans, i didnt realise he was sooo good looking, I could just kiss him there and then, In traffic, aww baby, sexy as fuck.

we hung out for the better part of the day, I couldnt get my mind/eyes off his dick sorry I meant to say buns...and then we had an argument, stupid ass argument, to which I notice he's having a hard on....

"bitch, does this mean everytime we fight you get hard? cuz I could EASILY start a fight with you EVERYTIME if it means mad make up sex is going doooown abi?"

then I remember that one time he forked me soooo hard I ended up in the closet, we had just had a fight...wait a minute, seems to me like he one sick morafoka.

so he's hard, I'm Horny

lets go back to yours babe

errrm nope

I gasta go see my friends mom, he has a meeting.

what a freaking waste.

I missed him I realise, I missed his crase and the way he makes me laugh no I didnt miss the way he drives me up the wall

suffice to say

I didnt do it.

its your fault blogsville, you told me to hang on to the guy that gives me orgasms

okay its my fault Im the one who's chicken.

whilst I try to gather the liver to bounce

I say this with no shame, not an ounce

Bobs, walahi if u saw me now na to pounce

Im so hot for you scratch that I will pounce

Ill call you whatever name you want all na noun

more importantly Im thinking

"bitch please feel free to make my ass bounce."

Not Man enough?

"Im going to make you come you know that?"

I knew it, I always came with him, somehow, he just knows how to do me right, Im the chicken, he the TFC.

since we got together its been a roller coaster, he drives me to the wall makes me soo mad.

I almost cheated once

...

make that more than once.

"Ive missed you babe, you know all I want to hear is those sounds you make when you come for me"

All I want to hear as well is him telling me he just wants to make me come, ask me if it is good for me, "can you feel that? Can you feel me?" like a freaking sledge hammer is wedged into me hell ye!...damn sex with him is off the hook

problem is...he's not man enough for me.

He is just not it.

no disrespect, he's got it going for him, nice job, car, house, almost everything a girl would want in a man and stick in there for but me?

He's not IT

am I asking for too much?

I hate fighting with him but somehow he always makes sure we are having an argument (that how I ended up almost cheating on him) he always tries to start a fight and blows everything outta prorportion.

fuck him!

well I do that already dont I?

"Come here" he says to me I walk to him knowing he has evil intentions towards me he grabs my ass, spanks me hard...

his fingers on my bare cheeks through my shorts, pulls at my g string, I hear the rip before I feel it, once a string, now pieces of rope, he just tore my panties off...Bastard!

My boobs fill his hands he's sucking, nibbling, biting, I'm horny as fuck, I need him to fork me NOW!

"Fork me T, do it, hurry!"

"you want it dont you?"

what a mumu question

he feeds me his lollipop instead,

"choke on it"

I oblige

"turn over, close your eyes"

the first thrust and I fall over, he is ramming into me, fucking piston, I can help it, I don't exactly care there's people in the house at the moment, Im making some horrible noises, i cant recollect half of what I was saying but I am positive "fuck me" was a part of it.

He turns me over and soon enough I'm spread open he is fucking me with abandon, how the hell does he do it? every time he goes in there, he be hittin on my womb. I don't understand the position we are in, all I know is he is ploughing me like a fucking drilling machine

"Im going to come" he says, immediately I stop moving, in my mind I'm thinking for where, you dey crase, I'm not even there yet and you want to come? oloshi

"please dont, wait for me T please'

"girl comon, I cant help it"

"yes you can"

and he did.

he keeps at it, by now he got one leg on his shoulder, the other on the wall, bastard still be hittin on my insides, dont he know it hurts?

"let me ride you"

I get off'a him and look at his dick, its covered in juices, PLENTY of it, dayyum Im horny

"turn around, lemme look at your ass while you ride me"

I grab his joystick and slide it into me, somhow somin Im doin is makin him go crazy and shit, I turn around, he had better be sucking on the twins right now, I grab and squeeze him with my insides, my walls are milking him, my eyes dilated, I couldnt help it now, I felt it coming

thunderous

hurricane'ish

Tsunami'ish

massive

"Im coming!"

I shudder like an old engine about to knock, I'm shaking uncontrollably, I cant help it, cant hold back,consumed totally by my climax, temporarily in hibernate mode, all I cant think of right now is catching my breath, I forget, he is not done with me yet, he's moving my ass over his deeck by himself, Im still trying to breathe, he pushes me on my back and he's doing the grand prix in me.

fucker! come quick before you do some major harm.

"Im going to come"

hurry up and come jo idiot! lol

"come for me baby"

"say it, tell me to come inside you"

"come inside, come in me come in my *(&%^&$%^&*&%%%%%********** (too perverted to write)"

He came

rolled over

Im still tryin to catch my breath

why does sex with him have to be this good?


While I was away there was a blogsville idols, it hurt to know I was voted in just one category and I lost to BAroque?

irrespective I appreciate being nominated thank you very much and I congratulate you B on your fire in your pants award. just outta curiosity did anyone vote for me?

irrellevant.

on a flip, Im in some measure of deep shit guys

I got a man I don't want to be with anymore

I got another man I been stringing along telling I'm going to fork him when I know full well, its never going to happen

I want to be back with my ex boyfriend like crazy


with all this drama why the hell dem no go call me Chairlady?

I Missed Y'all

Although some 2 years or so late,

I Obeyed the Clarion Call

to serve Nigeria is definitely by force

I represented at camp, Badderchic...

I refused to join those stupid ass people who shagged in the field, what rubbish, If I'maa do it standing, I would rather do it with style abi? not with insects crawling up ma juicy ass

plenty suffer

plenty soldiers

plenty waka

plenty vexing

Plenty winches

under the sun AND in the rain

horny as hell

nearest shag was thousands of miles away

was constantly too tired to think about a 'do it yourself'

50 50 hunches

roll in the mud

a crush who is getting married in 3 weeks (DAYYUM!)

Otondo

Wawa

Theophilus

Mumu

SIR YES SIR!

Woman no fit piss for bottle

corper wey marry corper go born monkey

sucking the breast of philomena...

aids no dey show for face

Nebucadnezer with im belle

e begin waka waka waka

Kilimanjaro we must go...

uneducated soldiers chasing me with whips... one in particular my future gateman by the grace of God so I can send him to buy me Always sanitary pad.

I missed y'all

... I missed Baroque. lol

camp is over

I'm back in one piece.



I need to go get laid!

Off for a bit...

No I'm NOT leaving Blogsville,

just going on a trip, albeit late its better now than never.

Off to some Eastern state for NYSC.

I have been told to learn the words for Cutlass, Kill and Soup so once I hear those words... I RUN! I have heard they eat people in some parts...Bullocks they just trying to scare my juicy ass.

I am scared this is my first time (Im kinda a Gidi chic thru and thru) but still open for the adventure

Feel free to still drop your comments even if you don't see them immediately as the Dam of comments burst forth when I return in three weeks.

I miss you guys Already!

My flight is in the morning e gbadura fun mi o!

p.s

I promise not to do anything illegal or disgusting in camp.

await my stories y'all!

PEACE!