Story story...

Stooory! Last week friday was a blast! but before I go on, I have to say THANK you to all you blog citizens for showing me much love, thank you for making me feel so accepted. roll call? abegi u know yourselves moreover u have to pay for advert space. lol

Update on Eno?

Yoruba people say "the talk that we have said the father should not hear, it is the father that will sort it out" hope I got that right. anyways mf is some lucky chic, somehow, there is absolutely noting for her to be afraid of anymore, I mean ehn that binsh has got to be one of the luckiest on the face of the earth. well the problem is not completely solved but, its not so much of a problem anymore. Eno is still on her case like flies on shit but ehn, Eno no get mouth again o! well na me somehow somehow cause the wahala. I actually assumed my blog was soo anonymous, (hence my extreme jaboing, casting, gbeborunin, ofofofoing, general inability to keep jist to myself) I dont tell people about it except we tight like that and even those I told and gave the address e.g my cousin josephine? she says she's too busy to read it. so im feeling sexy with myself abi? wroooong. apparently another friend of ours lets call him Mike (jackass like u, u know yourself) reads my blog, he ends up discussing it with mf's boyfie over a table where Udeme happened to have been present, only God knows how their jist got there but ehn, boyfie put two and two together and tried a bit of psychology on mf, mugun that she is she erupted and started spilling like oil from a rig. (I swear mf na mugun) if na me ehn, i will deny till thy kingdom come. so sha sha the guy sef don they suspect her, says she had been hoarding her fone, stepping out to recieve calls, turning off the phone when they were together, being apprehensive, shaky, jittery et al. only for him to find out it was a girl she was with. Was he mad? Did he leave her? na that would have been conventional.

Well to cut long story short, he formed anger, told her it had to be he was doing something wrong, wasnt paying her enough attention, he coudnt have her cheating on him, they had to sort it out. How? Agbaya took her to his and forked her one million ways till sunday!

HA! my kind of guy. (my bad I know its mfs guy but ehn...I speak my mind) I just noticed sey all weekend mf no call or show, na so sunday afternoon she call me with her voice like sey she just got back from Iraqi. whispering like a tif.

mf- "bad...I no know whether to call u oloshi or to say thank you, this guy wan kill me o! I tell am sey I tire, in tell me sey i never see anything, just dey do me anyhow since friday night." (binsh like she wasnt enjoying herself)

me- AHH! u no close shop?

mf- the mo fo went to palms and bought jelly o!

me- kilon je be? (im thinking jell-o here)

mf- ode ky jelly, lubricant!

me- YEEEE! se pe they sell that tin in naija? how much?

mf- e no go better for u, na wetin u suppose say be that?

me- ha! sorry o! okay call eno to join now, i don talk better now?

mf- binsh. gotta go, he's coming.

me- Already? lol she hangs up.

So I kinda kobalised her and well she got it good atleast the guy was decent enuff to be understanding. So bloggers three cheers for Mr mf!

Speaking of the Mr's well you know how they say you go looking fo something in Sokoto when it is right there in your Sokoto? will keep u posted on that!

So Last week Friday was bunz it was "it takes 2" a new reality show coming up soon. with similarities to dancing with the stars this show has got to be one of the best things to hit the airwaves since forever. 10 celebrities, 10 pro dancers. roll call
Tara Fela Durotoye (house of tara)
Mr Nigeria (Brian sometin)
Former miss Nigeria Omowunmi Akin...
Sound Sultan
Kunle Afolayan (u know him from Irapada)
Zizi Cardow
Nomoreloss
Funlola Aofiyebi
Omotola Jalade and last but not the least
PASUMA WONDER

it was the bomb, live studio audience and yadi yadi ya. I think ill blog on it later (maybe) as in the only person wey dey trip me pass na Paso, you should have seen him in a tux dancing the Rumba. sheet thats one fuji guy with alot of class.

Anyways with me making myself happy and all the 'guy' from my previous post I saw that day. well its like this, I happen to be related to one of the celebrities aforementioned (not paso) and he was just there chilling in his Planet one hotel room, I go down there cuz Im bored as hell anyways, might as well be early for the show. Ironically 'He' called, lets call him Dele now.

Anyways, I tell him Im at planet one, drop by after work if u can, would be cool to see. so he shows up after work, looking sexy as hell, I go down to the lobby to pick him up, so back to the so so sexy planet 1 hotel room. somehow somehow everyone left the room for the show and we was here alone, I dont think Ive ever been that hot in the cold. with ac from different angles I was heating, see correct setting, sound proof everything, sexy bed, bath, living room, how the fork do you want it? I cant deny me I had eeveel intentions towards the guy o!
I had had like 10 serious premonitions as to how we had collided, discarded and combined but all na dream o! trust me and my big mouth, I told him o! you know I want you and yadi yadi ya! I even gawked that day sef, I should have spiced his drink lol.

Anyways, we had a couple of conversations, you know the weather, art, African magic, Benson and Hedges, he couldnt stay I walked him to his car, kissed him on his cheek, told him " I love you" and walked back in. End of story. when cloth does not fit, move on and look for your size. lol

By the way Dele, since u now have my blog add anyways, feel free to drop a comment.

Ehen what else? me I dont know but for those who want Eno's no *wink wink* holla at ya girl.

Yawa for my friend.

My friend (mf for short) is in serious trouble, it has to do with a girl. aaahhhhh!

mf has turned James Bond, avoiding the girl like yahoo yahoo boys avoid dem EFCC, mf has to turn off all phones; celtel o! mtn, glo, mts, starcomms (haba how many fone for one person?) even the land line in mf's house has been computerised to say "mf is not aound please dont try later".

Apparantly (dem say dem say na so mf take tell me) it was a cold wednesday evening mf was in a room with Eno, nice teets, sexy, horny as hell. somehow somehow mf gets her naked and they start to do the preliminary to d main d main thing.
I asked mf why not d main d main?
mf says "because i am not a painter"
So the story goes ( i still dont believe it is the full story, something must have been left out) they were there just talking o! harmless talk only that it turned to something else, you fit do, you no fit do turn to kizzing, turn to strippin. Mf is good, knows what to say and how to say it, mf takes off Eno's bra and sucks on her buttons, tugs a bit, licks and laps...bites then licks again just the way girls like it. Eno grabs mf's head and starts to kiss like she left somthing in mf's throat (mfs words not mine) mf pulls her head back and spanks her, tells her to show some respect, Eno likes it, Eno is panting asking to be touched, Mf bliges...spanks...rubs...kisses...tugs...kisses...talks dirty...spanks...kisses...Eno comes....
I asked mf "didnt YOU come?"
mf answers "I came ages before her"

Mf is now in serious trouble o! avoiding Eno like a plague, why? Eno wants more! Eno has proffessed love, warned mf not to hurt her, cheat on her, Eno calls mf at odd hours to say "im horny", i need to be ... CENSORED!

mf is in a serious relationship, is getting married pretty soon, mf didnt even have sex with Eno, all they did was the preliminaries. ( i believe that one I've listened in on one of mfs conversations" mf wants to know what to do...enter me confidant.


me I dont know o! this na new territory for me, how mf? how could you cheat on your partner? how could you do whatever it is you did with Eno? me I dont know what you are going to do o! if I say continue avoiding the girl d question "for how long?" comes up. tell her? according to you she's a warrior.
hmmmm I sigh. well mf the best solution I can think of is tell your boyfriend and maybe y'all can have a minaj ( thats me being wicked sorry) as i was saying...STOP BINSH!

did you say boyfriend?

yep I did.

how? is mf gay?

no no mf is not gay or is mf gay? wo me i dont know jare all i know is mf does have a boyfriend, mf loves boyfie, boyfie loves mf aint that the way its supposed to be? i mean mf is gettin married to boyfie and they plan to have kids...(BOYFRIEND MUST NOT FIND OUT!)

Hellooo? why are we going Chuck and Larry here? Elton John and who knows? Bobby and Elvis?
What are you talking about? more like Ellen, Rosie and Nike

DUH! mf is a girl, she did some girl on girl action (see what too much mojo has caused) which in my opinion makes it complicated.

I dont know what she was thinking but now she running from another girl. she keeps asking me "badderchic wetin i go do now? na u bad now."

ye righ' na me do girl? but in the spirit of helping your neighbour out of a jam...

guys...help!

Ubong any ideas? wave? ugo? fineboy? port harcourt?

36? idemmilli? laide? yosh? overwhelmed? omo? princess?

Anyone?

help?

Even More.

An extra 5.

1. The Guardian a couple of days ago, reported the shooting of yet another civilian guess who done it? a trigger happy cop! Darn! not again. yould think that by now that sheet would have stopped. well guess what? it hasnt. and im wondering when are these mofo's gonna get their priorities right? refferin to my previous post i read some article not quite sure if twas the same but they quoted some rep of the police force disclaiming that they never arrested ladies on the grounds of indescent dressing (ye right) they were actually arrested in relation with criminal activities...riiight! So BBC must have reported crap cuz me knows i read their article well who would i rather believe a (crooked) cop or the BBC (im thinkin...) so i understand him trying to defend himself but then he forks it all up and says well when they (d cops) arrested street urchins noone said anything but once they arrest women we all shout! so Mr cop, my question is how are we supposed to talk when (that is if) you arrest street urchins? is u retarded? thats like saying ill complain that u made the streets safer for me to walk on.

2. On the subject of street urchins popularly known as Agberos they are constantly coming up with somin new. the best part is only in Lagos! upsettingly many of us carry our faces and think wetin concern me? i mean i once saw Agberos harrass a guy for 200 bucks. his crime? he parked his car and refused to pay them 'their' money.
wow na dia papa build road abi? and becos d guy was butter he fell for their tactics and gave them 200 bucks. ah! over my dead body. trust yours truly, i took down the glass and put my mouth. wetin i talk?

(in yoruba, its usually sweeter) "you have collected d money oya now go and use it to build a house or better still buy a car...animal"

let me guess you'll say wetin concern me, why talk to an Agbero? why bother? let me tell u a lil story.

The laundary guy came over as is his usual practice and we realise Water coop has decided to 'take water away' for some reason best known to them, so i ask hyginus d security guy to go get me one of those mallams that sell 25litre kegs of water.
"ask him to offload 10. "
now i understand a keg is 20 bucks which means i give d guy 200bucks abi? till they come to tell me the guy is asking for an additional 100bucks, i go downstairs in my typical omo yoruba, amazon like manner

"if u no take 20 naira" i say "then take your water and go" (ye right, how do u take back water you done pouring?

Hyginus "madam, no min dem na so dem dey do, when dem see big big house dem go wan put money join" "aunty na 20 naira" d laundary guy and driver say.

im hell bent on havin it my way till the mallam speaks...

"walahi na twenty naira we dey kollet bepor bepor but those feful dem dey kollet moni por our hand"

"what people?" i ask, the driver helps me out here. The Agberos! apparently, agberos collect money for just about anything in Lagos. theres money for parking, meruwas, driving, going past one way roads, garbage guys, heck there soon enough will be money for breathing in air. we forget we all are part of the circle of life, when we turn a blind eye what they do to these Meruwas affect u and i. you dont believe me? who paid the extra 100bucks?

3. Lunatics, mad people, mentally unbalanced in other words were's. isnt it funny that Lagos is one place where we walk past these people unperturbed? children even take out time to laugh at these people, ye they are people. inspite of the fact that there are psychatric hospitals at Yaba and Oshodi (i found that out accidentally) they still roam the streets. whats disgusting? Me seeing a stark naked Were obviously just done having a shit, using sand from the walkway as toilet paper!

4. How is it possible that we walk/drive by corpses unperturbed?

5. When do you reckon they'll start treating the Niger-Delta region with more respect? i reckon if they treated these people right, gave them the neccessary attention/amenities there wont be so much violence going on. wanna know whose side to be on? Check out pictures on Corbis.

Only God will save us.

I notice my blog is becomin less mischeivious. dont worry will b back soon just need to tackle these issues first.

Holla at ya girl!