My personal people first things first, Make una no vex, time no too dey my side.
wrapping up on stuff, CPB don turn crase, she has been showing up unexpectedly, letting herself in while my guy is asleep, tried raping him a couple of times, asked people to please excuse them so they can fork, cooking my guy food, walking in and making herself comfortable kinda shit, yes o! she don turn stalker.
My guy is not such a nice guy though, he disses her every opportunity he gets, telling her how dense she is et al.
the girl go quiet, Call the next day saying she knows he didn't really mean all he said yesterday and she forgives him. WAHALA!
when we finally bounce her I go let una know. lol
On a thankful side, GOD did the biggest for me a couple of days ago. I thank him for it. make una join me thank Baba J o! as in he fulfilled my innermost desire and fought for me when humans tried to pull me down. truly, who God has blessed no man can curse. I asked for 10 things, I have gotten two don't mean I wont dance like David Danced. (no its nothing you are thinking, I haven't been proposed to don't ask what Just thank him for me.)
When it comes to Man, I have not been totally honest with yall, okay not dishonesty, just time. I just didn't have time to blog about him and before I could, he don hurt me waka.
That that don't kill me only makes me stronger abi?
We kinda hooked up real quick, (he used ogboju o!) he was everything I wanted and much more, one day a couple of weeks later, he decided to get back with the ex. leaving me feeling like I had just been duped,419ed S'all gud ainnit? I hurt but I was alright, my question remains though
"why the hell did you now bother me in the first place?"
God bless him for making hurt.
I hung out with Ade from a couple of posts ago, Harmless flirting, remember him? well apparently just ex boyfie saw us, was at the same place as we us, I didn't see him, he had his fill watching us. funnily enough all the while I was with Ade I kept thinking about just ex boyfie can you imagine?
He calls me that night number blocked and tries to form activity, I hung up. he called back and tried to apologize, I wasn't listening, the next day, I called him and cursed him well, "Fuck you Fuck you and Fuck you" I say, truth is I'm usually quiet when it comes to man issue and his wahala so that was shocking for him I guess, he wants us to hook up so we can 'talk' as no be phone jist.
NO! I say
'you dont have a choice' he says
"Yes I do"
"okay you do, just please lets talk"
I want to yet I don't want to. I miss him soo bad yet he was the one who hurt me. na wa o!
ke sera sera.
Okay for Christmas, I want Baroque on a platter...Maybe not.
for Christmas, I would please like a new laptop. God will do am.
I also want to love and be loved.
finally I would like a MAN to fork my brains out. ouch did I say that? well I no sabi lie, twould be nice if a man who loved me actually did, it would be more than nice....
Maybe I should just stick to wanting a laptop.
Merry Christmas peoples, I love you guys!
I cant express myself saying it exactly as it is?
Who says I should live my life scared?
If GODb4mi...Wu u fit b?
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
My personal people first things first, Make una no vex, time no too dey my side.
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Now I had to wait for permission to be able to blog about this...and Now I can,
I also had to travel a distance to get this jist first hand, the things I do for gbeborun. lol. enjoy.
My friend has been single for some time now well not exactly single, miss wifey has been in Jand for a bit leaving Mr Brother all hard and dry and in need of a good good lay, well he sure has been singing it into our ears for a while now such that we started to pray he find someone just as horny as he was, well our prayers were answered or where they?
You see, Mr Bro works in a bank, so this particular day, this 'customer' comes searching for a colleague, Mr Bro with his eyes filled with spermatozoa claims to have seen nothing but her booty, well long and short Mr Colleague passes Crazy psychotic bitch henceforth CPB to Mr Bro. ho ho ho merry Christmas!
Well he calls her up last Saturday morning, just for small talk by 6.30 shes in Lekki on her way to his crib 7.30 they are watching Prison Break already...8.30 she hungry fine no shakings lets go grab some food...
she drops her Bag behind...hmmm?
Drive to the eatery, she orders Take away...hmmmm?
Drive Back to his place, 10.30 already aint no way bitch (his words not mine) is going home tonight. mind y'all Mr Bro is still blind in the eye abi?
okay so she eating, he watching P break, they having a conversation when all of a sudden she leans in and kisses him.
"what the hell was that for"? he asks
"Just saying thank you is all"
"Bitch all I bought was rice, if I threw in a burger, what would you give me?"
she done eating in a bit and then they start some real real rough play when suddenly...
She putting up resistance
we shouldn't be doing this, I don't want to get hurt,I just broke up with my boyfriend, I don't want this yet.
Bitch please, you knew you was going to get laid thats why you dropped your purse and didnt go home. alright Im not in d mood for this, what side of the Bed you want? fine
GBAM! My guy crashes. I'm too old for this bull shit he's thinking.
My guy says at about 2ish, he feels Junior start to stir. eyes open CPB in her birthday suit, jacking him off .
"Wait a minute, thought you said you didn't want this..."
"Well Just for tonight, I want to feel loved, just tonight, I always do the right things, Just tonight, i want to be bad"
"Well Bitch I dont care if you want to be Micheal Jackson, GET OVER HERE"
with some mortal Kombat moves...
He fucked her with reckless abandon
his words not mine.
She cried, he wasn't even listening "wait" he didn't "take it easy" he didn't "please don't stop!" he didn't
"Bad, it was for me, all for me, I didn't care if she came or not, I just needed mine, the girl was talking bullshit, I couldn't care less...I forked her!"
I felt bad for the girl until I heard the rest of the jist.
Well that session ended and he crashed, morning came time to look at the girl better...ewww! DISCHARGE TIME only she wasn't leaving.
So he is on his laptop waiting for girl to go take a bath and bounce when she comes and grabs his deeck
" Last night was for you, this is mine" she proceeds to forking him but my guy na bad guy, he no gree starts to deal with with her again, dayyum she ugly...TURN AROUND girl (Im told that works all the time) so he's hitting it form the back till she yells
"TELL ME YOU LOVE ME"
"Bad talk about a deeck going soft, I lost it meen, it just shriveled meen"
so he uses everything but his deeck, bitch come and come and go...
she came, once, twice, the third time, he puts his deeck back in and she comes the fourth time (Bravo bravo bravo!) he feels like givving himself a apt on the back only problem is she aint leaving after that...that amaaazzing fork.
My guy says she swept his WHOLE apartment, dusted, did the dishes, carried FOUR 25 litres kegs of water effortlessly from DOWNSTAIRS...
Made him Fork her yet again...in the shower!
the phone calls were crazy.
"Bad where you dey? I beg you dey come my house now now! I need help o!"
I couldn't make it. somehow somehow with the help of another friend of ours he got rid of CPB.
you would think thats the end of the story, Na lie!
Im tired jo
Wash out for part 2!
Monday, 1 December 2008
"you are only crazy about the cunning linguist because you havent met me"
this was waiting patiently for my approval, stupid boy that Kayshawn, making mouth virtually. lol
would I like to meet another blogger?
honestly I really dunno. ironically I have had but a bad experience with a blogger, its just one blogger Im not in touch with after having met, not mine fault guys not mine at all.
Okay someone asked where Ozaveshe is on my page, the boy hasnt come to comment so as to make the story sweet. well in his words, the cunning linguist is carefully thinking on what to write, well while he is thinking, I have written another post. lol
Oza and I are slowly building our friendship, he really is a very good friend to have, and I really am lucky to have him as a friend and vice versa, unfortunately, well for those who got popcorn waiting to see a love story unfold and fortunately for you Bumight who wants him for herself, we that is Oza and I are gravitating towards an extremely platonic friendship/relationship dont get it twisted he really is all that and a bag of chips and we all know I am hot while you are not lol but really, I see us as extremely good friends, which is what we seem to be, what we are getting at.
there are some people you respect too much to want to spoil it all with sex, well Oza is one of em, its been what? 3weeks? but ehn even I dont understand it our level of friendship .
so if you want Oza? see me, I fit to organise the sometin.
Im sure Baroque would be happy reading this, cuz I know he wants me scratch that needs me hehehehe
Kayshawn. wait your turn and join the queue jo! lol
Happy new month peoples, I miss yall loads, especially Mz Dee.
like Geisha said...On the first day of christmas....
Posted by badderchic at 14:08
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
I hereby declare that bloggers should start acting with sense and hooking up with female bloggers!
this is totally unfair!
how dare you be good looking and not tell us single sister bloggers? for the record I AM NOT YOUR SISTER.
unless ofcourse you are Naapali.
Okay shall I stop ranting and raving already you ask?
I met this really cute guy yesterday, trust me sharp girl wey no dey carry last I don fall in quick quick, as a sharp gal, start to dey follow the boy talk phonee, all the English wey dey my mouth. and as Rkelly talk am, Im a flirt!
ol boy, one Man dey wait me for left, another dey wait me for right, but noooo who was this cuuuute guy in blue, my fafrite color like Suliat said.
We talk for a bit, I have to go and I tell him as much.
ME: So its about time we ended the conversation
Him: okay guess we see some other time
Me: they didnt teach you well, if they taught you well you would have known that I meant lets continue this conversation in a bit?
Him: o! okay let me give you my card
Me: and mine
Him: lets go to my car to get my card
me: why dont you go get it so I get mine out as well.
he goes to his car, I wish I could say I go to mine but I just walked to my friends car to get my card out of my bag.
at that time, I had forgotten ALL OTHERS! may God forgive me my sins that are many, especially the sins of the flesh.
the boy was fyne! as in sexy with sexy shirt, eyes, voice, smile whats more, he seemed to be digging me. like my friend will say, May I not carry Last AMIN!
na so the boy come back o, we exchanged cards, he bounced, I did too. end of story or so I thought.
I got home and looked at the card... Tom OZAVESH smith...
what were the odds that...
e gba mi ooooooooooo!
could it be?.........
I picked up my fone sharp sharp
"Are you home yet?""I ask him
who is this he asks me
you were supposed to have been on your way home from spot x
okay I have a question for you...
Are you a blogger?
Are you the cunning linguist?
Are you a blogger he asks me
who are you?
Im not telling I say
needless to say at the end of the night, the boy found out I was the one and only Badderchic. sadly too cuz now he doesnt respect me anymore he has seen my yansh finish. lol
"eeeeeeeeeeee you were now making me talk plenty plenty english, If I had known it was you badderchic, I for no bother, all those things you wrote, did they really happen? ah! you are a bad girl..."and so the talk went on.
you male bloggers are wicked people, yes I said it. especially you the cunning linguist you are very very very wicked.
HOW DARE you be fine, single and sexy as fuck, and you dont think to be toasting female bloggers ehn? we are from different walks of life yet we are all so close, you know wussup and you are still forming?
tunda faya all of you!
the girls are vexing!
which kin boolsit is tis? Enigma fine but engaged okay no problem, Fineboyagbero fine but monkey, okay no problem, charizard Im older than you so gerraway! but Cunning linguist? NImmo, Jaja, Porter, Baroque, Jaguda the other male bloggers all of you RUBBISH!
I told you last night, Im saying it again, you are the one I have been waiting for you see all those other boys I blogged about well, that was just me being creative, they were all a figment of my imagination ( GOd will forgive me ) sweetheart I know you have seen my yansh finish but truth be told, I have equally seen yours. dont form for me o! because you told me last night that it has teyed that you have been shadowing me, scoping me, you were wondering why you hadnt just stepped since, you see if you had acted sharply alot of those previous posts wouldnt have come to life but it is alright, you can make it up to me, what did we say now? Brunch?
Cunning linguist, because you and I have have been virtual friends I will do you the favour of not making you join the queue, you have special reservations, what do you say cutie? you game?
what is it with me and all these bois sef? I like the soap i have been using to baf o!
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Well thats what I thought it was...harmless flirting.
Ive known him a couple of months
I have always flirted with him, even with a guy by mine side and a girl by his.
I really dont...didnt care.
Out for drinks at this spot one evening, with a lot of pips, I went into the bathroom, it was huge, first thing that came to mind, 'twould be nice to do somin naughty in here'
He was the first person I saw as I stepped out, wow Ade, that bathroom is huge, corridor then bathrooms, away from the world, I could snog in there.
"lets see" he said we went in
"lets snog" he said... I ran!
harmless flirting I said it was, well I thought it was
somehow, there was conflict with a mutual friend, we got thrown together, we worked together, it got sorted, I realized I had the hots for him, he had realised earlier than me.
whats with me and all this bois sef?
I just got rid of Baldy, annoying with all his rubbish talk, I just got rid of the crush as well, disgusting the way he handled it when I told him I liked him, acted like a real pisshead.
Ade and I laughed over Crush, nope didnt tell him bout baldy.
harmless flirting we said.
He picks me from work, we are going to meet mutual friend, on the way we fight, slap, fight some more, hit, sulk...actually I did all that
"stop Im driving" he says
"apologise" I say
"for what?" he laughs
I slap him some more, its an estate so its aiight to play while driving, he's going slow anyways.
"I hate you" I tell him
" no you dont" he says
I sulk for about 10 mins
" Okay sorry" he says
"say it like you mean it"
"I mean it"
"accepted" I say, I move to kiss him on his cheek, he gives me his lips
what is it with me and these boys I wonder
I act as though I didnt notice, kiss him on the cheek he says someting seemingly foolish again, I hit his hand he holds onto mine hands, no one is holding the steering. I take over, he works the pedals, I work the wheel. to our destination.
"that was fun" I say
"you are fun" he says
there for a bit, time to go, outside, waiting for mutual friend, he holds my face, says,
"Im going to come 80% why dont you do the 20"...
his lips taste like pistachio and chocolate, my fav flavors, his lips, so succulent, makes me want more.
I have the hots for him, he does for me too. his longer than mind if I might add, he knew I had a crush on crush, he had the hots for me even then.
I don't want to date him, I cant, too many mutual friends, too many questions
we have the hots for each other though.
so we are going to keep kissing.
How long is this one going to last I wonder
what is it with me and these boys sef?
Harmless flirting indeed.
My peoples Im going to try update at least once every 2wks, busy busy busy. guys please refer to Jeremy's Blog for updates on the Uzoma Okere issue, Ive decided to Volunteer, Im going to help fight injustice, who's with me?
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
So Invisible Inspired this.
I cant exactly stand the reccession in blogsville either, whats happnin to us guys?
you need to read invisibles post its hilarious. makes me wanna say;
My friends had been goin on and on about some strip clubs in gidi, I had never been and being a gbeborun, inquisitive somebody I had been making noise in their ears about how I wanted to follow, why didnt they take me before?
That particular friday we had a gig to be at but got bored early into it. I was sooo mad as in after getting dressed to go out the tin don dey dull like that kin 12. the next thing was to go home and sleep abi? naw! my boys had a better idea.
So we get there and Im the only girl with like 5 boys, luckily as usual Im all dressed up like one of em so nothing like anyone mistaking me for a hustler...or so I thought.
We pay to get in and almost immediately Im engulfed by all the smoke, that place was darn hot, too may people in one room, suffocating.
it must have been the suffocation that made me want to pee cuz I had to go and I had to go fast. the toilet was descpicable but meen I have seen worse.
I get out and I cant find my boys ALL FIVE OF EM! AH! mo gbe. I whip out my phone and Im calling when this drunk ass,halitosis harborin, native and cap wearing, ugly as fork, cousin of Gollum bitch ass morafoka walks to me and tries to pull my arm, Ol boy me sef fear from the bad eye wey I give am, he's still trying to touch me, I muster ALL the phonee in my body to tell him that if he touches me, he will die. ol boy na so the guy start tell me sey im be counsellor for im constintuency as in ewwww what the fork! luckily for me, one of the boys came back to get me.
the show was eww, ,at that point two girls were supposed to be doing a 69 on stage with a dildo but it was ewww, they had no idea! they were faking it as in the expressions on their faces was dumb. ugly ass girls dey waka with white bra and pant talk sey na bikini, there was even one that looked 4 months to due date and had local tattoos of coconut trees on her stomach, I was distressed.
there was now one multiheterosexual, bisexual, monosexual girl there, ol boy the girl was sick! a customer, she was getting a lap dance from a stripper, slapping the asses of any stripper that dared walk past, getting her boobs sucked from the guy she came there with, putting her flashlight in the strippers ass, sucking another strippers boobs, it was a sight! at first I dey shy to look but I noticed one of my boys had turned his chair and was looking at them full, when I pulled him, he told me say na strip club, if dem no wan make person see them dem go do am for house.
like all that wasnt enough the idiotic Dj kept on playing Whitney's your love is my love and kept on going back on ''If tomorow was judgement day" odikwa very unfunny, I was thinking if rapture should come NOW, wetin I for talk? this place no worth am naa.
the coconut bearing girl now had one baba mufutau oko Iya basira look alike customer, following her up and down, as in they would go to the corner and he would proceed to squeezing the living day lights out of her breasts, the guy had this nackson look, it was disgusting. after the dance she would now wear her payint back right there and then. HA!
It was upsetting, that my first trip to a strip club woulda been such a disaster as in NOT ONE of the girls was fine, NOT ONE! mo fe le ma sunkun.
we left there disgusted as in even the guys were disgusted, straight home to sleep and try to block the omages from my mind.
potopoto, yanmayanma girls.
Posted by badderchic at 04:32
Thursday, 16 October 2008
My Personal peoples,
Blogsville, I don miss una gaaaan!
unfortunately I might not have beeg entirely honest...WAIT! dont take away my honest blogger award just yet.
I havent blogged in a bit not because I still been feeling the blues...nah! Ive been mad busy. Yes I have been feeling better just being too busy to blog as in belee that. By not bogging I just might have given you the impression I was still feeling down and thats not true. ema binu! lol
I am stunned, put up a post just becos of me? I waas feeling every inch of a princess. thank you for all em birthday wishes it was a blast guys, ill give you the jist a lil bit.
TRUTH BE TOLD...
I learnt a couple of years ago that when it comes to man and woman matter the best thing to do is MIND MY FORKING BUSINESS so guys I wonder...is this one of those times? errrrm HELL YE! theres so much to say, so little time by the way mz Dee I miss you o! you too invisible and Afro.
well the situation on ground is that...
Friend A and Friend B are my friends but they dont know each other. Ive known friend B longer but Im closer to friend A well, friend A tells me last week that she forked friend A's Brother in law. i.e Friend B's sisters husband. (she met the guy randomly)
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE DUNNIT honestly guys, like Mario I dont wanna know as in I cant start to imagine why but as for me and my house we shall mind our business. how the hell am I supposed to say it
"errm friend B, you know that my friend A? that Im always talking about? well she been balling your nephews daddy...hehehehe" olorun maje abi pples wat do you think?
on the other hand TRUTH BE TOLD why does sex have to be so complicated? is it so difficult to understand sometimes that I just wanna fork you?
I lost a good friend of mine just cuz we forked I mean, its not mine fault, he decided to take a walk, dunno wassup with him on the inside, he prob thinks Im gonna get clingy and sheet but dude "I just felt like it and you was there so we dunnit! does it have to be so complicated?"
TRUTH BE TOLD
I met baldy a couple of weeks ago, Lordy lordy lordy he soooooooooo sexy but erm...I just want to fork him. well that makes two of us! hehehehe
baldy starts to piss me off with the "we cant get emotional and sheet" sturvs even after we had agreed on our 'arrangement' trust me and my big mouth i told him
"baldy, I dont want to marry you, dayyum, I dont even want to be your girlfriend, I just want to fork you! is that sooooo difficult to comprehend?"
lol. I really did say it, over the phone, in front of my born again older cousin, i reckon her mouth stayed open for days. lol
TRUTH BE TOLD
there is someone I do want to date and get emotional with but errm you know how it is, I dey fear to tell am lol. I have desisted from keeping his number and I look forward to seeing him once every two weeks whenever I do a meet with our circle of friends, then I go all mushy and stuff ater which I forget him or at least try. lol
EWOOOOOOOOO from I dont have time to a semi long post lol. hope I have satisfied y'all, Im still reppin abi?
Bloggers All, I miss and love you guys and errm spread the word...
THE BAD'CHAIRLADY IS BACK!
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
For starters, I'm grateful for the calls, text messages and mails.
I'm grateful for the comments, the words of advice, I'm grateful for them all.
Last year, I sat in my room, the eve of my birthday, sad. midnight I started to cry as though I was an egbere (those mythical creatures that are said to crfy once you take their mats which supposedly supply wealth to the taker of the mat or somin of the sort) I cried till my eyes were bloodshot (take note Im not a crying person usually)
it seemed everything was wrong, all my plans, you know the ones that I made when I was sixteen? well they weren't going according to book, I wasn't married, didn't have no kid, my career wasn't where I wanted it to be couldn't afford a trip on my own, couldn't as much as do half the things I had thought I could do. My friend called, the one whom in my previous post I said has relocated? well he called and told me
"Bad, you be fool! wetin dey cry you? you never marry so?
you no get pikin so? ehn you no get the kin money wey you want and so diafore?
you dey hung? you no get cloth? okay you no get your own personal motor, you dey waka?no be cab you dey enter? your padis no dey carry you? I say you be fool.
na water plenty for ya eye, you no know wetin dey do you. needless to say I believed him and stopped crying but at the back of my mind I know what was going on there.
Happy Birthday to me I thought and wept some more.
later in the day I had a real reason to cry. you see last year I spent the day in a home in my neighbourhood, I saw children not up to a year old who didn't have hands, feet, who couldnt talk, crawl let alone stand, they had done nothing to no one yet they suffered so much so so much pain...I truly was a fool. babies whose mothers had discarded them like garbage, who hadnt been given a chance...I mean call me fool again.
me wey don fork fork fork, abuse abuse abuse, tif meat for pot, seduce man, coveted my neighbors convertible, said "I swear to God" me wey don lie "Im in London when i truly was in Osapa London, na so dem dey roam phone? me wey don fight my momsie tire, me who had said it wasnt me when truly it was, Me who had worked on the sabbath, place less important things before he who is all knowing, me wey dey watch people fight add salt and pepper join "EHN! did you hear what he said? if na me I go SLAP AM!" me the sinner.
God had blessed me in short over blessed me and yet I was still sad, everybody dont call me Timaya or badder call me fool!"
even as I sit in the same spot as I was last year, with the same situations as in I trip e be like say I'm in pause mode, even as I stay here wondering and getting close to tears again as to when stuff will move for me, I kneel and sing thank you Lord, I really am blessed beyond measure, I might not have it all but I have him!
My birthday comes a day after Naapali's, in exactly 10days, I am not excited as I used to be as a child but lord knows I am grateful, no matter what I face ESPECIALLY when trouble comes my way I will praise the lord.
So Naapali...all those are born in October, Stand up, Stand up!
Thursday, 25 September 2008
Dearest Doctor Naapali,
You always have been a deep person,
this is me writing...searching for advice, asking you to please tell me It will be okay.
okay I know it would be okay but...
I really am not myself,
I feel as though my life is in pause mode, I'm not moving forward, not moving backward...at least that's the way I feel.
Naapali, I'm losing my friends.
well not exactly,its not like they are dying or saying they don't want to be friends with me again or anything you see Ola is relocating to America this Saturday, we used to hang out alot.
friend of mine has returned to his home...IN ANOTHER STATE,we used to hang out alot too.
one of my closest aburos left home to go school in Jand, she hasnt even deemed it fit to call me...is she having that much fun? (we used to hang out alot 3)
I feel as though I'm about to lose friend no1. will we still hang out alot?
Al is my newest friend, he needs me to be his friend right now, I cannot afford to be weak.
But I am.
I read my Bible everyday, I pray to God for strength. I listened to Sam Adeyemi Preach, he is wonderful by the way. he said little that went a looong way. I believed...I believe, I have faith but I am still so weak.
tell me Doctor, what happens when you are not loved as you should, as you believe you should, as you want to?
I feel as though something is coming, anticipating it, I don't want to be dissapointed.
I'm hurting. I want to cry, I want to be held.
I need Jesus, I have him, but I want him some more. only him can save me now.
will money solve my problems? I don't think so I mean, I'm not entirely broke, moreover the best things in life are free ainnit?
Naapali, I have been busy, very busy working on a project, I'm not getting paid for it no but at least I don't get to think about God knows what it is I think about.
and when I'm working I actually smile. When I'm not working, when I'm alone, I am actually not smiling.
Smile down on me lord, I hate these times in my life, I really really do.
I didn't even respond to all the comments on my last post, (guys ema binu your comments used to make my day)
Doctor, perhaps I need to be quiet for a while, maybe I need to search deeper. Maybe alot of things.
peoples, I might not be doing my blog rounds but I will be approving my comments daily. Thank you for being there for me.
Dear Doctor, my blog family, friends...Me sef tire!
Saturday, 20 September 2008
I hate Facebook,
yet I spend the better part of my days there. it is soooo frustrating!
pictures, people having fun.
this one getting married, that one having a baby, the most unlikely people getting engaged...why not me? do they possess ori meji? (two heads)
honestly I am happy for them, really really am but wadafork! why d hell am I d one that puts up pictures of...shoes? okay I didn't quite do that, but I'm so close to.
OKay Mo says to thank God constantly, I do how can I not, baba loke is always on point but...ehn
I'm still hating facebook.
I don't mean to sound funny but blogsville is more the place for me, nobody is forming happy here, if you are happy, you are happy, if you are sad, then it is so, for that Fb ehn, e be like say I go go rent man. lol
I love blogsville and I love the people in it, even though I only know a handful one on one, I still love y'all. I feel like I known y'all forever.
thank you for my honesty award from Mz Dee and Ibiluv, I shock say na only 2 pple give me, norin do una I still love you.
I'm gonna do somin funny and pass my award to the unlikely pips so I hereby Tag...
1. Porter d Harcourt
2. Ubong Da Randy
5. Unshined Congo
6. Cally Waffy Babe
7. Baba Alaye
those days when I was unknown in blogsville and I used to get 7-8 comments...they came from you.
half of you have quit blogging but you still a part of the family.
I miss una gaaaan!
this has got to be my shortest post in a while.
Monday, 15 September 2008
"trying to sleep and wondering what to do with this hard on I get whenever I think of you,
wish I had your freshly washed poosy in my mouth with you kneeling on my face
with your legs spread out wide...me eating."
Laaro kutukutu Monday! actually, he prob sent the text last night but I turned my phone off hence gettin it this morning. Na wa o!
ordinarily, I would be excited
ordinarily my possy lips would twitch and spew forth liquids, so much I would need to wash off or/and change my panties "(and I soo hate washing off valuable poosy juice)
but nah, I looked at it, sighed and shut my phone, got better things t o do...like BLOG!
He's really nice and all but I'm incapable of feeling that or almost anything for him, what did you call me now Red Sapphire? Mushy? sorry. though I stripped the post (the tin wanted to finish my career), I know whats in My mind and it prob should have stayed there. Geisha SHARRAP! dont even breathe! lol.
I might have it misconstrued but I know for a fact that even if things do go as I have dared imagine (even for a split sec) God has his plans for us all and we go laff about all this in d future. in the mean time, I know I have a somebory that genuinely cares about me. end of story.
I THINK EVERYBODY WANTS TO FORK ME; well not exactly everybody but a whole lot of people do, guys and girls alike...DISGUSTING? riiight!
I mean,take txt guy for instance, at some point in my life I really liked him, problem is I don't feel that strongly about him. I have asked him to stop sendin em msgs but he's stubborn. I dont really mind cuz asides him bein silly we really are good friends so let him text all he wants, his bizness.
problem is, if somebody is sending me those? I want to feel all hot and bothered immediately, I want to feel as though I need to rush into the bathroom stick a massive dildo into myself or better still wait it out squirming in my seat waiting to close so I can rush over and seat on his face with my "freshly washed poosy" funny, I was prob taking a crap when he sent the text. eeeeeewwwwww.
seriously they wanna fork me, (must be my very sexy behind...riight!) I don't wanna fork them and the one I wanna fork? don't wanna fork me. aint that funny?
SBR was fun, Princessa, Exschnerd, Fineboi, Wummie, Mz zynic, Charizad, the two mystery bloggers, Musco you sef wey save the day follow me dance, you didnt know what you were in for now did you? and the others I no mention (no vex) you guys made the trip worth my while.
It was fun coding, I wasn't a blogger I had just followed my friend there despite the fact that I had my boobs on display and I was wearing the same necklace from my profile pic, (tho chari guessed right in the beginning) it was fun when I finally asked princessa for my tshirt and she went bonkers, it was so so fun dancing with two left legged fine boi and screaming with mystery blogger, it was loads of fun. thank you guys.
"Wondering what your ringtone would sound like, your legs on my shoulders, me buried deep within you, hitting that spot, you going crazy from me hitting your womb, I cant stop thinking about taking you from the back, hitting that beautiful arse of yours, reaching forward to squeeze on those sexy titties, dayum Im hard!"
Wetin consain me?
why the hell is this boi polluttin my phone with rubbish?
now if it was Jaja or Porter or Invisible (sorry thats my broda) or wavemasta's Straffe Okon or even My Tade, maybe then I for happy small but for now?
Thursday, 11 September 2008
I havent changed My mind...
how can I?
but I have changed my mind about what I say or in this case, write.
only God can save me now.
Sunday, 17 August 2008
This post is dedicated to Exschnerd, teddy bear and To Geisha My Baby
Honestly My post was supposed to be about something else entirely, truthfully I had written the wonderful story of how I met Enigma, how from day one we clicked over the phone, how he watches Top gear, my fav tv pro gramme, how he didn't know my real name for a long bit and decided to call me 'the stig' or badder, even after I had told him my name, he forgot and chose to call me badder.
This post was meant to be about how we discovered we had too much in common we just had to call ourselves twin bro and sis, how for a whole week I was glad I had found another long lost brother of mine over blogsville sheet, we thought the same way, things, we even spoke about the same porn sites he found it in a UK paper, mine friend told me about it.
This post was supposed to be about how I was sooooo crazy when we finally met,how he told me what a bullet was, all the laughs we had, talking about Ibiluv and Afrobabe, how I had to do Jamb lesson to figure out who his bro was. this post was supposed to be a lot of things.
but I fear it isn't.
A few minutes after meeting Enigma and his friend, his friend spilled the beans on me
"Are you not Mrs chic's daughter? " apparently Enigma's friends Grandma is my moms friend, turns out the guy know my momc WELL,goes to the same church as my moms- in turn he knows me too! he knows what I do, he's seen me at work lots of times.
"sebi you stay at *ville* sebi you drive one black car like this sometimes? I see you walking with your brother a lot of times, sebi you know this, sebi you know that"
I wanted to faint, I couldn't even form phantom. like that was not enough turns out Tboi, Enigmas friend used to date my cousin, thats the same girl Enigma posted about when he said he went to Ibadan with a friend ?(one of his previous posts) yes the girl is MY COUSIN freakin small world ye? like that was not enough, the groom walks in and we yarn have a few laughs I'm going through the engagement pictures and kazoom! another cousin of mine (yep I come from a very polygamous family)turns out the groom and that cuz are buddies hmmmm!
LIKE THAT WAS NOT ENOUGH! a bit later this guy another friend of the groom walks in guess what? I KNOW HIM "ha Badder wetin you dey do for here?"
me sef tire.
now in one day badder and Enigma from complete strangers do a full 360. in that one day everything was covered, my moms side of the family, my dads side, my work life everything exposed!
Theres alot of things I dont discuss in blogsville, cuz I figured some things are really private and easily traceable back to me, I dont talk about my weight maybe because it doesn't usually come up, it doesn't change who I am and frankly whats there to say? for the record yes I am one big sister, it don't make me any less sexier.
I don't talk about my best friend and how much I love him, how much I hate him, how much I think I cant live without him(she raisin her eye brow here and going who?) maybe cuz his sister is a blogger as well (gurl that boy loves you mad but he's just too stupid to show it) I don't talk about how much he infuriates me and his way of showing how much he loves me back is by making me mad and then asking "are you forming for me ehn?"
The blogger reunion thing is coming up soon, a part of me wants to rush to the bank and pay my 3k the other part of me is scared shitless, what is the reason for my anonymity then?
I'll be in Jand in a bit, Im dying to meet Afrobabe, fallin over to meet CWB, Im craving to meet Zephi but...
a part of me want to take the next flight to PH to meet Mz Dee and Porter, sometimes when I think of jaja, yosh I get tingly and excited when I think of Charizad I laugh stupid.
I met another blogger quite accidentally as well, added him on FB who were mutual friends? My cousin, My former boss, the guy I used to fuck, the man I love and the aunty that gets me to look after her kids. wow! what a combo!
I accidentally found another blogger well not well known in 'our' cicles, didnt see anyone I read or reads me on her page, I detest the blogger a whole lot hence removing the blurred picture of me, sure you like the picture of my boobs better?
Enigma is 6'1, dark dimpled okay looking, all about his fiancee, fashionable (boy can he dress?) I was so glad to have met my twin.
Will I do it ALL again?
I liked it better when we were just unknown bloggers, friends, confidants, no holds barred.
this post isnt all about sex shame to Sanchez who says I'm a fictional sex blogger, all I can blog about is Sex hmmm!
I'm on shaky ground here, to let go of my anonymity or not to?
Blogsville Blogsville I cant do without you guys.
Friday, 15 August 2008
Dedicated to my blogbroda Enigma, you know every.
and to Ms Dee, I really really appreciate you!
The front door opens, its Sunday morning, Tejumade walks in cautiously,still trying to have a defiant look on her face, the gate man comes in after her, oblivious of what is going on, he is carrying a large grocery bag, she had gone shopping.
Tade walks into the living room,
she halts in her tracks, she is cold all of a sudden, the kind of chill that comes from fear, she tries to shrug as tho to say
"do your worst" he looks at her with the look which seemed to be saying "O! I will"
"Longinus" Tade says
"we are not in, we have traveled"
"but oga, no be Oga and oga madam I dey look so? wuna dey na why you talk sey you don trafel?"
"Longinus, go get me Shina"
still rooted on the same spot, they look into each others eyes, a million words being passed through them both, yet everything is quiet.
"SIR!" he salutes
"Shina, we are not in, we have traveled for the weekend, better still for the week, nobody, I mean nobody gets in...or out of this compound, am I clear?"
the gate man and the subordinate leave the room.
Tade keeps looking at her as he walks towards her, past her to the door. he locks it and drops the key in his pocket, it was then she noticed the house was actually dark. All the blinds had been drawn, it was a Sunday morning yet looked like a friday evening
Tejumade knew she was in trouble, as though by reflex, she suddenly runs up the stairs if only she could make it to the room and lock herself in, she was willing to stay there for days if need be, she hears him chuckling as he walks up the stairs, she gets to their room, panting. she shuts the door and is about to lock it when she notices...the key is not there. 'Oh! no, he had removed the keys. she runs into the closet...same there, she turns quickly, hoping she still has time and is about to run out of the room when he strolls in- she stops. He shuts the door behind him and locks the door,takes the keys and the others out of his pocket and places them on a top shelf, there is no way in the world her hands can reach it without her grabbing a mini ladder...the Mini ladder was downstairs.
"so how was Tosin's" he says
"what makes you think I saw Tosin?"
"I married you didn't I? I know you! you have been sleeping girl, I can see it on your face, plus the only place you would go to is Tosin's, so how is she?"
"she is fine"
"great. have you had breakfast?"
"yes I have"
"good...interesting, your husband is hungry on EVERY level and you are well fed abi?"
he walks to the table, and then back to her
"by the way, your rings, and please try not to forget them again"
she is about to collect them but he takes her hand instead and places the rings on her fingers himself.
"you are welcome"
"take off my uniform"
"but I'm cold" she sulks
"not for long dear"
she takes it off, he is looking at her as though she was a prized mare about to be sold off.
"yesterday was a nice move you know, you had my deeck stretched out so far, it could have been a blanket did I say that? I meant it was a duvet"
he looks into her eyes and smiles
"I love you baby, if I came back to the world I would marry you over and over, what I did was wrong but what you did was worse ye?"
"there's no measuring what you did or I did so lets just forget about it, I mean, I forgive you so lets just move on"
"O but wife, that is not going to happen you know that, you don't do that to me and get away without any form of punishment right?"
"I mean, I got my punishment yesterday, its only fair you get yours today or at least for the rest of the week" his words hung in the air.
"get on the bed"
"but T, I dont think" she didnt have a chance to talk, he lifts her as though she weighed nothing and drops her on the bed, she tries to scramble off but he holds her by the leg and pulls her right back, he is chuckling
"coward, you are running?"
he peels off her jeans and places his fingers on her poosy lips, he holds them apart and buries his head between her thighs, she is struggling to get up, he firmly holds her thighs apart, she gets wetter by the second, he gets harder by the millisecond, he reaches for the drawer and retrieves one of the many 'treasures' he had placed there earlier, 'the bullet' he flicks the switch and places it against her clit, she starts to moan uncontrollably, she tries to move away but he holds her down, this is crazy! he slides a finger in and out of her, he makes it two, then three, by now she is beginning to lose it, his tongue joins in the torment, soon it is doing a 'tongue jump' over her engorged clit. up- down-up-down, she is losing it, she has lost it, she is thrashing all over the bed, her head is spinning
"Tade, I don't believe it, I'm going to, o shit. I'm going to....come!"
Tade stops abruptly, he takes his fingers out and looks at them, DARN! she was wet.
she was soaked, she was a bloody storm.
he pulls her off the bed, her words are incoherent, her legs shaky, he kisses her
"you like it babe?"
"hmmn hunn? what? ehn?"
he laughs walks over th the chair and sits in it, he turns on the tv and starts to watch.
Tj is about to run mad, there is no way she is going to let him do this to her, she rushes to the chair and mounts him, in an instant he grabs onto her ass cheek, all manner of forming evaporates, he needs her as much as she needs him. he is fully dressed, she isn't.one thing is for sure though they are both turned on like crazy,. she starts to grind herself against his deeck, she needs release and she needs it now! right now!
she kisses him then, shoves her tongue down his throat as though she wished it to come out at the back of his head, he kisses her back, hard and fast, she pulls off his shirt, she needs to feel his hardness against her softness, his length against her wetness, he holds on to her left boob and right ass cheek, darn he loves this woman like crazy. realisation sets in and he slows down
"baby, I'm sorry I hurt you nothing should make me do what I did, I shouldn't have..."
she stops his words with a deeper kiss, her words muffled against his mouth
"my love, I was so wrong, I nagged you. I pushed you to the wall, I know, I'm sorry too. but errm I have something that could make all that go away"
"trust me" he said looking at her "I already have what can making all that go away...what is making all of that go away"
he smiled mischievously she has an urge to be shy
"but I have something to tell you"
"wife, cant it wait?" he flicks his finger over her nipple, she closes her eyes in ecstasy, now she is lost
"ye-yeah, as long as hmmm, as long uhhhh, as long as you promise we can pick names for the baby when we are done"
he stops, shock, admiration, happiness, ecstasy, respect, love he is feeling all that plus more as he looks at her
his voice coarse
"yes, got the test results"
"three and half months, that kind of explains my crappy moods"
"but you still got your period"
"I'm told that happens sometimes
"okay, errm, shit, baby! I'm...oh lord..."
he kisses her then, slowly, rubbing her back, he kisses her eyes, neck, he licks her lips, Tj is loving it but she wants more, she gets off him and walks to the door, slips her feet into the heels she left there, this was necessary her husband is 6'1 she is 5'2 she needs the added advantage, she walks back to him and pulls him off the chair, Indiana Jones wasn't as interesting as the action they were about to create anyways, towards the wall, she helps him shed his jeans, holding on to his deeck, she has the urge to lick him, she does, but she wants more, her back against the wall, he knows what to do, he lifts her and she wraps her legs around his waist, slowly he slides into her, her heat swallowing his length, volcanic eruptions long awaiting his invasion. slowly his length goes in and out of her, he is driving her nuts
"Man yi, Im pregnant not disabled, fork me hard!"
"no babe, let me take you slow, I don't want to hurt you"
"you aren't going to"
she slides her legs lower and places pressure on her arms, now she is riding him, he is standing, she is going up and down on him, she places her leg on either side of the bed, her back still against tje wall, she could feel him, her screams are forthcoming, good thing they were alone in the house, even if they weren't who cares?
"lie down man yi"
he obliges her, she sits on him and takes his whole length in her, she is wet, there is the squishy sound, slurping, her lips eating him raw, he sits up and takes one nipple in his mouth, he bites gently then not too gently, if she wants it hard, she was going to get it hard, suddenly his hand meets against her ass cheek
he rubs on her to ease the pain, but this pain really was her pleasure she had once said, he spanked her again, she is riding as though it was the wild west, she was going faster, winding, grinding, rolling her waist, grinding some more.
"ohhhh fork me ride that deeck babe, its all yours"
"I know that and I'm going to treat it well"
she kisses him then and then with sudden speed she turns around on his deeck without separating from him, this girl is skilled and he loved it! now her ass is facing him, her hands holding on to his legs, her buttocks bouncing on him, he had died and gone to the next world!
no way in the world was he going to go down without a fight, without showing her who the husband is, he grabs her legs, soon enough they are beneath his arms, her lower body off the bed, her upper body holding on to the wood for dear life, his wood ploughing her for dearer life, this is crazy he is thinking, crazy crazy!
Tj's head was spinning, she couldn't help it anymore, her screams were tearing the air, she didn't care if the preacher heard her right now, didn't care one bit!
he lowered her legs and still inside her, he somehow pulls her to the side of the bed, she is looking dazed...good,
"hold on to the bed babe"
standing she is doubled over, his length is hitting her now,touching her cervix, again and again, he can feel her tremors, he can feel her starting to shake, now he slides in and stays in grinding himself against her with each thrust
"I'm going to come"
she screams then, her legs buckle, he holds her up, she is shaking, vibrating, coming hard, she is a train, full express come.
he isn't done yet
he turns her around and kisses her, then he places her back on the bed and enters her gently
"I want you to feel me!"
"I feel you already baby"
slowly now as though he wasn't the same steam engine from a minute ago, with every full length he looks into her eyes, slowly over and over and over and over, making love to her, soon he can feel her tightening again, she is insatiable, gradually he makes mad love to his wife, holding on to her for life, she is holding on to him for the same reasons
his eyes are misty, her name on his lips
he releases his essence into her, his come travels all the way in, she is still milking him, she holds on to him and then she feels it again
"Tade...T, baby, I'm coming again, hmmmmmmmmm!"
they look into each others eyes and then she licks her lips and says
"I want more"
"Tj, oo ni pa mi, you wont kill me" then he smiles "well, we are spending th whole week in Kenya arent we?"
he starts to kiss her again.
11 months later.
"Tade noow, stop it"
"why should I?"
"I'm trying to breastfeed thats why"
"ehn se you have forgotten that as your husband I am the original owner of your breasts?"
"Tade stop e jo"
"sha se kia, be quick, Im bursting here"
"I can see that"
" how much time to I have to wait? its 2.30 am I need my wife"
"as soon as Im done feeding these guys"
Tj smiles, later now he will call her a Tigress, but she really was one, the twins were only a couple months old and they were back at it like rabbits. her kids, Teni and Temi, her babies, the boy was beginning to look just like her, the girl was looking just like her too...okay okay they looked like their father so what?
"I love you, you know that"
"come and show me how much"
Tuesday, 12 August 2008
Dedicated to Zephs, Afro, Enigma and reluctantly Jaja. enjoi.
He hears the shower running, slowly he takes the stairs, what had he just done. what the hell had he just done? as he walks into the room,he hears the song from the speakers, Thicke's lost without you. he shakes his head. 'Tade you really are a bastard'
he braces himself, she would probably punch him, slap him, hit him, he didn't care, he just wanted to hold her in his arms and apologize. can you imagine, 1hr ago, she had been the one apologizing, now the tables had turned it was the other way round. expecting to see her sitting on the floor in the bath, he walks in to see her just rounding off her shower...
she ignores him, he deserves it.
she ignores him again, he so fucking deserves it!
"I shouldn't have done that"
she walks out.
"don't do that babe"
he follows her to the room, notices she has her clothes spread out on the bed.
"where you going to?"
she still ignores him.
he holds her, she tries to extricate herself, he doesn't budge, she starts to wrestle in his grasp, he is stubborn, she becomes limp.
breasts against bare chest, lower region against cotton, he starts to get hard, she can feel it, she likes it...he loves it.
Tade places his lips against hers, he probes, he finds, she returns.
*that wasn't half bad, not what I had expected*
she is kissing him back,fervently, soon enough she has taken over, she pushes him on the bed, and starts to kiss his chest,a lioness, she has conquered her prey, she trails it down to his stomach, his belly button, not slowly she pulls down his pants, and there it was...the gold-member, the object of her desire, that of his pain. she slides his deeck into her extremely hot mouth, he is a goner, he is lost, Robin seems to be playing again, whadafork is up with the shuffle?
'cant help myself, how does it feel?'
"feels so darn good babe, feels gooooooodddd"
"you like that don't you?" she asks
"aww babe" is all he could muster.
she crawls over him, still in her birthday suit and whispers into his ear
"I want to fork you dirrrty, are you up for it?"
*my wife is the biggest slut I know...and I love her for it*
"fork away babe"
she grabs his head and places it over her breasts, he doesn't need a map, he grabs the left breasts and squeezes like he is milking a cow, he licks the nipple, laps and pulls, bites then stuffs the whole darn tit into his mouth, its spilling, his mouth ain't that big but he can be greedy cant he? I mean she IS his wife.
"don't be partial dear, my titties are twins remember?"
he grabs the other and starts to bite on it, while he chews on that one, he milks the other, if it was possible, he would swallow it all.
"I want you babe, I want to fork you baaad"
"I determine what happens Tade, I say when you fork this poosy and when you don't and right now, I want you to eat this poosy, so eat me NOW!" his deeck gets harder
without saying anything else, she climbs over to the head of the bed and holds on to it, she places her hot hawt poosy over his face and says "feed on it" again his deeck gets harder
he doesn't need to be told twice, he buries his head into her poosy even as she grinds into his face, her aim is to suffocate him, his is to die in between the thighs of this woman.
his tongue in her, her dam emptying. "aww shit, shit shit" was all she could say he responded by grabbing her thighs, he flicks over her clit over and over again
"Stoooop!" she screams
he keeps going, over and over her clit, after every few flicks, he'll attempt to stuff his tongue in her hole, again, again, her eyes are hot, her feet seem as tho they are boiling, the hairs on her neck rise to the occasion
"shit, shit, shit, shit"
he is persistent.
she comes, a very orgasm, now she speaks gibberish. he's not concernred with taking it slow, he wants more, he wants it all, he wants it all now!
"catch your breath babe, sit on this guy, sit on him, I'm going to explode!"
she catches her breathe... then she whispers into his ears
"are you ready for me to fork you dirrtty?"
"hell yes babe"
she walks to closet, emerges almost immediately with two bandannas
"lie back darling, this one is on me"
the bandannas go round his wrist, then to the head post, securely she ties him just as he had taught her those many years ago, making sure both hands are secure,while she feels his deeck getting harder.
"how do you want this darling?" she asks.
"just fork me baby"
she walks into the closet yet again this time emerges with his uniform.
*for what for?*
"babe, what are you doing? I'm bursting here, come on and ride your guy na haba"
"how would you like it if I wore this?" she slowly puts on his white shirt "sexy yes?
"yes babe, soo soo sexy"
she picks her jeans off the floor
"what if I put on this pair of jeans, do you think they go well with your sexy uniform?"
"won-der-ful Tj take those off, come and jump on it...."
"you know, I'm not wearing any underwear don't you? thats why my nipples are straining against your shirt, or could it be the starch?"
"babe! I want that and I want it now, you said dirrty forking, I'm going crazy"
*Ipod shuffle- we can make love in the bedroom rolling onto my water bed, I'm kissing you sliding my fingers thru your hair....*
she crawls all over him, her jeans and his shirt barriers, he wants to feel her body, he wants to be inside her; into his ear
"I know that given a little time, you will free yourself from those bandannas, but while that is going on think of how far I would go, into some random bar, just to have a few drinks, think how many guys would be wondering, placing bets on whether I actually have any underwear on, why my nipples seem to be straining against this shirt, what it would be like to fork me! I know that when you finally get your hands on me, you will do with me as you wish but in the mean time, I'm going out"
with that she gets off him and walks towards the door.
"Tejumade...dont you dare!"
"O! Tade, I dare and by the way, my wedding ring is by the sink"
Friday, 8 August 2008
this post is dedicated to CWB Callywaffybabe, she would go crazy if she reads this. babe, I dey miss you o! where you dey?
He looks on the floor, there she was, his wife, his heart, his everything. sleeping. he knows it is a troubled sleep, he knows all too well.
' you are being a bastard Tade' he thinks to himself 'ye I know, but e don dey too much, this chic is driving me nuts, she don dey do am tey let me just treat this fork up once and for all'
"Try my children, try never go to bed without resolving a fight, it is very dangerous to go to bed without sorting out issues" that is what the Reverend had said, during counseling, before they had gotten married, nice funny old man. had been married 47 years, had experience plenty experience.
"never let the third party in" he had said as well.
but what was he doing now? granted he had not let the 3rd party in but he had gone to bed without resolving issues with his wife, he wondered what had been going through her mind; for starters, he had forgotten to wear his wedding ring? why the hell had he even taken it off in the first place? why was he always rolling it on his finger? why? only God know what she must have thought. he looks at her again, she looked tired, she must not have had any sleep whereas he had slept and slept well!
Marco's place was a street away, he had the keys since Marco was out of town, he had gotten the solitude he wanted, he had slept and slept. up at 5.35am as though something or someone had woken him up, 10mins later he was home and had been watching T.v since then.
Tade had almost cracked when she was begging him, almost carried her to make maaad love to her but no way, she is getting used to this sheet. drives him to the wall and then comes and apologize and he was expected to answer on the spot every time? this time had been extreme! in their history she had never accused him of cheating, where the hell did that come from?
'se if you want to accuse me, let me do it then say I did it abi?'
why the hell would he want to cheat anyways? the girl was insatiable, it was work trying to keep up with her. anywhere goes. garage, kitchen, bathroom, stairs, she is up for it! and now he is hungry for her. damn he is hungry for her...for her and the food! 'this kin hunger no get part 2' but he's forming, how can she go and cook loaded beans when I'm forming ehn?
she looks cold he thinks but if I cover her now it would look like I'm done forming, he stands up and picks the AC remote, he reduces the temperature. that should be alright.
His cork was hard!
he needed to get into her!
they ALWAYS forked Saturday mornings, darn they forked every morning.
but he was forming.
'iru formin oriburuku wo le leyi n sin? (which manner of crase forming is this?)
he goes back to watching tv
A while later.
Tj woke up with a start
she sat up abruptly, Td was asleep on the chair, he must have been really tired from hanging out all night. she stands, looks into his face and sighs
this time it was on.
why do I always do this? why do I always always push him to the wall? Most of the time? he's not in town, he's away at work, and when he comes home what do you do? frustrate him!
"Naval Officers? they too like fork" Ebele had said "how you sure say everywhere they reach, your husband no dey help different women condition?"
how could she have let that register in her mind? 'you know your husband, you know his strengths and his weaknesses you know him, how can you let what Ebele said influence ANYTHING
Na oestrogen, even I know there is something wrong with me 'maybe I should have gone to see the shrink instead of the family doctor. come to think of it, the doctor had carried out comprehensive tests and I was supposed to go back for the result yesterday, I had forgotten, how not? I was busy hounding Tade ;
"where are you? when are you coming to pick me up?"
"but babe? I'm in Apapa, how do you want me to get to you? under thirty minutes? you just told me to come pick you up 30 mins ago, by the way where is your car?"
"I sent Mr John home with it, I was tired of seeing his face and I didn't feel like driving"
"why would you send the driver and the car home and then ask me to leave everything I'm doing to pick you up?" he sighed " Okay I'm coming"
and when he had come to pick her up? she had suddenly remembered she had to go to Fifi's place in Ikeja, sure he had taken her there in spite of the traffic and when they almost got there? she remembered Fifi had said she wasn't going to be around. then, she had remembered she wanted to pick gele up from Buky's in Ogba, finally they had come home. so he had come to VI from Apapa off to Ikeja, Ogbaa and then back to the Island. 'and what had you given him in return?'
Stress, she had nagged all the way, 'even I know I was nagging'
A lil bit later
Tade woke up with the aroma in his head, his stomach was growling he hadn't had anything since breakfast yesterday but he had gone through worse, he was still strong.
'yes, you've been through worse but for the love of God the smell of your wife's food wasn't wafting through your nostrils.'
into the kitchen he spies on what she is cooking- edikaikong and Eba. seriously this woman will not kill him.
"should I serve your food now?"
he ignores her.
he is hungry
but he ignores her.
"I made some pepper soup as well"
aje oshi (winsh), she wont kill me he's thinking
he ignores her.
he watches as she puts the soup in a plate.
all the right combatants were on the field
this was torture.
he ignores her
"Tade yii ti stubborn juu, Tade? he can spite his nose, just like his father, the two of them are like bulls when they are angry,too stubborn. like elephants too they never forget" thats what his mom had said
right now he was going to spite his nose at the cost of his very existence
'Im hungry for pussy, I dey form
Im hungry for food, I dey form
over form no pure o!'
"your food is ready, would you like a sprite or a just water to go with it?"
he ignores her
he looks at her
to himself 'don't do it Tade, don't you dare'
through the back door
'Tade, don't do this to her, don't'
"Shina!" he yells
a distant "sirrrrrrrrr"
back into the kitchen, she is still looking at him oblivious of what he is about to do. 'Tade this is evil, don't!'
a knock on the door
"come in" he says
his eyes never leave hers, hers never leave his
Shina is oblivious of whats happening. he suspects nothing, he is oblivious of the tension, to him? oga and madam dey always stay inside house like this, dem no dey comot, his own is to patrol the compound. Shina's nose is about to fall off
'this man dey enjoy o! his wife sabi cook well well"
"YES SIR!" he salutes his boss
"how are you ?"
Tade's eyes still on Teju's
"Have you eaten today?"
"No sir, I haven't been able to sir"
her eyes are saying ' I don't believe this'
to himself 'please don't do this'
"okay then, you can have the food on the table, return the plates later"
"ah Thank you sir, thank you very much oga"
his eyes are clear expressionless
hers are filling not gradually with tears, as the door shuts behind Shina, she falls to the floor, her shoulders start to shake, she starts to sob as she look up to him where he is still standing her eyes are equivalent to a pump, her voice hoarse
"but Tade...I said I was sorry...."
Thursday, 7 August 2008
Tj laid on the table for a very long while at least it seemed as though it was a long while but in reality she knew it wasn't that long.
"you hurt me Tejumade, you hurt me real bad" was what he had said
'What have I done?' she thought 'how could I have done that to him? my baby, my love, my heart?'
she could hear the shower running in their bathroom, their magic bathroom is what they call it for two reasons 1. it was a two in one bath stall, individual baths all you had to do was slide the glass and it was one big shower, big enough for 4.
reason 2? they made lots and lots of magic there. how many orgasms had she had while in there? How many phone calls hove you received since the advent of Gsm?
She stood up, hesitant yet eager, she knows her husband, in this mood it was best to let him be but how could she? She has to make things right. As she walked towards the bath she could feel him in between her thighs, inside her, his essence the tadpole, her the pool. talking of pools she was still wet! thats the thing about this body of hers, it has a mind of her own, especially when it comes to Babatade Adetokunbo Adebo.
As though sparing the floor, she walks into the bathroom and sees him, her heart skips a beat, his back to her, the jet of water hitting his extremely taut body, the steam clouding the windows and the stall walls, she discards the little clothing she has on (fork the braids she's thinking) and walks into the stall, her side, he notices her...ignores her
she starts to move towards his half of the stall, she stops, she moves back to her half and picks up the soft sponge she uses for his back. 'therapeutic sponge' it usually works she thinks. As she soaps it, she looks over to him and starts to get even wetter and this had nothing to do with the shower.
She moves over to him and starts to scrub his back gently.
it was a silent "stop it"
she walks back to her side of the stall then as though on second thought she starts to walk back
"look Tade I...."
he shuts the glass between them.
she does a half smile and starts to take her shower.
He's done, she rounds off. He steps out, she does the same he starts to dry off, she picks a towel and starts to dry his back, 'he loves this' she's thinking, he loves it when I dry his body, he does.
"leave me alone"
"Haba Tade, whats up with you? I'm trying to apologise here"
he shakes his head "and she still speaks"
she ties the towel around herself, into the walk in closet right after him
"Baby, I didn't mean to sound like that, why are you wearing that? are you...are you going out?"
he ignores her.
Haba, its 8pm, you said you weren't going anywhere, you said you were tired, jo talk to me nooow?
he ignores her.
soon enough he's dressed. blue jeans, black t shirt, black vans, Kenneth cole wafting through her nostrils she notices one thing as he picks his car keys and walks out
his silver band is missing...he's not wearing his wedding ring.
she hasn't had any sleep, in fact since her husband left at 8pm she had been up and about, she had loaded the washing machine with the laundry, ye it was meant to be Saturdays work but her it was the early hours of Saturday, she had sorted his sock and boxers and hung them to dry, their closet she had arranged, everything was in its place, she had cooked for him his favorite meal, beans. she had picked at about midnight and was done cooking by 2. pregnant beans it was loaded with everything imaginable, she hadn't forgotten the pomo in small sizes, just the way he liked it. everything was set.
she had dried her hair and dressed in the purple and black number he had bought her on one of those random days.
"I felt like it so I bought it, I cant wait to see you in it and of course out of it"
she had looked smashing in it, then she had started to get cold, hi t shirt went over it then, any time now, any time now...
she decided to clean the cooker, it was not dirty but hey, you could clean it over and over.
she cut some plantain, checked the oil in the deep fryer- he would be hungry when he got back
father please bring my baby home safe
Puhhhhh! his horn, thank you lord, quickly into the kitchen, take out the plantain from the fridge, deep fryer, start frying! beans out of the warmer, 7 mins later when he comes into the house, the table is set, they always ate in the kitchen anyways.
"welcome baby, you hungry?"
he ignores her.
"Tade, I made you some food, your favourite, loaded beans"
he goes up the stairs.
she's right behind him.
Into the room, he goes into the closet.
she glances at the mirror, it doesn't really look like she hasn't had any sleep, not at all. she takes off her t shirt and smooths the number she was still wearing, she walks into the closet; he's naked, birthday suit naked.
"at least if you wont eat food, se you would eat me?"
he's not even looking at her.
she walks to him and hugs him from the back, her head is in the middle of his back, she can hear his heartbeat from the other side, it quickens, so does hers.
she starts to rub on his chest at the same time rubbing her breasts all over his back, he stands there lets her do her thing.
she starts to kiss his back, she scrolls down and kisses his taut buttocks, she knows he is hard, dammit she was drippin, her head felt as though it were about to explode, her fingers and feet were hot from the sudden rush of blood to those areas, her nipples were hard, it felt as though there were a thousand pins in them, she didn't remember being this horny, maybe it was the anticipation, the wait had heightened her pleasure but now, now he was going to give it to her the way she liked, her i pod had been plugged in earlier, holiday was playing 'bed' over and over just as she had planned it.
"aww baby, I missed you so much, I missed your cork baby, all night Ive been wanting this, wanting you"
she turns him around to feel him, he places his hands on the sink as he faces her, the tiles were cold, the floors were cold but she was hot! damn damn hot.
she looks up at him as she places his hot hard cork in her mouth and slides it in all the way till she is about to gag, she rolls her tongue right under, at that spot, that line, he usually calls out to her here
"ye T baby, yes darl, babe"
she look up to him expecting to see his passion filled eyes.
It is a cold stare!
for a couple of moments he stares down at her then takes his cork out of her mouth....
"leave me alone."
he puts on his joggers and walks out.
He had rejected her, for the first time ever.
She don enter am.
The television is on, he is watching his early morning cartoons, Kim Possible, American Dragon those are his favorites. She is dressed now, she still hasn't had any sleep. she packs the last of the untouched meal into the freezer and cleans up. there is only one thing to do now.
she walks into the living room, he is on the small couch, not on their love seat, not where they usually held on to one another as they watched movies into the morning, she goes toward him, he is not even looking at her
she kneels in front of him.
"Babatade- Baba mi, egbon mi, ore mi, Oko mi, Olowo ori mi (my father, my brother, my bestfriend, my husband, my all) I shouldnt have done what I did, Im not going to make excuses, Im not even going to try, Im just going to ask that you please forgive me, I was wrong, I was selfish, I was stupid, please forgive me, I cant stand this, I beg you"
he turns up the volume, he didn't even look at her.
she's seating on the floor in front of him 'you need to forgive me she is thinking, you have to forgive me' her body cant take it anymore, it shuts down.
She sleeps, albeit troubled.
Maybe when she wakes up things would be better....
Saturday, 2 August 2008
husband and wife fight, a true blend of fact and fiction. enjoi.
"You must be joking, what do you think you are doing?"
"what does it look like?"
"you know I don't appreciate being spoken to like that"
"what now you are my teacher?"
"I am your husband"
"like I needed any reminding "
"what has gotten into you?"
"obviously not you, I probably should go ahead and buy myself a vibrator"
"that is not funny Tejumade"
"It wasn't meant to be Tade, look, I don't want to be having this conversation with you right now, I'm busy."
"oo! but you are going to, we are going to really what you want me to do? first it was your mother, then my mother next thing it was the family thing I forgot to attend, then I came home late on the neighbors birthday, wife, if you want to pick fights with me, let them be genuine sensible fights, kilode? what do you want me to do? I don't need this from you, I just got went through Lagos traffic."
"Really? then you need a break, fine, let me kuku go to my parents house. Ill be back when I become sensible again."
"don't you dare!" barely a whisper, it was a threat, more than a command
"how dare you Teju, what else do you want me to do to make you happy?"
"you can come home earlier, you can ask your friends to stop coming to watch football in my house! you can fork me the way you used to before we got married, I want a baby Tade, hell you can show me you still love me!"
"Ive told you, we will have our own baby when God says and for the love of almighty how have I not shown that I love you ehn? do you want me to tattoo it on my forehead? Ive already done it on my arm, where else do you want it you this woman?"
"I just want my husband back!"
"You have him, you have me,just stop! don't make me do what I don't want to do."
"right, like I'm to believe you aren't seeing someone else, you are a guy, its expected."
If looks could kill she would be dead by now, even she wished she had not said those things.
"...In your life Tejumade Adebo don't you ever, don't you ever suggest that I'm cheating on you, don't you ever threaten me with moving out and don't you DARE disrespect me!"
she is speechless but stubbornness no go gree, she just has to say something stupid like
"then don't act like I don't matter to you anymore"
that was the last straw, he pulls her to him for a fleet second she is scared,he has never been a violent person but right now she was real afraid of this madness,this thing she had pushed him to,this madness she has caused.
Tade pulled her to him and pushes her onto the table in their bedroom, face down her face is in the clean laundry she had just brought in,she cant breathe but it doesn't seem like her husband of 3 years can notice that, he is wild, he is mad, why shouldn't he be? with one hand holding her neck down he pulls aside the shirt she was wearing, his shirt and searches for her g-string, lost between her buttocks, for the first time without asking her first he rips it apart the fabric stings her skin, he had ripped it with one hand, his motive was to cause her pain... a lot of pain she yells out his name
he bends and says into her ear
"shut the fuck up Made!"
soon enough she felt her husband's very hot member near her wetness O! yes she was wet, she was always wet around her husband but not yet she thought, not wet enough
"I said shut up Made"
he pierces through her, sliding his cork in and out of her, soon enough both his hands are gripping her neck and hers gripping the table, faster and harder he goes, it hurts, but he doesn't care, not right now, his wife has a very big mouth, he needed to 'stuff' it.
"Does that dick feel like it has been forking someone else ehn Tejumade?"
"NO! NO SIR IT DOESNT!"
he hits her then, hard, very hard on her ass, she screams, he hits her again, then again, then again
"Tade jo! please!"
he holds on to her waist and slams into her again, over and over
he turns her over and now her back is on the table, legs wide apart with her husbands dick inside her, she is a sight, he tears open her shirt and pulls out her breasts, he squeezes them roughly... puts one nipple in his mouth...bites on it.
"hmm Tade! yes baby, baby, kiss me."
she still doesn't get it does she? this is no lovemaking, he pushes her back on the table and puts her legs on his shoulder, now he's going to hit her womb, she cant stand it, he knows.
"I'M SORRRRRRRRRRY! please baby not so hard, I beg you, jo, please"
he's not listening, he's still hitting her hard! this should be slow his conscience tell him, you are hurting her, stop man, you are hurting her, not as much as she hurt me he says in his mind
he slows his pace but still hits her hard, he looks at his wife, she is enjoying this, she is, look at her he thinks, who go know sey my wife love fork like this? Lady in the street, freak in the bed!
"Tade Jo, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wont ever,uhnnnn, please, yessssss! I promise, baby, oooo! uhn! baby, Tade, Im comiiiing!"
mistake. she shouldn't have said that, he puts he legs down and slides out of her, he pulls her off the table and makes her kneel in front of him, Tade shoves himself tasting of her into her mouth, she starts to eat him like her life depended on it, she holds on to him like he was a lifeline licking the whole length of his cork clean, he feels himself building, no, it was not yet time to come, not yet, and if he was to come, it was to give her that baby she has been going on and on about he pulls her back up and pushes her towards the wall, she doesn't need to be told twice, she's up on him her legs around his waist, her back to the wall, he jams into her HARD!, sucking on her left breast, spanking her with his right hand.
"AH! baby! my husband, shit, I'm in trouble today,yesssss, Tade, fork me, ye harder, baby, my love, yes, I'm going to come Tade, I cant help it, taDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
he feels her come all over him, he feels the come dribbling down his thighs, but not yet, he places her back on the table and quickens his pace, faster....
"tell me, does that dick feel like it has been forking someone else?"
"NOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm coming again! My love, fork that poosy, fuck your wifes poosy."
"its not my wife's poosy, Its mine!" his fingers tighten on her breasts
"Shit, Shit, shit, MADEeeee! Tejumade!" he falls against her as he empties himself into her, he is spent as his eyes refocus they settle on the clock in their room, a souvenir from their wedding
'Tade and Tejumade
he looks into her eyes, his misty, hers starry.
"you hurt me Tejumade, you hurt me real bad"
to be continued.
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
First I gotta say this...
I love you guys. As in you guys are tew maaaad. Ive come to realize that though we might drive/walk past each other and not recognise one another, it dont mean we dont care bout each other ( I don dey too talk) anyways, thanks for being there for me...you know una self.
Story stoooory? you know me I always have a story to tell.
I dont like married men!
welll if they are not minding their own business facing their families then I dont like them, you see, I come from a polygamous home and I know what shit my bro and I went thru growing up. I swore at a very young age that that shit wasnt going to happen to my kids as in, Ild rather be a single mother than be someones second or third wife, sheet, Ild rather not at all, so with this info its easy to understand my state of mind.
I have never dated a married man! A friends friend was bawling a couple of weeks ago, trust me olofofo,
Aunty wotapeen? whai are you cryying like as if they haf shoot you? or your mama she haf die?
"my bo-y-frie-nd is- hur-ting-me"
sha sha, it turned out to be that he boyfriend in question is a married man, who promised he was leaving his wife actually he told her his wife and kids were relocating and never coming back, he was divorcing his wife and marrying her. oloshi. oya Mr oga, when is your wife going? question? Till now the wife never go o! the man bought her i-phone the oloriburuku girl returned it, the man wanted to buy her car, the ashiere said she does not want (if you dont know the meaning of oloriburuku and ashiere, well me too i dont know, i sha know it is heavy heavy curse) If it is me, I will sell the phone and the car and tell him they tif it! My own conclusion is that the girl is mad and if she does end up with the man well, I guess one good turn will deserve another. so back to my story
All my uncles call me a slacker,non performer why? I don't organize chics for them, i mean hooow? fine I know I am related to them not thier wives but how am I supposed to organise poosy for them and still be able to look their wives in thier faces? nah that one is not my calling besides 8 out of 10 of my friends na man ask exschnerd and geisha they know me well so except they are gay? no show.
That is how I was minding my business when the first uncle (in recent times) approached me, funnily enough, I didnt even know that one was married, I sha knew there was something about him I didnt like. One evening after plenty, Im busy, Im outta town (dont blame me, I was going through a phase I dint want to see anyone)sha, I just got back from a wedding when he calls, where am I, let his see me, yadiyadi and Im thinking what tha fork? okay, Im home, but you gas hurry up, If I get changed, Im not coming downstairs again o!
I gasta add that day, I was looking STUNNING, sha he shows up in his Ivtech, I think thats what he drives, otherwise wetin concyn me? I get in and he starts to talk
"Omo, you sexy o! this that and then the disgusting part, he is trying to get his hand round my shoulder, remember guys bad no dey flirt mode, I mean if na yosh now ehen, Na me go put hand down him trouser but haba this guy? hells no! no he is not ugly, there was just somin about him, and when I get those vibes it means they are trouble! (my vibes dont fail me cuz thats the night I find out he's married with a daughter) I sha told him to cool off, he wasnt listening and I got down.
Come back he is saying but I aint listening, you be my papa?
the next day, Im bored so I get dressed up and go watch Prince Caspian, as Im walking out of the galleria guess who I walk right into? Him!
he starts bitching, so I came out without him, as if I dey follow am comot before, Whats he doin here? he came to see the premiere of the movie 30 days, at galleria! you no dey read Iv? he's laughin as he gives me the invite, pls check for me, get in, we'll talk on the way, so here I am boxed in a corner but I dont mind cuz my homeboy paps is at the premiere and i havent seen him in a while, so I call paps to tell him Im coming over.
"hey darling Im coming over but Im not staying, I just want to see your face yadiyaya"
the bitch starts bitching again, in his very before, I am calling another man, Im not even afraid, he wont do that to me, this that, that, this. I ignored him, why should I bother trying to explain my relationship with paps to him? we aint together bitch. While in that his motor, the short distance from galleria to expo centre, I nust have recieved 5 calls from diff guys, All my friends but bitch dont know that does he?
We saw Paps, he decided not to stay for the event afterall as the idiot hadnt bothered to read the invite so he was dressed a bit too casually, he'ld rather watch ball anyway so off to city mall, by now I must have spoken to 3 more guys. so he starts fuming, how come I spend so much time on the phone yet, I have never called him? only text messages, if I flash sebi he will call back and Im like "You no even happy sey i text you sef"
we get to city Mall, watch the end of the first half and Im like, Im off, I gotta get home.
lemme walk you he says
nah dont worry, Ill get a cab right outside, so you dont have to miss the 2nd half
ehen! somebody is waiting for you outside abi? and Im like whaddafork!
okay fine, walk me
no dont worry, go he says
walk me and come and pay for my cab I say
Am I to pay for your cab?
WHADDAYAMEANYOUMORRAFORKER? I laugh and walk on Chill he says,
I got myself out, I can get myself home I say.
I got home safe, he called a couple of time later to apologise? I dunno but meen the guy na scum! so thanking God, i found out early enough plus I had that feeling so one down abi?
you would think.
so my grandaunt passes away and being a muslim, the burial is less than a week later. guess who does most of the wahala? me! sebi, I never resume work? from aso ebi to venue to rentals to caterers to drinks? all moi.
I looked like shit, after it all including me gettin pissed when one of the girls from my sec sch shows up and I ask who exactly she is asking of?
"O we've seen him, we've seen Abdul. Abdul is a 55yr old man married with 6 kids, I call him Daddy or Uncle or Daddy Soji plus I kneel down when I see him, the bitch called him Abdul. hmmm the wonders of this life.
After all said and done everyone has eaten our food and gone home but for a few uncles and a few of their friends, I sit beside an uncle and hi friend.
"sweetheart" the friend says, I dont know who the fork he is " you must be tired, after all the work you did, pele, sit down" he pours me some wine, I sip, he's tending to me and Im like whaddayawant man? but he is still my uncles friend (though Im not sure which one) so im like yes sir, yes sir, driver shows up, time to go home to my left is my fav uncle so I kiss him goodnight sa, to my right the 'good man?' I make to shake him but he grabs me and hugs me instead, pressing my softness against his hardness and Im like uhn? he kisses both cheeks and on the second one he whispers
a card is folded into my palm. as a sharp girl, I act like nothing, say good night to all and walk away, I can feel his stares on my backside, he must be hard by now My yamama mind is thinking, I have that effect on people, I think some more.
In the car I check the card
I sigh as I shake my head, I dont do this sheet, dont he know?
okay so here I am, the card in my bag,
if I call him
1. I'm a hypocrite
2. It could be traced back to me and how the hell my family go look me? (though they all do it o!)
If i dont call him
1. No trips for me and Im bored
2. who knows.
oya blogfamilly mi. whaddayathink?
Saturday, 5 July 2008
It's called a crisis
Since I'm not in my forties, it cant be a mid-life
guess I will call it a... a... a quarter life crisis.
sleepless nights, headaches, serious headaches oh! no not suffering from heartache, or am I
hurt, pain, disgust, tears,disappointment, exhaustion, a lack of performance, just a few of the things I have been going through
I miss you Afrobabe, Mz dee, Yosh, Porter, Ex, Napali and all my other friends.
I soo miss you guys.
like Naapali says, I dey revolve like door.
I cant wait to rotate back to blogsville.
Pray for me guys!
Wednesday, 18 June 2008
Phone ringing. pick up your phone mofo, its Friday ain it?
My thoughts are far from pure, I'm thinking all these things I want to do to you, all these things I want you to do to me...
phone still ringing, darn lemme try the land line
heartbeat quickens, no not in a good way, its not you on the phone
"good afternoon, may I speak to jibiti please"
"Oh! he's in the bath, would you call him back in five minutes?"
funny a chic should pick up his phone
dum dum, dum dum, a chic?
calm down babe, calm down, its not like you are dating this guy, its not even like you 'want' to date the guy so whats the long thing if a chic picks up the phone?
20 mins later.
"hey, sorry to bother you but I really need to get to jibiti, may I speak to him please?"
"oh! you know what I'm so sorry, I forgot to tell him you called earlier and he has stepped out, I'm folake his fiancee do you want to drop a message?
STOP! what did you say? girl? his fiancee? I knew the guy was bad but I didn't think he was that baaaad, I mean hey...we ALL knew the guy was a jibiti but?
"erm na, I'll call him back thank you"
"you are welcome"
Ol boy, I don't believe this, I actually don't disbelieve it but hey? okay next course of action? sorry I meant drama obviously ain't no action going on tonight, good thing I hadn't bothered with the whips and cuffs, just joking but really glad I hadn't bothered with any elaborate plans, so really what next?
"hello? sorry he still is not back yet"
"yes, well, I changed my mind, I would drop the message with you,could you please tell Jibiti that I just got his test result back from the lab and it is imperative he comes in for an injection"
"injection for what"
"oh! well I'm not sure I could tell you that but since you are his fiancee aybe you should come in as well to get yourself checked for the STD, expect you soonest." (I had just seen why did I get married, fastest thing that came to my mind)
Now who's bad?
text msg comes in
'hey, my sis said you called, very funny?'
I'm past caring, sister, girlfriend, fiancee all na d same
Now that Ive had a bit of excitement guess its back to the age ol question Who wants to be my baby daddy? lmfao.
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
"Please take off your shirt."
I was shy, I was going to be naked but I did.
"Please sit on the table and look towards me"
"Can you feel that?"
"okay do you feel anything when I do this?"
"yes yes yes!"
"does this hurt?"
"sorry I'm going to have to do this"
"do you feel any form of sensation?"
*I be firewood? how I no go feel say person dey touch my bobi* "will a sensation be a good thing or a bad thing?"
"it depends. okay, Im going to have to touch beneath your breasts right now, do you mind? "
*PLEASE do, I need someone touching me but hey sheet wait a minute you cant be doing this, you are...*
"breathe in please, and out, in again, out, good please stretch out on the table"
*On my back or on my stomach, O my God I seem to be confusing things, you are..."
by now you guys must have realised this is not the prelude to extreme forking nope, I wish it was but...
"Miss bad, are you listening to me? okay Im going to have to ask you a few more questions, blah blah bla and all. Okay Im going to have to run some tests, the lab is on the first floor, dont forget, you cant exert yourself, you are to do absolutely nothing stressful or extremely physical...."
*but doctor, beads and I have an appointment to go at it like rabbits this friday, thats tomorow, cant I just do it and then go back to being a bit down?*
In reality, I nod my head dejected
"Do anything stressful and you run a risk of hurting yourself, please take your medication and sleep. Bye Miss Bad and remember alot of sleep!"
So there you have it, sheet didnt go down. why? I was down, I was soo upset, okay so It would have been nicer if my doctor had said I could just do and then...but norin of the sort, I was there lying on her examination table wishing she was beads...hmm disgusting thots of mine. hell she could have been a fine male doctor and I wouldnt have minded, I simply would have insisted I felt something on my breasts, examine them pleeeease!
suffice to say, Ive been down but not out! this series must end this friday somebody say amen!