They are tempting me o!

First I gotta say this...

I love you guys. As in you guys are tew maaaad. Ive come to realize that though we might drive/walk past each other and not recognise one another, it dont mean we dont care bout each other ( I don dey too talk) anyways, thanks for being there for me...you know una self.

Story stoooory? you know me I always have a story to tell.

I dont like married men!

welll if they are not minding their own business facing their families then I dont like them, you see, I come from a polygamous home and I know what shit my bro and I went thru growing up. I swore at a very young age that that shit wasnt going to happen to my kids as in, Ild rather be a single mother than be someones second or third wife, sheet, Ild rather not at all, so with this info its easy to understand my state of mind.

I have never dated a married man! A friends friend was bawling a couple of weeks ago, trust me olofofo,

Aunty wotapeen? whai are you cryying like as if they haf shoot you? or your mama she haf die?

"my bo-y-frie-nd is- hur-ting-me"

sha sha, it turned out to be that he boyfriend in question is a married man, who promised he was leaving his wife actually he told her his wife and kids were relocating and never coming back, he was divorcing his wife and marrying her. oloshi. oya Mr oga, when is your wife going? question? Till now the wife never go o! the man bought her i-phone the oloriburuku girl returned it, the man wanted to buy her car, the ashiere said she does not want (if you dont know the meaning of oloriburuku and ashiere, well me too i dont know, i sha know it is heavy heavy curse) If it is me, I will sell the phone and the car and tell him they tif it! My own conclusion is that the girl is mad and if she does end up with the man well, I guess one good turn will deserve another. so back to my story

All my uncles call me a slacker,non performer why? I don't organize chics for them, i mean hooow? fine I know I am related to them not thier wives but how am I supposed to organise poosy for them and still be able to look their wives in thier faces? nah that one is not my calling besides 8 out of 10 of my friends na man ask exschnerd and geisha they know me well so except they are gay? no show.

That is how I was minding my business when the first uncle (in recent times) approached me, funnily enough, I didnt even know that one was married, I sha knew there was something about him I didnt like. One evening after plenty, Im busy, Im outta town (dont blame me, I was going through a phase I dint want to see anyone)sha, I just got back from a wedding when he calls, where am I, let his see me, yadiyadi and Im thinking what tha fork? okay, Im home, but you gas hurry up, If I get changed, Im not coming downstairs again o!

I gasta add that day, I was looking STUNNING, sha he shows up in his Ivtech, I think thats what he drives, otherwise wetin concyn me? I get in and he starts to talk

"Omo, you sexy o! this that and then the disgusting part, he is trying to get his hand round my shoulder, remember guys bad no dey flirt mode, I mean if na yosh now ehen, Na me go put hand down him trouser but haba this guy? hells no! no he is not ugly, there was just somin about him, and when I get those vibes it means they are trouble! (my vibes dont fail me cuz thats the night I find out he's married with a daughter) I sha told him to cool off, he wasnt listening and I got down.

Come back he is saying but I aint listening, you be my papa?

the next day, Im bored so I get dressed up and go watch Prince Caspian, as Im walking out of the galleria guess who I walk right into? Him!

he starts bitching, so I came out without him, as if I dey follow am comot before, Whats he doin here? he came to see the premiere of the movie 30 days, at galleria! you no dey read Iv? he's laughin as he gives me the invite, pls check for me, get in, we'll talk on the way, so here I am boxed in a corner but I dont mind cuz my homeboy paps is at the premiere and i havent seen him in a while, so I call paps to tell him Im coming over.

"hey darling Im coming over but Im not staying, I just want to see your face yadiyaya"

the bitch starts bitching again, in his very before, I am calling another man, Im not even afraid, he wont do that to me, this that, that, this. I ignored him, why should I bother trying to explain my relationship with paps to him? we aint together bitch. While in that his motor, the short distance from galleria to expo centre, I nust have recieved 5 calls from diff guys, All my friends but bitch dont know that does he?

We saw Paps, he decided not to stay for the event afterall as the idiot hadnt bothered to read the invite so he was dressed a bit too casually, he'ld rather watch ball anyway so off to city mall, by now I must have spoken to 3 more guys. so he starts fuming, how come I spend so much time on the phone yet, I have never called him? only text messages, if I flash sebi he will call back and Im like "You no even happy sey i text you sef"

we get to city Mall, watch the end of the first half and Im like, Im off, I gotta get home.

lemme walk you he says

nah dont worry, Ill get a cab right outside, so you dont have to miss the 2nd half

ehen! somebody is waiting for you outside abi? and Im like whaddafork!

okay fine, walk me

no dont worry, go he says

walk me and come and pay for my cab I say

Am I to pay for your cab?

WHADDAYAMEANYOUMORRAFORKER? I laugh and walk on Chill he says,

I got myself out, I can get myself home I say.

I got home safe, he called a couple of time later to apologise? I dunno but meen the guy na scum! so thanking God, i found out early enough plus I had that feeling so one down abi?

you would think.

so my grandaunt passes away and being a muslim, the burial is less than a week later. guess who does most of the wahala? me! sebi, I never resume work? from aso ebi to venue to rentals to caterers to drinks? all moi.

I looked like shit, after it all including me gettin pissed when one of the girls from my sec sch shows up and I ask who exactly she is asking of?

"O we've seen him, we've seen Abdul. Abdul is a 55yr old man married with 6 kids, I call him Daddy or Uncle or Daddy Soji plus I kneel down when I see him, the bitch called him Abdul. hmmm the wonders of this life.

After all said and done everyone has eaten our food and gone home but for a few uncles and a few of their friends, I sit beside an uncle and hi friend.

"sweetheart" the friend says, I dont know who the fork he is " you must be tired, after all the work you did, pele, sit down" he pours me some wine, I sip, he's tending to me and Im like whaddayawant man? but he is still my uncles friend (though Im not sure which one) so im like yes sir, yes sir, driver shows up, time to go home to my left is my fav uncle so I kiss him goodnight sa, to my right the 'good man?' I make to shake him but he grabs me and hugs me instead, pressing my softness against his hardness and Im like uhn? he kisses both cheeks and on the second one he whispers

"Call me"

a card is folded into my palm. as a sharp girl, I act like nothing, say good night to all and walk away, I can feel his stares on my backside, he must be hard by now My yamama mind is thinking, I have that effect on people, I think some more.

In the car I check the card

Idowu Rotimi
Regional Manager
Some bank

I sigh as I shake my head, I dont do this sheet, dont he know?

okay so here I am, the card in my bag,

if I call him

1. I'm a hypocrite
2. It could be traced back to me and how the hell my family go look me? (though they all do it o!)

If i dont call him

1. No trips for me and Im bored
2. who knows.

oya blogfamilly mi. whaddayathink?