An Ode.

Exschnerd introduced me to blogsville.

I loved it.

Everyday after work, I would rush home just coz I wanted to blog, I would turn down dates cuz I wanted to come check up on CWB or Porter what de hell had Ubong written this time? and the Cunning Linguist? Naapali, Geisha?

Even at work I would sneak to blogsville, getting my fix, hiding so as not to get caught by my supervisor.

All that has changed.

I still love you blogsville, but I reckon its time to move on.

I realise that not everyone is as honest as they seem, I mean "why tell complete strangers everything right?" I realise that this is a portal for some to bare it all, I realise that this virtual family have been more family than some with whom we share blood.

together We been through the Tsunamis and the floods, the births and the deaths, the break ups and the marriages, the catfights and the all. friends I have made here, I will never trade. I thank you.

Thank you for loving me just the way i am.
for allowing me be myself through and through
for allowing me live out my fantasies
for allowing me be Bad.

Thank you for listening
for all the advice
for the tears
for the laughs

thank you for not giving me the fire in the pants award
for awarding it to that horrible Baroque.

thank you for always being there
for helping allay my fears.

Me thinks its time to move on.

I will miss you.

and Yes I DO LOVE YOU.

Adios.

Im not that sorry.

I woke up breathless

I hurt yet I wanted more

I couldnt, didnt believe what I had done, remorse? shame?

I screamed and shook and convulsed,I fumed.

hi6 you?

sadly neither.

hi6... I realise now that I DID love you, in my infinite stupidity You ... are a much better man

if I had to choose, I would choose YOU, sadly....

hi6, you make me laugh so hard all I want to do is twitter. you make me hurt so bad all I want to do is beat ya.

You are rude! yet I realise that is your way of being nice, you made me laugh (and Im still trying hard not to say thank you), I hadn't laughed that hard in so long, it was so unstrained... sadly.

ying or yang

lesser of two evils neither.

pure yet bad wrong yet sweet

the best thing I realise is to flee.

I WILL MISS YOU.

Its almost Goodbye Blogsville it has been a pleasure you deserve one more post, Ill call it the Ode.

This blogging thing sef.

The problem is that there is plenty problem.

I will not sit in my swivel chair and act like I couldnt have been blogging in the past month atleast because I could have but I havent gotten round to it.

Me the no 1 runaway soldier as in literally. even now I am supposed to be in some effed up region of this great nation, hoping snakes dont come a'visiting, wanting to get on the road and get the fuck over with already as in seriously get the 'fuck' over with as in we have been dragging this rubbish for too long, I could be staring into space living on golden morn and Kelloggs cornflakes, hoping I dont have to get on the road for an hour and half just to use a fucking ATM but nope, I am sitting here, in my lavacious house, in my swivel chair, in my very cold, nipple hardening room tapping away at my keyboard.

Very simple, I got on the effing plane and came home, no questions. worse still I got on an effing plane and got the Eff out of Naija for a a lil bit, I couldnt stay away for as long as I wanted, damn I couldnt even put pictures up on FB but I sha trafel, cold catch me well well, I came back home and went straight to an Amala joint. nope Afro I wasnt in England lol.

Inbtw there has been two friends weddings, Im planning a bridal shower, getting ready for another friends wedding, working on a MAJOR project and making up and breaking up with one same man. wahala plenty

and Baroque dares accuse me of having fireless pants? dude my panties are like volcanoes always spewing forth man melting lava.

Make una no vex say I no too blog o! Its bad enough that I have to go back to that shithole sooner or later.

Ye I missed you.

Putting the cart b4 the horse.

I like Man O!

lol not just the way you thinking, I'm thinking as friends, they do make a whole lot of sense, My closest friends are men... stop calling me a man wrapper jo!

Just sitting here reminiscing University days, the worst times ever, those times I was hot and cold at the same forking time, na woman cause am. accusing me of doing somin I never would have done, somin none of my male friends could ever think of let alone say I did.

emi BAD?

It was either yr 3 or 4, I wasn't much of a party goer in school nope, I just wasnt bothered with all the fake hype ye? was friends with this girl and ended up being friendly with her roomates et al.

Rm had tried to hook me up with her Beau's friend, the guy was single I dont think I was at the time but I wasnt serious or somin I no too remember. I had been talking to the guy and replying his text messages but all that stopped after I saw him once as in YUCK! to be fair to the brother he wasnt ugly, he was just not my type, not interesting, didnt set my blood to boil (and you know how much I crave excitement) anyways moving on.

say 1 or 2 months after that the call came

I remember that particular day

not from the guy but from RM

She wanted to know why the fork I had gone to spend the night at her boy friend's house on Christmas day.

she told me how I had called him to tell him I was in the area and if it was okay to drop by, she said I decided by 10 that my 'cousin' couldnt pick me up and I had to sleep over, how he had decided to sleep on the floor but I had offered the bed and how in the middle of the night I had asked him to fork me...and he had obliged.

I might suffer from Short memory syndrome but it cant be THAT bad, all that activity? e pass say make I no remember. the accusation was too mad, telling me not to even bother denying had her sisters and cousins yelling at me over the phone "dont you dare deny it you bitch" I weak.

for starters even if it was Ms Hyde that dunnit, I know I have NEVER missed christmas with my family. it is a rule wherever you are in the WORLD you are summoned home for christmas whatever the cost...they dont care!

How I wan take start explain am? aha! I remembered one of the guys living in our block had seen me at church that night, ask him! she did I think, cuz after that no more accusations (God punish Devil)

it was stupid I was embarrassed for us all, females.

I had no idea who her bf was, never met him, spoken to him once WHILE SHE WAS IN THE ROOM kai woman?

I think she later found out the guy was just a fuck and had been lying cuz after that she tried to call and apologise without saying sorry just that they had discovered the truth actually i think my friend did the calling, the guys (our friends) were soooo embarrassed about it, my friend was as well I was disgusted, that I was caught up in that kin bullshit, it is common knowledge, I hate rubbish...that was rubbish.

how the hell can a guy (with a history of being a pathological liar) come up with that kin bull and you dont ask? you accuse. why the hell do females put the cart before the horse?

what I hate most is our ability to want to act like nofins wrong, lets move on, "girl Im loving your hair where you do am..." like bitch yesterday I was forking your man today you like my hair? ko ma da fun e! that is it cannnnnnot better for you.

I can NEVER be friends with you. who knows what it would be tomoro?

I havent seen her since, didnt even bother adding her on fb, she always lived a superficial life, me? Im thinking of how to to keep loving and apprecialting my Male friends, few female trustworthy friends and of course get on the next flight so I do YOU!

o Ye... I missed y'all too.

You Miss Me?

Good Cuz I missed y'all too.

actually I miss YOU a whole lot but fork you! who needs you right?

as usual my life is a series of amusing events, countless watdaforks? have dropped from my lips trust me, it seems to get more and more interesting everyday yet Im bored...contradictory ye?

By the way I met some Benin guy whos some 12years older and who made me produce more fluids than the damn Atlantic Ocean...pity, I cant even remember the guys name.

Maybe its cuz Im off em effers called Men for now (ye ye Bad make up your mind will ya?)

okay lets get it straight. Remember Mr Man? well we finally finally finally scattered, after alot of false starts, I finally gathered enough 'balls' to look past the fact that he is some cute ass mofo who knows how to bone me right and tell him what a jackass he has been and bitch? Im moving, I had never been so mean to him, maybe if I had been that mean in the past he wouldn't have acted the fool. strolling home today he drove past me, damn my pulse quickened, he didnt see me though, he doesnt even know Im in town, funny funny funny. I have many regrets with him, no one is that I ever was good and that I was there for him a whole lot...he didnt deserve it. Ladies is it me or it seem like we ought not to be nice to em guys? they dont deserve it ye?

Most of all I think I regret not cheating on him when I had the chance, but that one don pass now se? If not for the immense satisfaction I would have gotten from gettin laid by YOU atleast now I would have this smug look on my face thinking 'Bitch I wasnt so faithful to you' ye?

past done past

On a fucking hilarious note, there is this Man hittin on me like whao. been at it for say about 2 -3 months now but has currently intensified these last couple of weeks

Ye he goodlookin
Ye he has shitloads of money (not like that matters with me)
Ye he funny as hell

but follow me and say

GOD FORBID!

why?

Cuz Mad is waaaaaay older, I have no Idea how old he is but I estimate 47-50
if you hear this man over the phone ehn you would this he was some 25 year old with all the talk, innuendos and shit. to be on the safe side (cuz Aristos aint my style), I involved one of my uncles make e no go be say bad dey follow baba rugbo on a coded level.

I have said no in different languages but he aint buyin so I have been adviced to post him like a note, my friend sexy thinks I should Chop his money but Im adverse to that, aint no reason to give him a reason to want to do me bad thing. Vik thinks I shouldn't be worried, He a man I'm a Woman, no long tin, why are you so surprised, you can make your own decisions, fuck him if you want!

Have I told you how much I hate Vik? lol

Its not my style...sorry.

I saw Slumdog millonaire... beautiful movie, saw it with Sexy and Blogger-in-the past. the movie was even more beautiful cuz I snogged thru half of it, you know to keep my mind off breaking it off with Mr Man. lol

How I miss him...You

Fuck Him...YOu

wish I could say I am back fully but y'all know I gotta go back to that fucking place. Ill say this though...you guys keep me going on those really fucked up days. all I have to do is remember one of Afro's or Ibi's exploits or think of how much trouble Baroque caused or Man Cee comin out and I cant help but to smile.

Ye I missed you.

What da fork?

Not exactly my close friend,

I dont really do close friends with chics, well, they are few I can talk to and trust CWB, exschnerd and Afro Inclusive

Well sha, just a hi hi jist jist kinda friend

scratch that Acquaintance.

She asked me the question of the century

A threesome!

I felt insulted.

I am so straight you have no idea. and even if I wasn't, even if I did have those tendencies and am willing and ready to explore them...she sorry they are definitely NOT my type.

apparently she and her partner decided I was 'best' for the 'job'

what rubbish!

what am I supposed to do? vie for the role of best supporting actress?

My heart sorry throbbing nethers lie elsewhere, (perhaps far a way in some town four hours away).

I conveniently told her to fork off, really ati iwo ati man e? NOT MY TYPE!

(kinda flattered though) but mostly upset.

now if it were Eva mendez and Denzel Washington asking for a 'crowd'?

I woulda dropped my jeans a long time ago.

As in?

Watdafork?

I am soo Chicken.

He's not Man enough, he is just not it I'm thinking. he is somebody else s everything but me? nah!

so what do I do about it?

let Mr Mean know the truth, maybe there's still a part of me deep down that wants you to shag me senseless but I really don't see it happening, I apologize. I still want to be friends though, I really have missed your sarcasm and the phone calls.

Call up Mr ex and let him know how I feel about us, I decide some 40 minutes later and tell him as much, we prob should never have had this conversation, there's a reason as to why you are an ex like Ibiluv said.

start droppin hints for Mr gimme those orgasms that are rare, so very hard to find. then decide to say it in not so many words, make up my mind we broken up and then realise y'all men dont even see it till it hit you in the head, i'mma tell you to your face

well thats what I planned to do

till I saw him

He had been ill and I had been ignoring his ass in the pre "i cant do this shit no more" mode

I went all putty

"why didnt you call me, I would have come over, you don chop? if you dont eat how you suppose to regain your strength? why the heck didn't you call me?"

and then I remember, He DID ask me to come over in those series of text messages, I was just sooo cold, I didn't bother responding positively.

My lord, did he look soooooooooooooooooooooooo cute with his shirt in his jeans, i didnt realise he was sooo good looking, I could just kiss him there and then, In traffic, aww baby, sexy as fuck.

we hung out for the better part of the day, I couldnt get my mind/eyes off his dick sorry I meant to say buns...and then we had an argument, stupid ass argument, to which I notice he's having a hard on....

"bitch, does this mean everytime we fight you get hard? cuz I could EASILY start a fight with you EVERYTIME if it means mad make up sex is going doooown abi?"

then I remember that one time he forked me soooo hard I ended up in the closet, we had just had a fight...wait a minute, seems to me like he one sick morafoka.

so he's hard, I'm Horny

lets go back to yours babe

errrm nope

I gasta go see my friends mom, he has a meeting.

what a freaking waste.

I missed him I realise, I missed his crase and the way he makes me laugh no I didnt miss the way he drives me up the wall

suffice to say

I didnt do it.

its your fault blogsville, you told me to hang on to the guy that gives me orgasms

okay its my fault Im the one who's chicken.

whilst I try to gather the liver to bounce

I say this with no shame, not an ounce

Bobs, walahi if u saw me now na to pounce

Im so hot for you scratch that I will pounce

Ill call you whatever name you want all na noun

more importantly Im thinking

"bitch please feel free to make my ass bounce."