Who says?

I cant express myself saying it exactly as it is?

Who says I should live my life scared?

If GODb4mi...Wu u fit b?

Ragga boi.

Ragga boi.
Bad guy somebori

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Dear Dr Naapali...

Dearest Doctor Naapali,

You always have been a deep person,

this is me writing...searching for advice, asking you to please tell me It will be okay.

okay I know it would be okay but...

I really am not myself,

I feel as though my life is in pause mode, I'm not moving forward, not moving least that's the way I feel.

Naapali, I'm losing my friends.

well not exactly,its not like they are dying or saying they don't want to be friends with me again or anything you see Ola is relocating to America this Saturday, we used to hang out alot.

friend of mine has returned to his home...IN ANOTHER STATE,we used to hang out alot too.

one of my closest aburos left home to go school in Jand, she hasnt even deemed it fit to call she having that much fun? (we used to hang out alot 3)

I feel as though I'm about to lose friend no1. will we still hang out alot?

Al is my newest friend, he needs me to be his friend right now, I cannot afford to be weak.

But I am.

very weak.

I read my Bible everyday, I pray to God for strength. I listened to Sam Adeyemi Preach, he is wonderful by the way. he said little that went a looong way. I believed...I believe, I have faith but I am still so weak.

tell me Doctor, what happens when you are not loved as you should, as you believe you should, as you want to?

I feel as though something is coming, anticipating it, I don't want to be dissapointed.

Dear Naapali,

I'm hurting. I want to cry, I want to be held.

I need Jesus, I have him, but I want him some more. only him can save me now.

will money solve my problems? I don't think so I mean, I'm not entirely broke, moreover the best things in life are free ainnit?

Naapali, I have been busy, very busy working on a project, I'm not getting paid for it no but at least I don't get to think about God knows what it is I think about.
and when I'm working I actually smile. When I'm not working, when I'm alone, I am actually not smiling.

Smile down on me lord, I hate these times in my life, I really really do.

I didn't even respond to all the comments on my last post, (guys ema binu your comments used to make my day)

Doctor, perhaps I need to be quiet for a while, maybe I need to search deeper. Maybe alot of things.

peoples, I might not be doing my blog rounds but I will be approving my comments daily. Thank you for being there for me.

Dear Doctor, my blog family, friends...Me sef tire!


archiwiz said...

Pele dear. Like you said I think you should keep searching deeper in yourself... Hold God and ask Him all the questions...

Invisible said...

This sounds too deep for me to claim first on.
I really hope things work out well for you. "All things work together for good to those that love Him". I rebuke system failure for you o. God forbid.
Stay up and keep your eyes on Him. E go better.

bumight said...

pele. I think we all have our "nobody loves me moments", but like you said, hold on to Him cos He alone can completely fill any void, and there's plenty support from us here also.

even if all your friends are leaving, there are tons of friends here, and guess what? we're going nowhere!

Tigeress said...

Pastor Invisible- Amen to that!!!

aloted said...

Only God's love never fails.

Hold on to him dear is well with u

poeticallytinted said...

But we love you now, how about us? (batting eyes). :D Don't worry dear, love yourself and you'll attract great people who will love you too. I've had to start over and over in the friends making business... I lost friends cos I didn't know better. Sometimes, due to no fault of mine, it was just time and distance. But you know, I have also learnt to reach out to both old and new friends. Sometimes they are not having fun, they are just going through the trials of life and are engulfed in whatever the situation is. A line/ a call from you can turn their situations around. And I have also learnt the world is a very small place. I learnt a bitter lesson early this year. I lost a friend of mine to death, that hurt a whole lot cos i loved her so much, but what broke and depressed me was that I didn't show her how much i loved her enough. We weren't in the same country but was that really an excuse? Friendship to me, is way deeper than people to hang out with. Trust me, in no time you'll find other really fun people to hang out with. But the old, reliable and unconditionally loving friends will remain so. That is how we grow, in experience, in status, in love and indeed.

I hope you can make some sense out of my ramblings.

Naapali said...

Dear sister of mine,

Pele. I hear your pain and feel your pain. It is not easy to lose people close to you for whom you care deeply, even if the loss is only a geographic one.

I am also learning each day in life to deal with pain, my pain and that of those close to me. I find that confronting head on the things that cause me pain, trying to understand why that emotion is there in the first place helps me come to some kind of peace. I find I can only feel pain from something or someone I care about. I also find that a lot of my pain comes from fear.

There are many types and shapes of fear but the effect is often the same. A demoralyzing paralysis that prevents one from moving on and living the best life one can live. In confronting my pain, I have always found fear lurking right behind it, pushing the pain deeper and deeper into my psyche.

I am learning each day that shining light on that fear often makes it less frightening. Perhaps it comes from childhood memories of dark shapes being monsters and the monsters disappearing when the lights are turned on. I find whan I ask myself what am I afraid of and why am I afraid of it, the power of that fear over me diminishes. I ask myself what is the worst that can happen? Then I ask myself and if that does happen and then what?

A few days ago on my way in to work I noticed the beginnings of sunrise over the lake. That light piercing the darkness also lifted the darkness in my heart with this revelation. Regardless of the outcome of the things that plague my heart, the sun will still rise, light will still shine, the world will continue to go about its business and I will continue to go about mine. That was comforting to me.

Time and hope heal pain eventually. Fear has only the power we give it. As someone much wiser than me said; the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Take your time to heal yourself. It is no small thing that you have a community of people that have never met you that care deeply for you. I see this as a testament to the fact that you are a loving, lovable person. You deserve to be loved and I hope you can start that with loving yourself.

I wish you all the wellness life can bring and more love than your heart can sustain. I wish you the courage to confront your pain and fear and to render them powerless over you.

Be well my sister.

simeone said...

pele chic..u just need to hold on...friends are so special,but sometimes we have to remember they cant be there forever..
as little as a one day break from ur usual schedule will help..u said u have jesus,hold on, he cares for you more than u know..dont even know if u need all these 'cos wasn't even me u were talkin to..hugz.

simeone said...

pele chic..u just need to hold on...friends are so special,but sometimes we have to remember they cant be there forever..
as little as a one day break from ur usual schedule will help..u said u have jesus,hold on, he cares for you more than u know..dont even know if u need all these 'cos wasn't even me u were talkin to..hugz.

Zena said...

It is Well,

Say it, It is Well

You'll be fine, Just keep holding on. I really hope you feel better

Miss Definitely Maybe said...

Sending you a big cyberhug and here is an Irish blessing for you......

If God sends you down a stony path,
may he give you strong shoes.
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.May there always be work for your hands to do.
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine on your windowpane.
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you
May neighbours respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you.
May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life's passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!

naijalines said...

I hope you can start to feel better in time...Take your time to reflect on what is important to you in your life. I find this tends to give me a more postive outlook on what I'm going through and what I need to do to get myself back on track.

All the best, dear.

Mista Jaycee said...

Hold on and keep shining!

exschoolnerd said...

You will be fine dear. u be u..No be God..just hang in there.

i'll always be here for bumight said..we all feel like dis everynow and then...i feel like dis everyday..but i know it will be fine...and it will be okay.

ibiluv said...

Sweets..........wetin i fit tell u now??

Oya Naapali over to you!!!!!!

Ade Adeyemi said...

everything you need to be who he has called you to be is already within you... sometimes we go through periods of seperation so that we can depend solely on him, this is so not 'you-specific'.
Resolve to smile everyday, make new friends... sounds like there are a few 'friend openings' available and count your blessings I think that always helps... Understand that at the hardest of times there's only one set of footprints for he's carrying us through... and cry if you need to smile when u have the chance to and decide to enjoy life, enjoy the process, surround urself with inspring and beautiful things... no one ever said it was easy but as you painfully discover you it will all eventually add up... hun... its called growing up! and you'll be enriched by this process cos God has you through it all... I'll be back just to check up on u! Remember u're precious!

Jarrai said...

Honey boo please take will get better...

This quite always helps me..hope it does the same for you too xxx

"When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe

So sweetheart hold on a little longer, the tide is about to turn. It will be well...*big hug*

Funms said...

sorry about ur friends moving away..... it happens and the most important thing is for u to focus on urself now. hard i know. Ive felt this way before. All i did was find myself, took up new activities, kept myself so busy that i soon forgot how unhappy and loved i felt....... remember, no one can love u as much as God loves u. he's there even when u think he's not

Confessions of a London gal said...

We all have moments when we are down...when i fall into one of those- i listen 2 songs that never fail 2 cheer me up and of cos i surf around blogsville...some ppl's post cane help but make you laugh. Try 2 do the things you normally have fun doing and hopefully you would feel better soon...We in blogsville need you!!!

Mz. Dee said...

Babe... u've almost got my cryin here.

I just said a prayer for God to give u strength and I'll continue doin so.

Take a breaak if u need to do so.. but come back.

Love u sweety... (i'll alwayz hang out with in blogville!.. bera smile)

Jaycee said...

What you desire will be magnetized to you. If you want God, you find Him in the most unexpected place (situation). He's been there all along, but sometimes our eyes can't see what God's eyes are seeing.


Anonymous said...

it will be well.

why are you so lonely? is there something else you really need you're not getting? is there anyway we can help?

bArOquE said...

...exact same thing's happening to me, some i've lost/losing to marriage, overseas study, work transfers, relocations, no deaths, thank GOD...i'm a people person, i love my friends and hate lonliness, but i have other friend circles i operate to retain my owe yourself your happiness, do whatever make you happy my'll be fine

wellsbaba said...

badderchic.....i feel u,here pplle dont form,if u happy u happy,if not u still let it out n eer1 knows but most importantly....
I FEEL U!!! I AM FEELING THE SAME WAY U FEEL...I've been lookin4d word 2 describe my situation but I found it on dis post..."I'm not moving forward,I'm not going backwards,its like i'm in a pause"
I don't really know what bothers you but I can tell for certain you want something,a major breakthrough thats not so difficult but it just seems to be out of your makes you feel empty,I'm telling you I've also lost my addiction for blogville bcos of what im goin throu....anywais its only god that can help.....

stuck in my throat o said...

LOL at all your friends leaving o...
Be thankful for internet access and cheap enough tarriffs on starcommms.

Anonymous said...

I'll tell you what....umm...O I cant pele. Take care!

N.I.M.M.O said...

... How on earth did I miss this post?