Today.

5 things that i saw today.

1. I saw a ghost! well not exactly but she did look like a ghost, she had a bit too much foundation on, her eye pencil looked like road markings on its way to kafancha, her lipstick looked like blood! she looked like a vampire, yes! i think that would be it a vampire or maybe a cross between a vampire and a ghost. beeetch was oooguli!

2. The woman that decided the best place to wash her baby's poop was beside the road, where people were standing, she took her baby and washed his yansh there...y'all know how baby poop smell....(sob, sob)

3. The girl right beside me on the bus that ate corn after corn and ube after ube like she was in the village trust me with ALL the sound effects, the spittle comin out the side of her mouth and the corn darting out everytime her phone rang plus the fact that she decided to commentate on the drivers every move!

4. The forker that decided to take a shit in a garden at the side of the road.

5. The AGBAYA men that brought out their GBola's (notice i didnt say baba dudu, baba dudu is a good thing) and were taking a bath at the side of the road! their things were almost reaching their thighs.

O save us lord from the wonders of this Lagos. did i hear an amen?

All these things to my fragile heart in just one day?

I am Broke! officially! Notice i didnt take a cab home, i entered (not took o!) entered bus. right now im wishing 36 would come and pay my own school fees too, you know the school now, school of hard knocks?

as in i am so waiting for a miracle.

I need a PHD.

You say "oloshi, wetin you wan you use am do? "

I say " no not a Phd a PHD" and you go...

"ooooooh! mo ti jasi" ( i understand)

I dont believe you guys thought i was saying i wanted to go back to school, i manage to finish one you want me to use my two left legs to go back almost immediately? you have crase.

Look hia, extreme academic qualification is not for us all. yes beni, BUT a certain Qualification is....


I do need a PHD. you see, i need some 'head' trauma, i need to learn like my ancestors learnt from the 'missionaries', i need to learn how things from 'the back' affect 'the front', wont be a bad idea to learn the mechanics behind not a pair of scissors but 'scissors' or perhaps study the histories of the world and find out who exactly discovered the 'wheelbarrow', i would love to study the intricateness of a 'butterfly', perhaps find out why the chinese use 'chopsticks' and why they are so into teas, who exactly invented the packaging of tea in bags, who is the father of 'teabagging'? Why do people sit down to eat, why dont they 'do it standing'? who is the foremost 'cunning linguist' why wasnt there ever a bond girl named 'fay Latio'? Who invented the 'saddle' why do people like to 'ride' so much, horses, bicycles, powerbikes you name it? 'speed what is it with speed sef? why do some people like to go 'slow' and others 'fast' why do people thrive on adrenaline? what is a 'mean naj de trois' and why is it so popular? Yes, you see we need to learn more about these things so we can really be "ontop" at all times so there can be that feeling of conentment when one gets to "achieve" victory? that is not forgeting research is good for future generations so they will be able to benefit from us, i mean there will be no 'future generations' if we dont research on 'these' matters.

hallelu...halleluyah! beni.

I dislike when a woman that tells me she doesnt need a PHD, no one says right now but definitely before u die woman you need to be 'educated' for your very own piss of mind, so you can 'come' to be at peace with your inner self.

(did u just call me bitch?)

If u are acting modest, pretending like you dont know what brand of 'education' i am talking about well like one of my adopted brothers would say, i say this. "raise your hand o ye that have never tasted baba dudu and that do not wish to taste the wonders of baba dudu, raise your hands falsely and Amadioha would strike you" he says it not me.

As i was saying jere, a PHD is a neccessary requirement for every woman, no matter what you leave with Honours, first class, second class... as long as 'it' can hold the motion in the ocean' are u understanding me? i mean we all cant all have the titanic even though the titanic is known to 'sink easily' thanks to the 'standing icebergs' and the 'wetness' from plenty oceans of water!

Well some people can settle for speedboats, yatchs or canoes depending on your preference of 'broadbands'.

I hope you are understanding me.

So i say where are the PHD's sorry i mean twould be nice to further my 'education' wont it.

Did i just hear you call me Bitch?

holla at ya gal!